I will talk to my partner guy tonight… and be done with it

It’s super nice and thoughtful of you to talk to him in person about this, but it may make things difficult for you to break off. I would seriously consider having a phone breakup with this guy. If he cancels tonight for any reason I would simply not speak to him again. You’re giving courtesy to him he hasn’t particularly earned.

I’m confused. First you say you are ok with things and will stop texting him to see if he shows interest. Then he just sends a pic of his kid and asks you to come over last minute, so you jump?

You know you are going for sex. And it’s juvenile to tell him you don’t like that he didn’t text first? Seriously? Your issue isn’t about how much he likes you. I thought he covered that at least twice and said ‘duh, of course I like you or wouldn’t talk to you for so long?’

Then, you ask him about sexual exclusivity? I thought you were confident he had no other dates or time for anyone else?

Meemee, the question you keep avoiding to ask him is whether or not he is seeking a BF and gf relationship.

You don’t want to ask him the real question. This has nothing to do with his texting or if he likes you. It has everything to do with whether he views this as a real relationship or casual fwb.

So I went over and had the talk……… and he said he likes me a lot, that we are seriously dating in his mind, that he never realize the importance of text to me, that now he knows he will text more, that he is slowly learning what is important to me and what is not…..

So that is surprising to me, and I think it provides clarity ….

I need to spend time to think about it…and figure out how to balance my expectation vs his habits…

He also said the last 6 months with me made he realize how different men and women are and he is slowly adjusting himself

Meemee, you do not like it or you wouldn’t be on this forum for so long on top of paying for advice that left you in the same position you were…no where!

Are you his GF? Does he envision a future with you? If not, YOU ARE IN AN FWB, and a weak one at that. You solved nothing by not directly telling him what you want (“a relationship”) and then confirming if you are IN a bonafide RELATIONSHIP with him. Sorry, but all you’ve suceeded in doing is to go round and round on the same hamster going no where.

I digress.

Meemee –

Here’s a quote that helped me in the past to make good decision for myself..

“What choice would I make in this situation if I truly loved myself?”

Pretend you are someone who loves herself and has excellent standards.

You are seriously dating, but he never bothers to ask you out or integrate you into his life -oh, other than to send you pics of his kid.

I’m with Kaye on this. He told you just enough to keep stringing you along. This man is not your soul mate! He is using you for a FWB and in fact, making you do most of the work at it. And he is very good and slick about it.

Notice how he sends pics of the kid to make you think he is incorporating you into his life – and then only to ask you over for sex. He doesn’t even come to you.

It’s too bad that at his age he doesn’t understand the difference in men and women. I call BS too on that. He was married! And I’m sure he has dated before and after that- probably even had other GFs. But of course now amnesia has set in and he has no idea how to really treat a woman. So you now have to teach him how. Poor thing. Let’s see if he can make it through remedial training and send a few more texts to you.

Lane
That is why I wrote my last post. Meemee knew going into this that he would double talk her. She even posted how the conversation would go and she wasn’t far off the mark. This man talks in circles and gives no answers.

We all know when someone can’t give a straight answer they are lying and/or avoiding.

This man knows he has her where he wants her, and how to keep having her with little to no effort. I agree with Jay. He is manipulative and slick. His behavior is not how a man acts when he see’s a future with you.

This is so interesting. My FWB was in a bf/gf relationship before we met. They had broken up for over a year. What he told me of the relationship made me realise that what they had was an FWB with a title. They used to meet to have sex once in a while when they were free. There were hardly any dates. He told me that he did not see a future with her and that she was just convenient. She just was not comfortable being in an FWB so for her “convenience” he gave her a title. When in actuality all they were was FWB. His previous gf also, he had dated for over 5 years and then she dumped him as he was not progressing and met and got married to another guy in a year.

I think my FWB and I went on more dates together than he and his last ex gf. I think he took his previous gf on more dates at least.

I thought he was ideal for FWB as I did not see a future with him and so offered him that and he accepted.

Meemee – you say that you are not ok with FWB. But what you have is an FWB with the guy telling you that you guys are in a “serious relationship” to appease you that you are not really in an FWB.

How can you ‘dump’ someone who isn’t a BF or really into you other than casual sex?
Be honest meemee. This man never was what you wanted, and kids or not, you already said you want a soul mate and a man to be with you for life, whether that means married or otherwise.

This man never was…I just wish you would admit this and move on. Because right now you are playing semantics. He ignored you for 5 days over thanksgiving AFTER he claimed he would understand your desire for more contact. In his mind he isn’t ‘dating you seriously’ he is a dick.

And the sooner you recognize that, the sooner you move on and meet a man who wants what you want, I would drop this partner guy without even a glance back. He is using you. And you know it,

Jen – you are over simplify something that you do t really understand a lot about..

It is not easy question in terms of what I want…. I think I want more than I can afford to have , given my life situation and my desire to raise my kids freely and give them a free childhood, which means no man in the picture until they are off to college ….

So what kind of man should I be looking out for? I don’t know is the most honest answer

I am divorced with 2 little kids under age 10. I was dating this really great guy for about 1.5 years but broke up with him as we were not compatible in two things which I thought was essential to marriage. He showed me how a guy who is really interested in you actually treats you. And it is so great to know that I never had to wonder with him.

I am looking to date someone and get married but I am not in a hurry and he would have to be one hell of a guy.

Right now I am taking a break from dating as I have been unwell and I want to emotionally get over the guy I was dating. I do not believe in jumping from relationship to relationship. In fact to me personally, I still consider it “dating” and not really in a relationship if you are not living together/engaged/married. Bf/gf is still just dating for me.

When I had just gotten divorced, I was not ready to jump into a new relationship and so got an FWB who used to satisfy my physical needs as well as provide friendship. And I always choose my FWB depending on how he treats me, how considerate he is, that I know we are on the same page and the most important of all …. that I DO NOT SEE A FUTURE WITH HIM. With my FWB I had gone on dates, we have had movie nights etc. etc. What I have not done with an FWB is go on overnight outings and sleep overnight. My FWB is always sexually exclusive … no if/ands or buts about it. We both get tested and always use protection. In fact I had even met his parents/gone to a family function and even met his friends. Why not? We were friends too. It does not have to be a sordid hit it and quit it affair.

Again I find myself in a situation where I am not really looking to date till I am emotionally ready and physically ok. Again, I have a guy who is wooing me for an FWB. He first asked me to date and I told him that I do not see a future with him and so DO NOT intend to date him in the traditional sense. But that does not mean I want to just jump into bed with him. In fact I am so busy right now with my kids, work and friends that the time that I can spend with him, I rather do a Netflix and chill evening than go out on “dates”. I need to be able to know the guy whom I am going to be doing an FWB with. I take it really slow where sex is concerned, it is totally awesome just not jumping right to the sex and it helps a guy and girl know what ticks and how to turn on the other person better. The slower the better as then you know exactly where the other person’s erotic zones are. This way I believe you can teach the guy exactly what kind of foreplay you like and you also know if he is going to be a giving lover or a selfish one.

My old FWB contacted me but he is going thru quite a bit right now and I do not think he would have the time more than once or twice in a month or two to meet up and I am definitely looking for more frequency than that.

That’s another reason why I feel this guy is the perfect FWB for you. And if you do not like the “word FWB”, then you can put a title on it to appease your “sensibilities” but what you would have would still be an FWB with a title.