I will talk to my partner guy tonight… and be done with it

I don’t know where you get this concept that kids would live under ‘another man’s rule’
There are plenty of very healthy step family’s. kids need both male and female role models. And seeing Eric mom in a healthy relationship helps to model for both boys and girls what to expect and how to set the bar.

Your sense of self and kids is so off. Vacationing in Cancun isn’t teaching you kids anything but materialism. The greatest gift you can give them is the gift of understanding how people relate. Boys and girls who do best, come from parents and step parents who model this behavior,

Lane is a perfect example on here of someone who had a strong male model as dad in her life. There are other women here who say the same.

Sheltering your kids from relationships isn’t helping them. They will end up being a mess like you are.

Meemee… seems like you just got divorced. I have been divorced for two year now. In the beginning that’s exactly how I visioned. I don’t get any free time as my kids are with me 100 percent. Their dad doesn’t have any interest in the kids. That breaks my heart and I thought about it, which boy doesn’t want a male figure in his life? My son was not doing that great in school but this year he got a male teacher and he is on top of everything. Mother can provide a lot of things but can’t provide everything. I met this guy who had a terrible dad, he became rebellious and started getting off track in his youth. He told me his story how his mom got divorced and re-married and his step dad made his life. He sent him to university, set up a business for him and now with his step dad’s help he is a successful businessman and owns a million dollar house. He goes to me I wouldn’t have done this if I didn’t have my step dad in my life. I wouldve been in jail or probably a homeless man. So thinking that why bring man in my kids life is not right. Not all men are bad. There are some very good men out there who can love you and love your kids as their own.

Regarding this man, I am going to tell you right now he is not into you. I have done this to one guy before I met the man I am dating now. Sending snaps of my kids making him apart of what I am doing but I lost my intereest in him and didn’t give him any time. I feel bad that I was stringing him along but I was in a process of making a decision about the guy I am dating. Do yourself a favor walk away. If he comes after you he is yours if he doesn’t you know where you stand

C – maybe you are right about step dad… I have to be convenienced when I run into that good man… For now, my ex is a fairly devoted dad, we do week on/week off with my two boys… We live 3 traffic lights away, we still share the same nanny that we had for the past 12 years since my older son was born… So i really don’t feel the need to get another father figure for my boys….

In terms of the guy, you are right, he is not interested, at least not enough… I have long come to terms with that… And I am stopping initiating… Like you said, if he comes after me later on which I highly doubt, I can re-assess then… Otherwise, I will let this die a quiet death… and i am totally in peace with that idea….

Thank you

I am glad everyone on here finds it ‘so easy’ to find the perfect guy, That why we’re all on here.

And we all have the right to handle things as we wish. Meemee has said she is at peace with what she is doing. She is trying to let her feelings come down for this guy, and when they do, she will probably let him go. What is wrong with that??

That’s what I did with my LD guy, and I am glad I did it that way. I was positive I wanted to let him go until he had more time for me and I did. I don’t recommend anyone anything different until they realize it is what they want to do..

I am glad everyone on this site finds it so easy to find an available, suitable partner for them whenever they wish. We all should drop someone we like who is meeting some of their needs and not abusing us in any way, asap. If Meemee found someone she really liked other than this guy she would drop him. And just because he is somewhat in her life doesn’t mean she isn’t keeping her eyes open when someone else comes along. Women are capable of this just as much as men are. Don’t underestimate us..

Kathy, Meemee is a big girl. if she is posting here then she has to know that it’s open for comment. if she or you don’t want the comments, then you don’t have to post. Meeting the right guy is only a struggle if we make it that way. At any age, there are plenty of good men out there. Although it’s obvious from your posts that you and she believe otherwise. Which is then what you experience.

Kate – that was last Wednesday when I was in Cancun… due to connection, I did not see it until Thursday when I responded…. noting from there… Monday I got back and I initiated and asked him what changed, and he was utterly confused as to he did not understand why I even asked the question…..A few back and forth, and I left there …..

The last 6 months has definitely been a learning experience for me… I initially thought he was a player only motivated by sex, no interest in other things ….As time goes on, I realized he is just a very disengage and distant type of personality…

Looking around, I have coworkers like that, I have gf who dated guys like that…. it usually ended the same way – the girl got so fed up trying to engage and could not, and after 2-3 years move on….

“Fed-up” is exactly how I feel today…and that is why I left it yesterday and totally fine with just letting it die a quiet death now…

Kathy – don’t worry about me….. I work around screamers all my life… my current cfo can be very short and very humiliating too…. i am good at letting go negativity… I can just laugh them off…

In the last few days, there are few posts about this type of guys…. not sure why some guys have his type of personality ..

*including two children that are happy to have a caring mother (I did somehow delete this part of my respons)

I;m glad that you’re feeling ready to let go Meemee.

I don’t think it’s a case of everyone being able to find the perfect guy as you said Kathy. I see it as being emotionally ready and available for when the right guy comes along. That’s what this website has taught me anyway. When I got here I was wasting my time, love, care, body and mind with a man who met some of my needs, but not all.

I let go and did a lot of self-improvement work to get myself back to a good place emotionally. Some months later I met a really lovely guy, who is now my boyfriend. If I was still involved with the first man then I would never have met my BF, and even if I had, my mind and heart would have been elsewhere.

It’s almost like a cloud of confusion these guys put you under, and you can’t see the decent men through it. So this is why everyone is telling Meemee to let go, because once you do, and once you’re ready, you’ll be able to spot the good man who meets ALL your needs and wants in a relationship.

I do hope that you both, Meemee and Kathy, find the kind of loving, committed partner that you are worthy of.

Just as I made the mental decision to let him go and deleted his everything thing, he texted me last night around 10 pm apologizing for lack of communication, saying he was in the city (San Francisco) all day because one of his teams clashed with the compnay that they are auditing, and that when can he see me again?

He, apparently, did not think 5 days of no communication is any problem, got very confused as to it is a big deal for me, and now thinks everything is just fine, had no clue that I already made my decision to cut him off…

Meemee – please look up a term “abandoholism” and “outer child”. I think you will find valuable information there in how to not get involved with unavailable men. You do create your own pain and you need to stop.

Nat – you are too funny!!!!!!

I have been “seeing” this guy for 7 months now, first 4 months was I thinking he was a player, that all the time he did not text me, he was texting someone else…It is really the last 2-3 months that I came to realize what I am really dealing with – a busy man that is severely lacking in communication style and also who does not seem to desire much emotional connections…

I agree with you that the only way to date him is to set up an alarm in his iphone to remind him to text you every day at 9:15AM…..But do I want to go that way?

I decided yesterday that I dont want to go that way, I’d rather find someone that is more warm and engaging…..So I have not responded to his text yet….and I probably won’t….

If he continues to reach out, and I decide to give it another try, I will definitely take your advice to have that talk, and set up the alarm in his phone…..

But I am not sure if I want to go the route….I put myself back on match last night, got 11 emails this morning… So we will see… Maybe I will find a better man soon…..

My observation about you meemee is that you either don’t know what you want or can’t articulate it.

Going back on a dating website without clarification just gets you more of nothing.

For a woman who claims to be so competent, you act extremely immature when it comes to communication and relationships.

I suggest you stay off the dating sites and give yourself a month or two to figure yourself out. Decide what you really want and write it down. Then when you are ready to date, make it clear what you want and don’t settle for less.

You go into these situations either wish washy, at best, or compromising what you really want and then hit a dead end.

I also think that a mature woman knows how to get out of a situation in a classier way than to just delete someone’s number and ghost. But then this gets back to your inability to speak up for yourself and have mature dialogue about not only getting into a relationship but also out of one,

You had a great chance to practice asking for what you wanted with this guy, you focused on minutiae and not the bigger picture. And even so, asking him to text you more was still less than what he wants to offer. The title to your thread was you were going to tell him what you wanted. But you aren’t honest with him or yourself. Because if you had been you would have told him you want a relationship, not a few more text messages.

This isn’t picking on you, it’s an observation. And Nats advice is off the wall. The last thing you need to do is program a man’s phone to text you. She has encouraged you all this time to keep pursuing which was as you can see ridiculous,

It’s not about ‘patience’ it’s about a man’s level of true interest. A woman never has to do any work when a man really wants to be with you.

Seriously.. take a break and stop the madness.