I told him to leave me alone

He went from being my friend first but with benefits to booty calling me. All of the hanging out as friends and calling just to say hello went away. I didn’t like that so I ended it and told him to leave me alone. It’s one thing to be a FWB – it’s another to feel like a (free) prostitute, IMO.

Maintain those boundaries lady! Either ignore or tell him “I told you to leave me alone”. Whatever works best for you. I would go for the latter as he may well stop contacting you then and it won’t pull at your heart strings when he does.

Don’t respond.
Practice having boundaries and standing your ground.

I think I know how you feel, I experienced something similar, although within some very different circumstances, but nonetheless, a similar thing. From dear friends and falling in love into a cynical setup within a couple of weeks, with no communication at all, no acknowledgement of your reaching out, not even some basic courtesy. Only sexual or intimate encounters, with no talking..as if you are a paid service to please him. It is a very unpleasant feeling to be treated this way, to say the least, and if you are in love with a guy it is very painful. Extremely painful. Especially if he pursued you at the start and told you he is ready and willing etc etc.

Ask yourself, what kind of person would do such a thing? this would help you to assert your boundaries. And kudos to you for breaking it off. Do NOT go back on your word, you would regret it badly later on. This is not just an isolated thing, this speaks of him as a person. So stand your grounds and good luck.

Ignore his texts, if he asks, say you already had your answer and that you know that.

To add on to the point K is making also we can assume you are old enough to know the deal with work relationships.

” It was a work-related question so I am sure he thinks he can get away with that/use it to open lines of communication. I don’t understand men, I swear.”

You didn’t use boundaries before when you were talking and then led to sex with him, you both used the work to ‘open lines of communication’ that led to more. I absolutely agree there is no victim here, just be as stern as you are on here and tell him you don’t want to be in contact for non work related issues (I apologize if you did).

Basically it all boils down to boundaries, you wanted something initially but didn’t set the boundary before sex, and to this day seem to struggle to do so. I am unsure how to elaborate on the ‘leave me alone’ part without seeming victim blamey, but how/when/where you said it and how you have followed through after it determines everything…so IDK

~ Jason

Don’t respond to him. As a second piece of advice, avoid having a victim mentality. You were getting something (companionship, dates, etc) out of your arrangement just like the guy was. So unless he forced you to have sex with him, you agreed to do it and he wasn’t “using” you. What women usually mean when they say a man used them is they slept with him hoping he would commit and when he didn’t, they accuse him of using him. Don’t use sex to manipulate the other person, it’s always a bad idea!

‘Do not derail? Jason? But it is you, isn’t it… The new sophisticated and drug free Jason? The man I love?

Q: Thanks but I don’t know who this is, I figure I haven’t been around most won’t even know me here, but clearly this is one of the women who knows I am a recovering alcoholic, nothing to be ashamed of I gave my advice.

What exactly did I say wrong in this thread? Shouldn’t men and women be careful in romantic relationships with co-workers, shouldn’t people we have sexed be made aware that we are no longer interested in a better way than ‘leave me alone’?

~ Jason

Good for you for knowing what you want, and communicating and sticking with It.

The response that speaks loudest is silence.

I wouldn’t respond to him or acknowledge him in any way. That “we’ll see” comment was condescending and disrespectful. Yes… We’ll see. Show him.

Philly – THANK YOU! I felt disrespected by it too and coming from someone who up til recently was someone I considered a good friend made it even more difficult to swallow. I didn’t respond to his text. I figured all work related things out on my own today if I could and only emailed him once because I absolutely had to. He responded and then asked my opinion on what he said and I ignored that email, having already gotten my response. While I will miss our friendship I am glad I got to see his true colors when I did. I refused to let anyone make me feel like less of a person, friend or otherwise.

Update —

He was supposed to be out of his office all week, Monday thru Friday, vacationing Monday thru Wednesday and stay-cationing the remainder of the week. This morning I had a doctors appointment at 9am. At 9:30 I got a text from my assistant saying he was in OUR office and asking for me. Twice. Caught me totally off guard. I got into the office around 10:30 or so. Twenty minutes after my arrival he knocked on my door. I said “oh I didn’t know you were here.” He said “oh your assistant didn’t give you a heads up?” I said no. He proceeded with some bs excuse for why he was in my office. After he finished I said “why are you here?” He said he didn’t know. It was silent. I was ice cold. I said “you should go home then.” He asked if I was going to stay mad at him forever and ever. I said no. He asked if I planned to avoid him forever and ever. I said no. After a few seconds of silence he said “ok then I’ll leave you alone… Good seeing you.” And then he left. Not just my office — he left and went home. Didn’t say bye – just grabbed his stuff, said goodbye to my assistant and left. I know he only came in to try and settle things with us and I know he left so abruptly because he realized J wasn’t backing down. On the one hand it feels good to stick up for myself. On the other – it feels awful to know in losing someone who I thought was a friend. I know, I know – he wasn’t a friend. He was a snake in the grass. But still – I thought he was – so this is painful