i want him but, should i let him go

Maybe i didn’t explain the story correctly, he wanted to get to know me, despite the age gap. He said we would be great together, we joked/flirted for a while and we were going to try, until that last conversation.

He said he wanted to take me out but that he thought i was too young. I look younger than i am and he guessed i was 15 years younger and he said he liked me but that he has respect.

last conversation was 4 days ago.

i have an energy audit in the house i have rented i want and should be there.

I did not feel it that way. I don’t think he wasn’t interested because of the age, i think he was worried it won’t work because of that, because he thought he couldn’t give me what i deserve. Despite this, i told him i knew the differences and i still wanted to try, but i respect if he doesn’t. He said he wanted to try, so we started flirting.

And also, when he was mad because he missinterpreted i didn’t not respect his life choices i told him “you are actually wrong, in fact, probably what made me want to text you about getting to know you more was that picture you put with your grankid in fb, i found that very very cute”
he is not really a big facebook poster, but he has been posting pics of him with his grankids every day… may be a coincidence, i don’t know…

“I don’t think he wasn’t interested because of the age, i think he was worried it won’t work because of that, because he thought he couldn’t give me what i deserve.”

When someone says this, you must believe them. You are assuming it is because of the life stage / children thing. But you don’t know him well. It could be anything, he could have emotional issues and he doesn’t want to get into a relationship with anyone because he knows he won’t commit.

Looking at the facts in his actions: he never made a move, he rejected you multiple times, he said he can’t give you what you want (he’s being honest, you’re making excuses to explain this away). His words and actions have been those of a caring friend, he is not being confusing. I understand this is disappointing, but if you lead yourself on you will extend your own pain about this while being closed off to a different person who is actually available for an eventual relationship with you, and may even be located much closer to where you live. Please think about why you are so set on someone unavailable.

not sure why this person posted in an advice forum when she doesn’t seem to consider any of the advice given.

Lol I didn’t make this up in my mind, I may not be the best communicating but he has been trying to get together for like 6 months and I have been saying I can’t.
I am finally ready and let him know, he is excited, me too and he start flirting.
I said the wrong thing and he got mad. It was a misunderstanding but he said he didn’t want to try, I said fine.
Next day I apologized and he said all is fine.
We haven’t talked but I rather let things cool off and he having fun in his vacation that being bugging him. Other than the last 3-4 days before the argument we used to text maybe once a week or less. It’s not like we were besties.

I wasn’t asking if he is in love with me or if we were getting married.

I was asking if I should tell him when i am around. I am classy and I like the men taking the lead but I also have been around long enough to know that nice guys don’t come around so often and that texts get misinterpreted often.

I can’t believe how judgy this forum has become. I can’t believe I am being told I am imagining things…

Wait sorry, I should not have said “everyone is telling you”. That is an exaggeration and I am not trying to exaggerate or come off as flippant. I should have said “some people here”.

My read on the guy is that yes, I think he has some level of interest and is perhaps flattered by your attention. What jumps out at me is that he is saying he “can’t give you what you deserve” and “you and i are in different roads in life, lets just not do this.” A guy who is confident about pursuing a woman doesn’t say these types of things. So I’m not sure this guy is psychologically in a position to pursue you, even if he is flattered by your interest (you commenting on this FB posts with his grandkids, etc).

I’m taking a leap here, but I’m guessing this guy is from a working class background (working in the trades, having a kid at 18, most of his friends having kids by their early 20s when in contrast, your friends have young kids). Believe it or not, if you make more money or have more education than him, that can be an issue. My bf is from a working class background and works in the trades as well; I have a graduate degree and work in higher education. It’s never been an issue for either of us in our relationship (he is honestly one of the smartest, most inquisitive and interesting people I’ve met). But I found out later that when we first started dating, he worried a tiny bit about me being “out of his league” so to speak. He never verbalized this to me however, or said anything to make me wonder about his interest! He was always very obvious, direct and confident in pursuing me. We’ve been together 4+ years now so obviously this was never an issue.

But, that may be the case here– it’s only an issue if it’s an issue in his head. Again, this is a major guess on my part– but this guy’s language about not being good enough for you, and you two being on different paths in life, etc, strongly suggests to me that this may be a mental barrier for him. His self esteem needs to be strong enough to feel that he’s “good enough” for you, for this to go anywhere.

So I agree with the others that there’s no harm in texting him- might as well do it and see what happens. But I think the mixed messages you are getting are a sign of some kind of mental blockage on his part. A guy who is genuinely interested in pursuing a woman would never say things like “I”m not good enough for you” and “we’re on different paths in life, let’s not do this”.

Hi Flor,

You shouldn’t have to convince someone to date you. It really is that simple. I would let him go.

I wish you luck. I still do not get the feeling that he is interested in you. He seems to continually say “no” then when pushed – he will say “let’s get together.”

I don’t get you. You posted here asking for advice. You got lots of good advice but you complain you’re being judged and you argue with everyone that tells you that he’s really not that interested in you, based on his actions. You go by his words, which are worthless. You are chasing him, hard. I’m sure he’s flattered by a younger woman pursuing him even though he keeps saying no and that’s why he engages with you sometimes, it’s an ego stroke. You’re supposed to be the prize a man chases, but you’ve made this man into a prize you’re chasing. Messed up dynamic. This isn’t going to work, but I guess you like unavailable men. You’ve got a big age difference and probably not a whole lot in common. But you’re not going to stop until you’ve gotten hurt, which isn’t his fault because he’s been honest and he’s told you he’s not really interested in you.