Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › I texted him happy birthday and he didn't respond for days
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 2 years, 8 months ago by
Eric Charles.
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Clara
I’ve been seeing a man since February 2022. A few weeks ago he mentioned he was going to visit family out of state for his birthday, so I asked if I could take him out for a celebratory dinner before he left. He agreed and we ended up going to super fun place and he told me he had a great time. He said thank you and that he would see me when he returned and we left it at that. This was all on Monday April 25th. We didn’t talk for the next few days until Wednesday when he again thanked me for such a special dinner and wished me a lovely day. We didn’t talk again until the day of his birthday (Sunday May 1st) when I texted him a short text saying Happy Birthday and a gif. He did not respond until today (Tuesday May 3) saying thanks and sending me a pic of him with family. I don’t need him to message me constantly, but I do feel that it was rude of him not to even say thank you in response to my message until days later. I know he saw it and for whatever reason he chose not to reply. Maybe he was busy with family or whatever but is anyone really too busy to send a simple text? I feel like I want to call him out on it but I’m wondering what I should say? Maybe I’m overreacting? It’s not like I’m super mad but I also want him to know how I feel. Should I say something or just let it go?
Raven
What would you say to him?
Amy s
It doesn’t sound like there is loads of contact going on anyway. So the question is how is the everything else in the dating/ relationship going ?
Anna
how often do you see each other? is this something serious or just casual thing?
I am not against taking men out on their bday, but this is something a girlfriend could do, not someone you date without being official.
It looks like you are the one texting him and doing nice things for him but how is he treating you?
but answering your question, if you see him in person then you can mention something , but I don’t see a point in mentioning this over text, because chances are he won’t respond.Liz Lemon
I agree with the point Anna made about looking at the bigger picture. You’ve been dating 2-3 months, how often do you see him? Does he take you out regularly? Is he escalating his interactions with you over time– calling and taking you out more in general, integrating you into his life more and more? I think it’s nice that you took him out for his birthday but Anna is totally right that it’s a girlfriend type of thing to do. Is he treating you like a girlfriend?
If you feel things are moving in a positive direction with this guy and it’s heading towards a serious relationship, I wouldn’t get worked up over the lack of response this time. Sure it’s a bit annoying, but keep a bigger perspective. Boyfriends/husbands will always do stuff that annoys you (lol), the important thing is how he treats you overall and how you feel with him overall.
I think sending him a text reprimanding him for not replying to your birthday text right away will look a bit crazy. You should not use texting to discuss issues/problems when dating or in a relationship. Texting should be used to communicate information, or for light/fun/interesting conversation- I text my bf all day when we’re at work, but it’s always chatty stuff, links to music or news articles, updates about our day etc. I would never bring up something potentially heavy or accusatory over text, that’s an in-person conversation.
Eric CharlesKeymasterThere have been some good responses so far, so I won’t rehash what they’ve said.
I will bring up this point:
A lot of times in relationship advice questions, a person will ask about some incident or sign and ask what it means.
In this case, you’re asking about texting.
But really, this isn’t about texting.
What I mean is that if you had the world’s greatest relationship, where you knew this man loved you with all of his heart, you knew each other as deeply as two souls can, you bring out the best in each other, you’re building a life together that you both love and find exciting and meaningful, etc… you wouldn’t care about this text thing!
Why? Because you know you have an amazing relationship!
This is the obvious thing that needs to be stated to yourself: This isn’t about texting!
This is about trying to know if your relationship is on track towards that kind of commitment and connection.
And Liz is right. Even in that ideal relationship I described above, there will still be times where you two annoy each other! It will happen.
Why?
Because you’re integrated in each other’s lives. There’s no barrier between you, the other person and what they’re dealing with.
Everyone tries their best, but sometimes you are right up against their struggles because they are (and vice versa).
After all, you don’t just date the person, you date their mind, you date their problems, you date their fears, failures, frustrations, aspirations, dreams, desires. You date their life.
And if we’re graceful, accepting and forgiving of ourselves, we can bring that into the relationship. If we want to escape ourselves by having a relationship “save us” from the ngative feelings we have inside, we will eventually be faced with negativity in the relationship that we want to escape.
MY point here is that this isn’t about texting, this is about the relationship.
Are you getting to know each other more deeply? Do you understand him more deeply as a man as time goes on: his true fears, failures, frustrations, attractions, avoidances, tendencies, patterns, etc.
Do you know what’s really moving him inside? Do you understand the emotions that move him, how they arise, how they move, how they make him act?
Are you able to bring out his best when he’s struggling? And when he’s struggling, can you send the true reason why and what he needs?
Discovering these kinds of answers and improving in these things is what relationship progress looks like.
When you understand that relationship progress is what you care about, you won’t worry about texting.
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