If a Guy Cheats on his GF, Does that Mean theres problems in their relationship?

If he’s confused/unhappy, he had NO right to drag you into his chaos. He’s a liar, plain and simple. Go no contact and do your best to forget about him. Actions speak louder than words. If you want a fling, hang out with him. If not, get rid of him.

Thanks everyone!

yeah part of me wanted to find a “reason” for why he could have done this to his gf that he apparently cares “so much” about since he genuinely seemed like a nice guy and I’ve been friendly acquaintances with him for almost a year before hooking up. He just didnt seem like the type! But at the end of the day, I guess he’s just a scumbag and there’s really no need for an explanation. I suppose if a guy is gonna cheat on a girl, then it doesnt really matter the reason since cheating is cheating. If there are problems in their relationship, then he is still a scumbag for not breaking things off with his gf. If there arent problems then he just needs to learn to control himself and his urges. There’s really no excuse for cheating! UGH i can’t believe i thought he was nice. :/ I feel bad for the girl!

Hey Brianna,

good choice not to see him again! I see things a little different than the other comments here, but on one thing we all agree: He’s a bad egg.

My reason for saying this is not, because he cheated although that does not make him a good person either. Cheating as such happens for many reasons. Personally I have been cheated on once and been the unknowing “side chick” once, too, so it’s not as if I speak from first hand experience here but I have recently spoken a lot about that particular topic to a friend of mine who cheats on his wife of 11 years from time to time.

His reason for it is not that he doesn’t love his wife or that their sex life is not fulfilling. It is simply because they are always the same people. People change in character all the time except for a few basic features but they mostly do not change physically (except that they age gradually). He said that she will always “taste” the same and always have the same face and body.

So now imagine your favourite food – pancakes for example. You love them and when they are on your plate you could not be more joyful. Now imagine eating pancakes every day… for years. And then one day you eat a salad and the next day the pancakes taste like your favourite food again.

Of course it’s not all that simple, but this can also be the reason why someone cheats. I don’t know if this is it in your case since he does not seem to have been with this girl all that long, but this is the only remotely humane explaination I can come up with.

But like I said: This one is no good for you and that is, because HE DID NOT TELL YOU FROM THE VERY BEGINNING. Meaning he was not honest with you. And that is why even if they break up tomorrow and he offers you to take you out on a date or to be your boyfriend: DON’T DO IT! This guy might think the world of you and is probably right when he says that you are great! But he is an unfaithful liar albeit he be a charming one.

All the best

Mary

Also Mary,
I feel sorta sad because a small part of me is hoping that things might not work out with his gf for whatever reason and that he will start to ask me to hang out with him instead. I know that this is a LONG shot because first off, they would have to break up, which I dont see that happening anytime soon because he seems pretty dedicated to her. Then he would have to like me enough to actually pursue me which MIGHT happen, but then of course, like you mentioned, it would never work out anyways because he is a cheater and has already hurt me. So logically it would not be a good idea to even attempt something with him THAT IS IF he even broke up with his gf which probs isnt going to happen. So the whole thing just makes me sad since there is literally no way in hell that I would ever end up with him :( It sucks cuz I havent really liked a guy in this way in a LONG time. UGH MY HEART HURTS.

Hey Brianna,

Oh I get you so much honey! I know it’s hard but cut him out of your life. It is nice to hear compliments, but don’t get them from him. It’s obvious to me that every compliment he gives you you take with a side of “this feels nice, but he is in a relationship and it’s bad of me to like the things he says”.

You are good. I would like it if you were to treat yourself accordingly :) Take the compliments for their positive worth and push him away by either telling him that you cannot continue this or just by not answering your phone anymore. It really is an act of pushing but you will feel better when the dust settles.

Here are some other tipps and things that I think:

I think that he sort of broke down some walls that you had built around yourself and that is good in the long run, because now you are open to other people as well. And as crazy as this sounds I would love for you to go on at least one or more dates as soon as possible. Use this new feeling of being open to start something new with a person that is worth being your partner.

And if you have a huge sexual appetite right now (which would be perfectly understandable) have a one-night-stand. I know this sounds really, really drastic but there is a reason I am suggesting it: Right now your body produces two things phenylethylamine (or short PEA) and ocytocin. The first is a neurotransmitter that is closely related to the drug coke and helps you produce dopamine (stuff that makes you happy). You get a dose of it whenever you feel attracted to someone and then again and again when they interact with you. It is also part of why you feel a little crauy or are “crazy for someone”.

The second is a relationship hormon. It makes you fee. Connected to someone. Men get a high dose of it before sleeping with someone which is why some will say and do just about anything for you to have sex with them. They feel connected. Women however get a hefty dose of it after sex and it tapers off more slowly. And these two things are why I am suggesting dates and a one-night-stand.

If you were to sleep with someone now your ocytocin would balance itself out because you would feel it for two men at a time which in turn would mean that if one of them was not that important to you (ons-guy) the other (the one with the gf) would also not be.

I hope this was not too much biochemistry. If it was just tell me. And if I should explain it more I will.

Bottom line is just this: You are nice andyou deserve way better!

Hugs
Mary

I was with a guy for 2 1/2 years. Our lives were very integrated. Spent time with each our families and a lot of time together. He initiated the conversations about marriage, his idea to go ring shopping, his suggestions to move in. It all made me happy. He was very considerate and did things for me was very touching and infect genuine. I think everyone in our lives was just waiting for the big engagement announcement from us. One day randomly…I find out that he’s been messaging several girls inappropriately. Exchanging phone numbers, trying to set up times to meet, being flirtatious. I called him out. He cried. Said I’m the most important person in his life and he just messed up. Doesn’t know why he did it but said he never met up with anyone. After a week of trying to show me I can trust him…I caught him deactivating his facebook and changing the password…something he said he wouldn’t do. We haven’t spoken since then. No contact from him. It makes me feel like he did not even love me in the first place. I’m confused. Our sex life was frequent and he hardly ever argued…communicated a lot throughout the day and spent almost all our free time together. No one in his family of friends even suspect this other side to me. Im still in disbelief that i found out. To everyone, he is the nice decent good man. Why did this happen? Will he ever realize the full extent of how much he broke me? Will he ever try to reach out to me again? Help!

I can relate with your story. I was with a guy on and off for almost 5 years. Things were damn complicated. I made a few mistakes, he made a few mistakes but i never lied about it nor tried to hide it.He was well aware about everything.Still we had some sort of liking towards each other. Last year we got back again. Well we eventually got physical. And when i was about to fall for him all over again he asks me to stay away as he likes someone else and wants to be with her. I was confused , angry, betrayed! And I decided to get over over him, move on and never look back! But in last few months we were in contact again and he said he had lied to me about having some other girl in his life so as to keep me away from falling in love with him..And like a fool i believed him :/ I just feel sorry for that poor soul because he did have a gf for a loonnnngggg time and he cheated her with me till last fortnight. He lied to me twice!! and cheated her a couple of times. I just get up every morning and tell myself I did not do anything wrong..And now his gf knows about everything(and i am sure i must be the bad person as i must have tempted him into it or something like that) and she apologizes on his behalf and asks me to stay away from him! and he ended it by questioning my morals!!! Like seriously??? How did i end up being the bad guy?!

Regards

People are not all good or all bad…they have shades….

Given that – the real question is what shades can you live with?

I want to caution you very well here – this man knows how to lie very very well and all these wonderful things he says about you and his GF do not stand up to his actions.

Empathy is a mature concept…the ability to put yourself in someone’s shoes…even for a minute. This guy does not have empathy otherwise he would not be able to cheat and lie so easily. You really have to step back and take another look at this guy…not at who you wish he was but who he really is.

When someone shows you who they are believe them…he has qualities (at least on the surface) but when you look deeper he has huge flaws and is not capable of certain feelings.

You all are right! and its the right thing to do. But when he told me about his gf for a moment i was like once she finds out she will be mad at him.. they will get into a fight and then he will realize how much it hurts! but they are fine. And I feel weak standing up against them. He must have told her so many bad things about me. And there is no way to find that out. Because she has the nerves to come and say please i know some things about you so before things get worse stay away!!!! I have made mistakes horrible ones which i regret a lot but i really dont need cheating bf accepting girl to tell me that! for them I am the meddler.For three months he flirted with me,he was nice to me and suddenly when he realized his gf is coming back a simple text please dont contact me henceforth. After the whole thing I decided to give him his space and not talk to him and yesterday I found out that he has blocked me from all social networking sites, changed his number. And i was like are you kidding me? He is just trying to rub it in face! That in spite of his infidelity he is happy and everything. :/

K, we dont..

We don’t forget.. We might forgive, but we wont forget..

It will always leave a scar..

Never ever in a million years take back or casually hook up with someone who cheats on you or others. Ladies stop justifying reasons that men cheat. They should not period. I vote for going back to old school DATING. girls if we all stick together with this concept…don’t hook up casually and make these guys earn our respect before COMMITING, the relationship world would be a better place!

Yup he got some cake and then he eated it all up and then he was fat, bloated and like “yeah do like eating me some cake”

Ahh the nice nerdy polite ones. Well iv just potentially realised what they might be capable off

My gy jjust blindsided me on a LDR girl friend, he never ever mention until and I’m very lucky just before our date.
He dint go through with date! He finally mentioned her.
Confusing situation as to what happened, but one theory is that my guy,; he was just out to get some cake and she saw his phone and gave him hell! He got busted!!

Again nice decent guy.

Every bodies right he’s a shit bag!! He’s relationship what condition is it in? Who knows.
Is he a decent guy though? nope? Decent guys don’t do that. He’s a selfish guy.

Then after the affair and he’s done something really scum-baggy, does he own it. Does he face up to what a shit bag he’s been to you and his girlfriend. Hell no! He’s selfish.

He makes himself feel better about by saying he lovers her (no he doesn’t) and that your special, of course you he wanted an affair with you.

Man, there are so many loveable, sexy, smart awesome women out there how can he possibly be responsible for keeping it in his trousers!
I mean someone like you comes along and Dong! You’re the ding-a-ling he just can’t keep it in!!

I’m sorry you got duped like this, seems like you handled the situation really well. Must have been so awful to have found out and duped like that.

You don’t deserve it.
Sure there are situations where an affair happens because a guy genuinely falls for someone else and the relationship he has is rocky. Or the relationship is in a bad way and he’s looking for an outlet

I guess if this was case he would have left her, or left her for you.
The reason he didn’t is because that’s not what happened. The reason it wasn’t just sex, is well why have plain hamburger when can have cheese.
Seeing as you are smart and fun to be around as well, well why not have some intelligent fun beautiful woman keep you company and brighten your day.

Unlike in my case I think it’s pretty clear he never mentioned his gf from the off because he wanted to keep his options open. He’s a selfish cheater. I would be surprised if he’s done it before or came close or dies it again.

Ps

Sorry I can’t write so well on my dying ipad key board. There was a lot of sarcasm in the post so I hope the sarcasm is misinterpreted as being mean.

I’m totally on this chicks side she did nothing wrong! X