If He Wants No Strings, Why's He Trying To Get Me To Fall For Him?!

Newbie & Lil,

I really do appreciate your responses and that you actually answered my question, thanks for that!

Lil,

Okay, I won’t say anything. I’ll just enjoy the ride while it lasts and let him be himself. It’s a lot of fun for now, and if I do get sick of it or if it gets too weird, I’ll just wish him the best and move on.

I agree some of the advice has been pretty shaming. I also agree a lot of the advice has been pretty on point. Many men (even some women) take much more satisfaction in getting someone to fall in love with them — then actually being in the loving relationship itself. The REAL growing and learning of each other and developing intimacy never happens because they will almost immediately lose interest once the honeymoon stage ends or even earlier — once you fall for them and begin to have REAL expectations of commitment.

Additionally. What many women will learn through the dating process, especially when looking for casual, is that a lot of men (at all ages) do not have their identities developed or they are narcissists. So when you tell them you’re only looking for fun — they actually feel threatened by that — because they don’t feel good enough at their core or feel they are better than everyone — so yes, will work very hard to get you to fall for them. It’s pathetic and sad. But most men don’t do casual any better then women. The girls catch feelings. And the dudes don’t know how to treat hook ups respectfully.

I also agree that you are questioning what all his behavior can “mean”. because you are obviously feeling ‘something’. Live by this — Trust a mans words when he tells you what he tells you. Actions mean NOTHING, no matter how loving, if the words don’t match. And even when they do match — give it 90 days. This man will not make you happy in the long run.

I don’t really get how you’re so confused about his behaviors if you think you know what you want and also you two established that you’re fwb.
He is JUST having fun just as you are. Part of the fun for him is to be over the top and cute and behave like a boyfriend without having to commit in a real way. It’s all fun and games for him.

you shouldnt have to pount this out serena, I knew what you were refering too. I think people are just freaking out over behaviour that they find odd and are not reading your post properly.

I supose my only concern is if his lack of impulse control ever scares you just a fraction end it.

He wants the girlfriend experience…
He will treat you like this until he hits a certain point with intimacy/connection, then he will bail or dial back. Not every guy looking for a FWB is just looking to have sex. Guys can enjoy romance too.

It’s all very superficial; we connect on different levels with people. At one point, you’ll begin connecting on a level that is deeper (or you won’t) and that is when things move forward or die.

Obviously, he wants the ego trip of you thinking he is fabulous.

Are people really so intent on believing that I’ve fallen for someone I’ve been on only a handful of dates with, and with whom I haven’t forged an emotional connection?

Why is that such a satisfying line of logic for some of the people on here? I just met him in person less than a month ago and have slept with him one night.

It’s really, really strange that so many people on this thread are absolutely dedicated to the idea that grown women will generally lose their hearts over people they barely know.

I know that it happens *sometimes* but most women aren’t that thirsty for love, in my opinion. It took me a few months to even start to fall for the guy with whom I had my last relationship, and he was damn near perfect.

I’d still be with him today if he wasn’t living in a different country for the next two years. We might even get back together when he’s returned home, and to be honest, that’s what I’d ultimately want.

Serena or Selena: to answer your questions above…

If you’ve been reading on this site at all regularly even for a few weeks you will see how common your situation is. Girl comes on here, thinking her FWB is catching feelings because she’s interpreting his behavior as BF. In almost all cases, it’s because she wants more and just doesn’t want to admit it. Most women don’t come here to hear the truth, they come to get their POV validated, even if it’s erroneous and clearly going to cause them pain because they are applying girl’s rules to a boy.

So if you are not that case, then fine, carry on. I wouldn’t say anything to him since you’ve got him sussed out and your own emotions in check, I don’t know why you think you should. If you are OK with and amused by his OTT behavior, then fine. It’s your life.

You’ve demonstrated as a lot of women do as a thread depends that you really know what’s going on with him and with yourself and you have the answers already. It’s OK to stop posting here to defend yourself to a bunch of strangers if you are happy with your choices. This is a public forum and you’re going to get all sorts of comments and POVs.

I meant, as a thread develops, not depends.

Why, you hit the nail on the head. Long posts explaining every little detail, making a case for why he’s acting like a BF, just don’t wash if you’re totally cool with an FWB sitch. And that’s the reason for my comment about too much protest.

I also think he’s lying about the last girl. And guys who talk smack about the last one will for sure talk smack about you when you’re gone. But the OP is young and probably doesn’t get that. Bottom line – her life, if this is fun for her, then WTH keep going.

Jenny nailed this-once again,if Serena is so happy and likes his over the top antics,she would have zero need to post/ask question. The only reason she has to “talk to him about it” would be to see if his wild expressions are just for as she may hope-that is why she wants to tell him he does not need to do that to impress her. What Serena hopeshe would say to that is “I want to,because you are the best womn ever and I finally could really know what love is,with you”.
I may be way off,but that is my take-otherwise she would have no reason to post as she” loves everything as is!”

Maybe she really is one of the rare ones who isn’t secretly hoping for more. It’s possible.

She wants something validated, that’s for sure. People don’t come on a dating site and post long descriptions of what’s going on in their FWB and ask if they should tell him to back off when they claim to have had the talk repeatedly of this is only FWB and both know for a fact it is only FWB and then turn around in the next breath and defend, defend, defend. They either laugh and ignore the behavior and keep enjoying themselves or they become less available to the FWB.

When you KNOW what you’re doing, then there’s nothing to discuss. You make your decisions and get on with it. There’s uncertainty about something here.

Anyway, best of luck @Serena or @Selena – have fun with him and walk when it’s no longer fun.

I think @Serena’s confusion is in her definition of FWB and BF. She thinks he’s acting like a BF – in his mind, I guarantee he does not. He’s just having fun with her, because he feels free to, because right now he believes she’s not going to want anything else from him, until she does just like all the others before her and then he will cut her off. There is no problem or confusion over this in his mind, no doubt about it. She thinks FWB means just wham bam thank you ma’am sex and because he’s giving her more than that she thinks he’s confused. Really @Serena – he’s fine with all of this. He’s been to this rodeo before and he knows how to play it. You have nothing to worry about if your real concern is he’s falling for you. But it’s obvious there is something else going on with you or as the others have said, you wouldn’t be posting and posting so much.

If you like his behavior and no one will get hurt just enjoy it.

He likes to act like a BF even if he is not a BF. That is just his style…sit back and enjoy.