I think I pressured him too much…now we are over.

The thing that makes this really hard for me is that I was falling in love. And he doesn’t seem to be bothered very much we are done.

Taylor, you did the right thing, absolutely. Completely agree with Jillian, she has explained it well.

Here’s what to ask a man who won’t commit because they were burned in the past…

Did you ever do something like learn to ride a bike, make an investment, learn a new sport… and fall or make a mistake and get “hurt” somehow, i.e., skin your knee, lost money, whatever… (and the answer is YES)… and did you completely stop doing it because you had the one bad experience or did you get back up and do it again and learn and eventually get good at it (and the answer is YES)? So then, why is a relationship any different? (It’s NOT.)

Any guy who tells you he can’t move forward because he was so hurt is choosing to use that as an excuse to avoid intimacy. It’s like a 2 year old closing their eyes and saying you aren’t there because I can’t see you. It’s Peter Pan… refusal to mature.

You are right to walk at the 3/4 month mark if he ain’t stepping up… because if he isn’t doing it then, he isn’t gonna.

In the future, don’t get more invested than him. It’s natural to miss him… you’ll get over it. He isn’t bothered because he wasn’t into it like you were. And his behavior clearly shows you did pressure him. But that’s on him to not stand up for what he wanted. Another sign of immaturity… going along with what someone else wants and not being real.

NEXT!

No he didnt make plant like that. He was very last minute. Only made plans in advance like one time. I couldn’t tell half the time if he was into me as much as I was into him.

Actually, he acted very much into me in the beginning, before I told him I was ready for a relationship.

He is emotionally damaged.. scared To make a Commitment. You did the right thing. I would move on To avoid a heatbreak !! Do not waste your time! Agreed with everybody else, immature guy..

Finds himself unhappy in the situation

Taylor, I just walked away from a man who has been divorced almost 20 years and he’s still using the excuse that he was bullied in his marriage and she got everything in the divorce as the reason why he won’t ever let himself fall in love. He’s 56. He’s been doing this for YEARS. I really feel for him, he’s clearly in pain and doesn’t know how to resolve. It’s England, therapy isn’t as “done” here as it is in America. But I”m not a therapist and I can’t convince him that I’m not his ex and never would be. He admitted he dates women for 3-6 months but then will never let himself go past that. If a man won’t go there, he won’t go there until he’s ready to change. So don’t think it’s your fault! Also, in fairness, you date someone for a while and then at a certain point you have to make a decision about whether you are a match and you should continue because it’s leading somewhere. A lot of times the answer is no. That’s why we date, to find out. Just because it didn’t go where you wanted to doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong or wrong with you. Not the right match. NEXT!!

No Taylor you are most certainly not the only one honey. Everyone on this site has been through the same experience I guarantee you. I also feel M and I were doing well and then I find out he didn’t think so and wanted out. Oh well. I forgot he was in my Hotmail contacts so the week after I said goodbye to him formally I sent out a Christmas greeting email on Christmas Eve and I noticed a week ago he had sent a short reply back thanking me. I did not answer. I have since ensured he is off any email lists, out of my phone, etc. I was very amicable when I called it off but I do believe I was clear it was OVER so no, other than that no contact and I don’t expect it.

You can lead a horse to water…

Here’s the thing – it’s OK to still care. You just can’t keep pushing energy at it. My mother says she still cares about her first college boyfriend and she’s 76!!

I wish M the very best and think he’s a good guy. He’s just not relationship/potential husband material in my book now because he’s too damaged and not choosing to move forward from the trauma at this time. Nothing I can do but move on. Same goes for you.

Yes. He started acting weird after we got back from a trip to the US four months into the relationship back in late September. He asked for “space.” I freaked and thought that was a break-up. I got to reading and learned that sometimes he just is doing a normal rubber band thing so I gave him space. He did not go away. But after 8 weeks of this (during which I was very busy with my life and learning all about men on this site), I wanted to see what was up. We had a really good date one night and then a week later a lunch on Thanskgiving Day (we live in London, it is not a holiday here) and he was totally bizarre. Acted very distant and clearly was not going to ask to see me over the holidays. So I walked away thinking it was over and then he sent me a really sweet email wishing me a good business trip to the US. I thought it over while I was away and decided I did not want to carry this into 2015 so I asked to see him and we had a little walk and then a chat. Turns out he was freaked out by the week long trip we took – he had not spent that much time with a woman since his divorce. Yikes. Wish I”d known. And he kept talking about the ex and I realized, he is just not anywhere near healed from this. Best for us to part. One part of me wishes we’d just cut this in October, but I learned so much out of the way it did go that I’m glad for what happened.

New year, new me. :)

EXCELLENT points Philly. Thanks for sharing that.

Wasn’t ready*