Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › I was shy/boring at sex, do I say something?
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 5 years, 2 months ago by
Tallspicy.
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Meghan
I met this guy online, and we hit it off immediately. The texting was constant and escalated pretty quickly. He travels overseas for work often and was gone for 2 weeks after we had sex for the first time. The sex was great (I was a bit shy), and we did it 4 different times. The texting while he was gone was incredible, sexy photos sent, dirty talk… Always good morning and goodnight texts also. He was telling me how much he missed me. We even spontaneously planned for me to join him on a trip to Lithuania at the end of the month (flights and hotels all booked).
I saw him again earlier this week, and we had sex twice. I know I was shy and boring and didn’t live up to all my “cool talk” in the texts. I am a bit insecure when it comes to sex – not because of body image issues, but more because I feel inexperienced and that I’m not good at it. In my mind, I’m someone entirely different, but I struggle in the moment to let that person out. I am a bit mad at myself for not going for some certain things. When I left in the morning, we kissed passionately A LOT, and he was holding me tight. He mentioned how much fun we were going to have in Lithuania. That entire next day, radio silence.
There has never been a day where he didn’t text me. I texted him mid-day and just said “miss me yet?” with a cute emoji. No response. Before I went to bed, I just texted him with a funny, lightharted gif (we share gifs all of the time). First thing in the morning, he texted me good morning with a kissy emoji and then a few other things. Laughed at the gif and said he was sorry he missed the moment. We had a few chats throughout the day, but the vibe felt different. I was trying to tell myself it was all in my head and to stop being negative. But I can’t help but feel like it’s just different now because I was boring in bed. I want to tell him how I can’t stop thinking about his tongue when he went down on me and how incredible it felt. I also want to tell him that I feel like I have some things to make up for on my end. Do I say something? Do I address that I know I was boring in bed and want to make it up to him? I am worried things will fizzle out in the next couple of weeks before Lithuania. Am I being ridiculous?
Amy
Do you think maybe he was just interested in the sex? And now the chase is over? How old is he? Sometimes texting slows down from the beginning so maybe don’t worry too much because you’ll come off as insecure and needy. And might scare him off..are you sure the tickets are booked because he could’ve been lying. And did you book the trip before you slept with him? Whatever you do DO NOT apologize for being boring in bed..you probably weren’t anyways. He’s lucky he got sex period. Apologizing will make you look like you have no confidence whatsoever….good luck
K
Very bluntly – why do you feel so much pressure to f*** like a porn star all the time?? You come across as extremely insecure, probably because it’s obvious you’re pretending to be something you’re not and you’re putting on a front to make this guy like you instead of being your real self.
How do you know you’re so shy/boring in bed?? Did he complain? Did someone else complain and now you’re fearful you’ll lose another guy for not being Traci Lords or something?
The other point is, you hardly know this guy. The hotter it starts out, the faster it cools off, is the general rule. But hard to say what’s happening based on the information. He could just be getting more comfortable and isn’t going to text all day every day because that isn’t sustainable or he’s starting the cool off.
Booking a trip away like that when you hardly know someone is a risk. It’s possible he could change his mind when the hormones wear off. I’ve learned not to book trips with anyone until I’ve been dating them at least three to four months.
You come across as very desperate to hook him and keep him, so you chased after him the day you didn’t hear from him. Back way off. Let him come to you. Definitely do not apologize for your performance in bed. And I’d stop the dirty talk and that stuff for a while to see if he likes you for you or if it’s just that you put out fast and a lot and you’re a horn dog. ;)
You’ve led pretty heavily with sex and that doesn’t create a relationship, so you may have set yourself up to be just fun sex for him rather than a girl to be with seriously. Was that your intent, just some fun?
Has there been any discussion about exclusivity or about what you’re each looking for? (And I think I know the answers but I have to ask and not assume.)
Warasen
Stolye his ego a bit. Tell him how great a lover he is and how you don’t think you can match his skill but you’re willing to try. Ask him for tips because he’s the best in your limited experience.
Tallspicy
STOP LEADING WITH SEX IF YOU WANT A RELATIONSHIP. Read that again.
I am not saying be flirty, but you should not be sending photos and leading with that. It will not snare the long term interest. Please have other things to talk about…
You could start with things to actually see or do in Lithuania.
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