If He Wants No Strings, Why's He Trying To Get Me To Fall For Him?!

@kaye

Definitely see where you’re coming from, here. I see why that makes little sense from an outside perspective looking in.

I think that the idea that he may or may not believe that I NEED the extra stuff on top of just fun companionship and good sex is kind of bruising to my ego? Maybe like he’s treating me like one of “those” girls who need to at least pretend that the other party is wooing them for feelings-related reasons instead of just sex-and-companionship related reasons? I know that’s probably really silly.

I’d told him that if he felt like he had anything to complain about vis-a-vis women he dates or sleeps with catching feelings for him he’d be able to nip that in the bud without lifting a finger if he just stopped bending over backward to be sweet and adorable.

He said that he very rarely pulls out all the stops- that the dynamic between him and the last person he was sleeping with was very much just a texting to make plans to hookup, doing the deed, and going their separate ways. He said he didn’t like her or respect her at all, so they didn’t even cuddle or anything.

He said that the girl he was in an actual relationship with prior to that lived with him because her previous living situation was terrible and he wanted to help out. He told me that he’d bought her a car and didn’t charge her rent, but he said she took advantage and he told her she needed to leave after a few months. He said that he felt obligated to help her but that they never really had a lot of chemistry.

He also briefly talked about his relationship with the woman he dated prior and it was a really similar situation, where he was a pushover and got taken advantage of because he was just “trying to be a good guy.”

And of course he pulled out the:

“I’ve never had this much chemistry with anyone, I’m amazed at how much I like you already, I’ve never liked anyone this much this soon, I usually hate cuddling but I just want to be close to you because I actually really like you, I don’t want to like you at all but I can’t help it. You always make me so happy and I can’t ever stop smiling when I think about you or read over your texts.”

Stuff.

Which he reiterates ALL the time. He goes out of his way to act like I’m some mystical unicorn that he can’t believe he’s discovered and that he likes me soooooooo much and that I’m so much better than everyone else he’s ever even talked to, let alone dated or slept with.

It’s just so unnecessary. I don’t need to hear about how surprised and amazed he is that he treats me better than everyone he’s ever dated and how I beat them at all the things because I’m Best Girl.

I’m not saying that I necessarily think he’s for sure lying through his teeth, but I take everything he says in that regard with a grain of salt because I barely know him from a hole in the wall. I know he likes my sense of humor and that he thinks I’m attractive, I know he likes talking to me all day, but I have no reason to think that he’s as into me as he says/acts like he is.

The idea that he might say all this to everyone he sees to try and make them feel SOOPER SPECIAL and that he thinks I need BS in order to stick around really rubs me the wrong way, because I’m really happy that I’m not that desperate and thirsty for external validation. I know I’m worthy of being loved and treasured, and I guess a huge part of me wants to tell him that if he doesn’t actually feel that way he doesn’t have to pretend he does?

Again, maybe it’s a really silly thing to be hung up on, I just don’t like the idea of having smoke blown up my ass. The cute/sweet/adorable ACTIONS are fine, it’s the WORDS that I’m having trouble letting slide.

I hope that makes more sense?

[Posts from this banned individual removed]

Oh I’ve seen this episode of gossip girl

@Emma,

I don’t think he’s doing anything wrong either! I’m very much enjoying myself and am definitely super excited to have
met someone who is so similar to me and who I can have fun adventures with. Like I’ve said, I have had a couple of FWB relationships
before and they ran their course without anyone getting their feelings hurt. I just got out of a loving, fulfilling relationship and am
still very much in love with that person and do hope that in a couple years we can pick up where we left off.

I’m dealing with being heartbroken right now, and it’s definitely not something I can’t handle or haven’t dealt with before, if I
do somehow end up falling head over heels for someone who has explicitly stated that they don’t have it in them to feel deep emotions
for anyone and never have, I think I’ll come out okay in the end.

As to your advice, I did halfway take it. He messaged me while he was at work today, hitting me with the “I just can’t believe you’re real”
thing. I said that I’m going to be enjoying our dynamic until he returns to the unicorn ether from whence he came.

He asked why I referred to him as a unicorn and I said that I haven’t ever met anyone who shared my particular brand of weird before, one who
I’m attracted to and who I enjoy talking to on a regular basis without getting bored or annoyed. I said that it was so awesome that we’re
on the same page and that his just wanting to have fun paired with also being particularly skilled at all the adorable/sweet stuff is a rare combination.

Then, I stressed that it’s REALLY cool that I don’t have to worry about him wanting anything more from me than great experiences, so it
makes it easy to just relax and enjoy it for what it is, and not having to worry about any ulterior motives.

So then he waited a few hours and then sent like 4 paragraphs about how we’re 100% on the same page, how he’s able to play this part in a way that
most guys probably couldn’t. He said that he knows exactly where I’m coming from and that I’ve been really upfront, so he knows not to try
and sway me and see where he stands compared to other people. He said it’s his job to fit into my life with as little friction as possible, and
ended with “I’m serious, my one goal is to make you happy. When I stop doing that is when it’s time to move on with my unicorn horn.”

So I really do feel like most people’s advice was really helpful! I just used a lot of positive reinforcement instead of what I was initially tempted to do.

So thank you and everyone else VERY much! I’m really happy about how this has turned out. If he does end up breaking my heart, I’ll make sure to run back here with my tail between my
legs and let everyone have a great big “I told you so” moment :)

Yeah I don’t get the need to be so over the top dude with your opinions on here. The op isn’t mean at all and some of y’all are very rude and unnecessarily insulting for no reason. I think some of y’all need to take a break from this forum and get happy or something because it’s coming off rude. Not saying that your opinions aren’t spot on but there’s a better tactic in conveying your opinions without being so ugly with them.

Oh my! What a frenzy all round this thread has turned out to be! Maybe we should all leave it there ladies- I thinks this post has more answers than the others currently active altogether!

As I said earlier, Be careful with you heart OP…

When we went out on Friday, I introduced him to two of my closest friends after we went to a BBQ with his friends. While I was in the pool, he and my married friend were joking about the bruises that I had on my thighs and arms, saying that we needed a “safe word.” I’m currently training in BJJ, so I’m always covered in bruises after sparring.

As luck would have it, we’d joked about safe words earlier that day before we left his house, and we ultimately decided on “feelings.” He told my friend this, and my friend laughed and said “oh but she definitely likes you, it’s pretty obvious,”

And he went “That’s not what she told me!” Then he loudly whispered “I definitely like her too, don’t tell her though.” And winked at me. I yelled “Gross!” from the pool and later when we were snuggled up on the couch I kissed him and told him I liked him too. He said “that’s f***ing gross,” and squeezed me really tight.

I spent the night at his place and he woke up a few hours before the alarm went off so that he could make me breakfast. He sang little songs to himself while he cooked and insisted on “helping” while I was trying to get ready for work. He tried brushing my teeth and tried brushing my hair so that I could “multitask” and get out of the house earlier. I couldn’t stop laughing. I kept saying “What the hell are you doing?” but I didn’t tell him to stop.

When I did end up leaving, I tried to just give him a hug goodbye, but he insisted on carrying my stuff out to my car for me. Once he got to my car, he said “you need to bring this around on your next day off so I can wash it for you,” and then opened my door for me. He leaned in and kissed me goodbye, then he called me on my way to work apologizing for making me late. He talked with me the whole hour drive to work.

Later he texted me said that he had no idea why he was so full of energy even though we’d had no sleep, that he just loves waking up next to me. I said:

“That’s because you’ve got a big’ ol crush on me,” Which he vehemently denied, saying “I hate you, what are you talking about?”. He said that it was obviously me that had the biggest crush and that I was hiding deeper feels behind a cool-as-a-cucumber mask. I told him that he was just indulging in wishful thinking and that I’d rather chew off my own foot than be with him. We had a teasing back and forth where we were insulting each other for about an hour before he said that he’d honestly “probably be with” me if I was available but that he’s fine with how things are. I said that I’d probably be okay seriously dating him if I was available too, but that how things are works perfect for right now.

So, I like that a mutual crush doesn’t have to mean anything deeper, I like that he treats me so special and that we’re just enjoying each other in the moment. Both of the friends that I introduced him to yesterday were gushing about how much they really like him, and he was bragging about how he’s won over everyone that I’ve introduced him to. I told him that they only like him because he’s a complete sociopath and that they’d all run for the hills if they knew what a monster he was under the surface.

I’m really loving this for right now- Thank you so much to everyone who gave such good advice and who were warning me not to get too far into my feelings. I totally have a crush on him but I know not to let it go too far :)
I really appreciate you guys

They’re both young, 25 years old with many years ahead to become serious adults. They are both OTT. So what?? Maybe not how I’d behave and maybe not the guy I’d want to spend time but it’s not my life, it’s hers and she has a right to live how she wants to live. She’s been warned about the dangers with this guy. She gets it or she will learn. We have no right to judge her.

… You’re out & about on singles nite… You see ‘Prince Charming’ sthicking with another girl… ??

Hi Ladies!

I figured I’d just continue on this post for my question instead of doing a whole new one.

Things are going very well between the two of us and we’ve been more or less on the same page. We’ve spent his birthday and the 4th of July together and have both expressed that we’d “date the hell out of each other” if I was available.

Right now, we’re seeing each other around twice a week, sometimes more. We’re also both going on dates with others, but once we decided to “ditch” our dates after a couple of hours to go hang out with each other instead.

His ex had come over (they’d continued to hook up after he broke up with her, ) and found some of my things tucked away and had a huge blowup as she hadn’t realized that he was seeing other people.

He told me that he was very open to dating just me if I was amenable, but I told him that for now I just enjoy how things are. He flat out asked to be together exclusively about a week ago and I said that I’d need some time to think about it.

This definitely didn’t seem to bother him any, and we’ve continued as normal since.

The reason for the update is that late last night, he asked me to agree to go on vacation with him for the holiday season. He said that he’d pay for the tickets and accommodations up front and that I could just pay him back here and there as it got closer to December.

I agreed and started looking at places right away. My best friend lives in the city that he suggested, and he said that was the main reason he’d chosen that city, because “I have to meet her at some point, right?”

Even though I’m ridiculously excited and feeling all warm and fuzzy at the idea of having an entire week together on vacation together, I’m having some anxiety that this might mean a step forward that will be hard to walk back if things start to get serious. He wants to book things right away even though it’s several months from now, and I’m just not sure it’s completely wise to agree to a vacation in this specific situation.

Any input would be much appreciated

You don’t let a man pay for an expensive vacation 5 months down the road unless you know you want to get serious with him. I frankly think that is just plain wrong and stupid.

If you want to take a quick getaway trip with him, a month or so out, and you contribute to the cost, ok. Otherwise you are totally misleading him and also how do you know things will be solid in December?

Well he’s certainly not sleeping with her anymore, but he’s free to do whatever he likes with whomever. We’re not exclusive and we’re both seeing others at the moment. What he does when we’re not together is none of my business and he’s the one who is asking for exclusivity, not me.

Serena, you’re taking a HUGE risk here and you’re seriously playing with fire.

You know damn well what his history with women is – he’s not a good bet for a lasting long term relationship. The fact that you told him you’d have to think about exclusivity is very worrying, because last month you were assuring us you didn’t want anything serious with him because you want someone else back and this was just for fun. If that were really true you would have told him flat out you are just liking casual with him. And now you’re spending a couple of nights a week with him and ditching others to be with him. A slippery slope and you are going down it.

He’s chasing you hard and trying to get you because you are unavailable and you’re a challenge to him. I’m willing to bet money that as soon as he gets you to agree to exclusivity, he will lose interest and fade away or ghost at some point not all that long after.

Unless you decide you want to be serious with him and see where this goes and take the risk, do not agree to this holiday. It’s too far away, a lot can happen between now and December. And letting him pay is a bad idea.

What do YOU really want? Be honest with yourself. If this guy is just for fun for you, keep it that way and keep your distance. I think it strokes your ego that he is trying to get you exclusively and he’s counting on that. That’s his MO.

This is the guy who said, I could fall in love with you… JUST KIDDING. Remember that.

Now I could be wrong, maybe he’s changed and he’s really into you. It’s possible. But only you know him and only you can decide if you want to take the gamble on him. Just know that it may not work out and you’ll be yet another broken heart on the road behind him.