I said I love you and he didn't say it back

OMG you ladies sound like professionals!! I hope to someday rock it like you are!!

So true! If you were to take a look at my past relationships, you’d be shocked at some of the crap I did for my men – exs, recycled ex’s, fwb’s, non committals…It’s a horrible past and I was definitely hurt A LOT along the way. My last two relationships (my last ex and my current bf) were the relationships that really made me think,”OK! COME ON NOW! You can’t do this crap anymore!” I wanted to learn what it was that I was doing to participate in the breakdown of my relationships, because although I picked shady men, I also had a part in the breakdown. My now bf and I almost broke up and I realized I did not want to repeat my past, so I stepped up! Not for him, but for ME! I believe I hit my bottom and decided I didn’t want to be there anymore and knew I had to change the way I thought and behaved. But first I had to understand my past behaviors and the messages that they were relaying. Then I worked on my confidence and then everything else just began to fall in to place. It’s still a work in progress but I’m way better today than I was 5 months ago. :)

You could simply ask him, how long do you see this going on, and what can we do to fit in some time together in the meantime… unless it is his intention not to see you until the end of the semester? That should get you the info you want.

I’d just go with the flow. …let him do the talking. see what he has to say and if he explains. Monitor his behaviour and actions.. don’t put him under pressure to explain all…and protect your heart yourself. If he does not explain. ..I’d put him on probation. If he’s not stepping up by Xmas. ..consider letting him go..mirror his a tons and only give him as much attention as he is giving YOU.

good luck.

I just want to thank you all for the replies to this young ladys dilemma.It’s actually also really helped me. I’m in same boat also. I said I loved my boyfriend after 3 months and it’s my first love. I’m 24 he’s 30. I said it in alcohol whilst rather merry and I haven’t said it since. Although he has reminded me I said the ‘L’ word to which I acted shocked etc even though I know I said it I played dumb. He said it scared him like so I haven’t brought it up sober. I brought it up drunk, again, and asked why he hasn’t said it bk, he just said there’s no time limit and I personally think he does not love me which is fine….I don’t expect him to say it bk but, now I’ve said it I’m constantly waiting for him to say it bk…..but after reading all comments it’s gave me a sense of understanding. I know he cares about me, we make love we don’t just have sex. It’s sensual it’s meaningful, he makes me happy I make him happy. I’m just gunna concentrate on the present n leave the future to him as thier actually is no rush to say I love you bk. Our relationship is still fresh and we are still getting to know one another. I do feel like I love him. These are the feeling I feel, if this is love can someone tell me this is love. Every waking moment he is the first and last person I think about when I wake and before I go to the sleep, I miss him when he walks out my door to go to work, I still get all nervous when we have our date nights, I still can’t help feeling butterflies when I look at him, he asked me why I’m smiling at him, I just say, because I’m happy. I jump at any chance to spend with him, I adore how he is with my two children. Girls. Aged 4 and 2. He also has a daughter aged 4. When we are passionate it feels rightt feels like nothing else in the word matters in that moment. I feel my heart beat faster when he tells me I look beautiful in a dress. We recently got bk from a lodge weekend trip, 3 full days to our selves for his birthday, it was lovely he played his guitar to me, which made me melt. We had fun in the jacuzzi ;) was like we just added a new level to us. I recently thought we were gunna end because after having the implant in my arm, my moods have been awful and he’s had to put up with my mood swings and my neediness and overthinking and insecurities and over powering nit picking. I nearly lost him. Until got it removed and I’ve returned back to myself. I feel back to my normal self. And it feels good. It’s crazy how us women have so many hormones floating around and we have so much to contend with, baby’s, periods, pills, etc etc…..He doesn’t have mood swings. Lol its like haaawwaaay god give me a break from being a crazy b*tch…..but yeah implants out. Stephs bk, however I do feel extra horny since implants been taken out. Lol he’s not complaining…..yet!

I want to also thank everyone for the replies to Niki on this post as it helped me too. I can’t believe how common this is after saying the L word:( Lesson learned the hard way on my end.

Niki!!!! I was wondering how your relationship has been? Are y’all still together or did it fall apart? Our situations were so similar. He was there but he wasn’t really there afterwards. We basically broke up without the break up. I let him go once he said he wanted time to think (mind you Christmas and New Year’s went by with not a peep.. we had been seeing eachother for six months and just dropping off the side of the earth during such a time was unacceptable to me).
Anyways I’m wondering your outcome. What has happened since November??

Just got this email today from anewmode… seems to be apropos

Sabrina Alexis here and I’m going to share
the one question you must ask yourself in
any relationship to save yourself a whole
lot of time and tears.

In any relationship, be it casual or
committed, we often get so caught up in
how we feel about the other person, or how
that other person feels about us, that we
forget to factor in how we feel about
ourselves when we’re with that person.

Allow me to further illustrate with a
painful story of my own.

Meeting D was unlike anything I had
ever experienced. From the moment we
locked eyes, there was a palpable shift in
the universe, and suddenly, everything felt
intensely different. I don’t know if love at
first sight exists, but on that night, it sure
felt like it.

What drew me to D initially was his
gorgeous looks and amazing body. What
hooked me was the fact that he was smart,
charming, caring and sensitive–but in a
swoon-inducing, not cringeworthy, sort of
way.

Yes, I liked D from the start. What I did
not like was the person I became when
I was with him. The feelings of
self-loathing crept in during the early
stages of our courtship and reached an
almost unbearable degree as the
relationship deepened.

D was not only (seemingly) everything
I wanted and more, he was always
slightly beyond my grasp and I never
(ever) felt secure in the relationship.

In order to keep this godly creature in my
life, I made his happiness my priority. I
dropped my life and my needs to help
him fulfill his. I sacrificed myself up on
an alter and devoted myself to the church
of him.

Well that’s all well and good for lucky D
who happened upon such a selfless
girlfriend but I was absolutely miserable.

While I loved D more than words
can express, I hated the person he
turned me into. When I was with him,
I felt needy, insecure, uncertain and
afraid. I also never felt good enough,
which was such a shame because pre-D,
I had killer confidence.

I was also constantly terrified that he’d
leave me, a fear that literally swallowed
me whole.

My one and only purpose in life? Keep
him…at all costs!

While getting myself out of that
relationship felt impossible, the end
was always inevitable. When two
people are in a relationship, they
should bring out the best in one
another.

They should challenge each
other to grow so that their attributes
strengthen and they become the best
versions of themselves.

When a relationship crushes you and
forces you to shrink, placing a dark
mask over the things that make you
shine, there are problems brewing.

And unless they’re addressed, those
problems will boil over like a burning
cauldron, leaving you covered in
blistering scars and a big mess to clean.

It breaks my heart seeing some of the
questions we receive via email and in
the forum. So many of our readers feel
miserable and trapped by their
relationships.

Yet despite these agonizing feelings of
hurt / despair / insecurity / fear, they are
unable to extricate themselves from the
situation because of their all-consuming
feelings for the other person. They get
so caught up in their feelings for him or
his presumed feelings for them that they
miss the most important variable in the
equation. And that is…

Above anything else in a relationship,
you MUST ask yourself this one
question: Do I like myself when I am
with him?

That’s it. End of story. If he brings out
your worst and squashes your best,
extinguishing that inner fire that makes
you you and trampling on the ashes,
then get the hell out of the burning
building and never look back!

Lots of love,
Sabrina Alexis

Hello everyone,

I really enjoyed reading your conversation so I thought I will ask for some advice myself. So I met my guy through tinder and we have being together for 6 months. There was an instant connection from the first meeting/date and we decided to be exclusive since the second date-the day after the first one.
He is amazing and I know he cares about me a lot. He always makes time to come and see me and we had our first weekend away as well as 4 day summer holiday plans.
Is being couple of weeks now that I was thinking of the 3 magic words and I just couldn’t stop myself after we had sex and we were hugging and kissing I said ‘you know I love you right?’ he shook his head yes and that was it.
I know that he is very shy and that he sometimes find difficult to express with words, as well as the fact that I am the longest relationship he ever had (we are both 26).
After I said the words I got some tight hugs and kisses and he turned and said I missed you, which doesn’t really make any sense since we have seen each other quite often.
I have been normal with him and I don’t think he know how sad that made me.
I feel a bit concern as I don’t feel I could say those words again if I don’t hear them from him and I really don’t know if he just doesn’t love me or just couldn’t find the way to tell me.
I don’t want to be paranoid but I will be going back home for a month and I feel that since he hasn’t told me that he loves me that I will go crazy while I am away. That I will probably start getting paranoid as I already feel a bit insecure.

Any advice please?

I’ve really enjoy reading the posts. I’m in a similar situation myself and it’s been a year and I’m still waiting to hear it back.

This happened to me don’t worry we’ll actually yesterday I told my boyfriend I loved him I was thinking it in my head and I just said it and he just let out this disappointing noise and he knew I was upset and I started to cry I was just heartbroken by his response