I was lied to and manipulated for months, how do I move on from this? Help!

Hi Pearl,
You will pick yourself up again because you’re already doing it without even realising it.

Reading what you write, I hate that you’ve been treated like this and I’m deeply sorry you had to go through this.

You know what’s really cool and powerful about you though? You’re really connecting all the dots again and again and you know that this guys a loser and waster. And every time those old feelings of attachment arise, you remind yourself how unworthy he is of your love and kindness and respect. Of how you deserve so much more!

He totally played you and of course you feel hurt and disrespected and angry about this. This is normal and right, It’s okay to cry and let the emotion out. It’s how you process this unfair chapter in your life and you let him go. Fully, completely and forever.

What maybe you’re just beginning to realise is, you’re actually getting savvier and smarter in picking up on shady characters like this. Can you see this yet? You definitely definitely are. That’s why you already recognise the futility of even speaking to him now or trying to get closure from him.

It sounds like he lovebombed you, and the only good thing about this is now you know full-on and fresh, exactly what this feels like and looks like. You may not have recognised it before, but this time, you can see things more clearly. You can process what’s happened and see it with wiser and stronger eyes now.

From now on, you’ll pay attention to those little things that you ignored this last time round. And now in the future, you’ll do your homework because this practice guy has confirmed to you that the way a person shows up on social media tells you a lot about who they are.

It’s not stalkerish to be thorough, do the background checks, and assess whether this persons values matches yours or not.

It’s wise and smart and safe for you to trust your instincts, even if what’s presented to you on the face of it is golden. Now you’ve learnt in a new way, that not everything that shines is gold.

You’re doing absolutely great Pearl, I promise you. This is a right of passage all of us kind-hearted women have to go through. You stand in good company my friend. So, Yes keep processing and learning from this experience.

And I know it doesn’t feel like it, but this fool has given you a gift.

He has shown you that you should never trust the mask. That charm and smoothness certain guys show you in the beginning. It’s okay and right to dig deeper and see what’s behind that mask – that actually almost everyone puts on in the early stages anyway, even the good guys!

Your job is to find out who lives behind the mask.

You can’t see it yet, but you are actually further along on the path to finding real genuine pure love and connection with a reliable genuine sincere and trustworthy man than ever before.

Keep being kind to yourself. Eat a little ice-cream or whatever your guilty pleasure is. Indulge in some special me-time and then allow yourself to be in the company of those family and friends who genuinely do love and care deeply about you and support you.

You will begin to see that there is so much in this world that is wonderful and beautiful and to be looked forward to with joyful anticipation. That your future holds great light and excitement and love, and just beyond the horizon, even though you can’t see them yet, all your most cherished beautiful heartfelt dreams are just waiting to come magically sparkling true.

Here’s what’s really important Pearl – never let anyone or anything take away your ability to dream and to believe in the beauty of who you are.

You have a special future still ahead of you. There are goals that you have yet to achieve, people you have yet to meet and wonders you have yet to enjoy.

Work on yourself and your dreams. Let your energy go into you being the best version of you this world has ever seen. That even you’ve ever seen! You are so much more capable and brilliant than you could ever realise.

Whether other people see it or not, it’s time for you to see it. You know I’m right – when you look back over your life, there have been so many times when despite adversity and challenge, you picked yourself up, dusted yourself off, and rose higher and went after your successes with even more determination and grit and focus and energy than ever before.

You’re the kind of person that learns from their experiences and uses them to do immense good in the world, for yourself and others.

I can tell from the things you say that you have a beautiful noble heart that treats people as you want to be treated. Let that heart heal you now from the inside out.

You already have everything you need within you to live a good and beautiful life, one resplendent with all the successes in life you work hard to achieve.

Wait and see, great and even greater things await you. Personal successes, work achievements and beautiful new kind-hearted friends.

And one day you’ll meet a man who when the mask falls off, you develop a deep genuine connection with because he lives life with the same beautiful values and heart as yourself.

You’ve got this.

Agree with tall spicy! You guys were never offcial, so he wasnt really cheating you. On hindsight we realise that we got fooled bec we ignored all the red flags. If aftr learnin about him you still wana talk to him, shows that you need to work on yourslf. Its easy to alwys blame the men but we need to be smart as well..you need to be a little more careful and discerning.. dont beat urslf up. You learnt from this. Nxt time dnt be so gullible, dont ignore ur instincts and dismissive of red flags.

Hey pls stop crying! You learnt from this. Dust urslf up and move on. We all hv made this mistake. U dont need him.

Were you exclusive? Were you gf /bf?did he tell you hes not seeing nyone?

Pls read your msg above. U actually said despite evrythng you didnt confront or ask bec you were adraid he will be able to manupulate u again? And despit evrythng, you were happy to hear from him again..

If you want to talk again and if he still makes you happy despite his lies n his cheating, well am sorry but i seriously think u need to start workin on yourslf.

You move on from him by accepting that you were given the journey because you are not loving yourself enough. You get the relationship you feel you deserve.

I’m sorry it happened.