If He Wants No Strings, Why's He Trying To Get Me To Fall For Him?!

I think they are both playing not just him. Or lots of denial. That is why I am confused as to what advice is sought.

Hi Serena, Thanks for sharing your situation and asking our opinions. I apologize that some cannot seem to give it w/out sounding harsh or judgemental. However, for the most part from what I have read they are spot on.
I do believe this guy is a player or an overt Narcissist. Both thrive on getting women to fall for them, they get what they want, use you up then leave you and onto the next.
I also agree that by writing such an in depth story you are falling for him it sounds like. I mean how can you not when this guy sounds like a perfect match for you.
I saw some red flags while reading your story. Him wanting to make you happy, so happy you cry?, him throwing you in a strangers trunk( totally crazy and not in a good way in my opinion, him covering your mouth in the alley and “acting” like he’s dragging you backwards, him admitting that although he’s lived w/ and has had long term relations he’s never been in love? And saying that the last girl he had sex w/ for 4months he didn’t even like, he was basically just using her.
This guy in my opinion does have some issues and if nothing else is testing your boundaries to see how far you will go. Things are moving waaay too fast also which is another red flag.
If you were my friend especially fresh out of a relationship I would suggest you not see him anymore. It does sound like he wants you to fall for him BUT ONLY for it to stroke his ego for yet another conquest. I’d be really careful with your heart here. I have a great sense of humor myself but reading this I was like what omg 😲 this is over the top (and not in a good way).
After breakups we need to be focusing our attention back to ourselves and healing.
I just don’t have good feelings for you w/ this guy.
He may be fun at first but there definitely is a reason or reasons why he is sooo over the top. It’s not normal and I guarantee it won’t turn out for your benefit. I wish you the best hon! Remember to ALWAYS be true to you first and listen to your intuition. The fact that you wrote and that you are so confused isn’t a good sign to me of things to come. Be careful~ ✌🏻

She’s looking for advice on whether or not to agree to this trip with him in December.

Yikes!!! I agree w/ C…sounds like the Twilight Zine Wtf!!! I was just commenting from your original post but then just got caught up w/ the latest drama.
DO NOT GO ON VACATION W/ HIM. December is so far away and why is he rushing it?!
Serena, you are in way over your head. You sound really young and a bit naive(and I don’t mean that harshly). This guy has an agenda I guarantee you that!! I’m nervous for you, things have moved way too fast and now it sounds like you are blinded bc the sex is most likely thru the roof, that’s how these kinds of guys operate. He is probably telling the ex he isn’t seeing anyone and that’s why she flipped out. Now you are attached bc of the sex and before you said you just wanted casual. Really since you had just gotten out of a relationship you shouldn’t be w/ anyone until you get back to you again but now you are all enmeshed w/ this jokester.
This has got RED FLAGS WAVING left and right. You are in it and too close to see the danger here in my opinion. The others are right, he ONLY wants you now bc you are a perceived challenge. Once you let your guard down you are done for. I’d bet $ on this. As far as the vacation that he’s more than willing to pay for upfront and you can pay back before hand? What’s to say he doesn’t take your money, leave your ass and go w/ someone else by then? He says I’d meet your bf eventually right? When you guess aren’t even a couple yet? Weird
This guy gives me the creeps personally… warm and fuzzy my ass. Sounds like a psychopath

I knew that he was still seeing his ex from time to time, and it didn’t bother me at all. What he does when I’m not around has nothing to do with me.

She didn’t know he was seeing others, wasn’t even aware of the girl he was sleeping with for 4 months after they broke up. He didn’t tell her because he knew it’d wreck her emotionally. She was super in love with him and has been really depressed since the break up, from what I understand. She’s called asking to come over a couple times while I’ve been there. If he doesn’t pick up, she keeps calling until he does and tries arguing her way into his house.
She found my dress, jacket, and shoes tucked way back in his closet (I’d hung them there after he’d washed them for me,) when she was supposedly looking for something she’d left there. I think she was snooping, personally.

He told me about it because I asked him how his night had gone the next day. He and I are very open with each other about who we’re seeing, I’m not really a jealous person and while he definitely can be, he’s pretty self-assured that I’m not seeing anyone I like as much as him and- honestly- I am too.

Our dates are insanely fun and we do have sexual chemistry that’s through the roof. Everything we do feels like an adventure and we’ve both said that it seems like we’re made for each other. Same sense of humor, same outlook on life, same interests, etc.

He feels like a really close friend already and I’d be happy to date him if I was emotionally ready to date. I’m a little too emotionally closed off right now to be a good partner to anyone.

You’re all absolutely right that it’s just not the time to seriously date anyone, my heart and head just aren’t there yet. He says he understands, but that he definitely wants to be together because he’s never met anyone who he’s been able to be 100% himself with before, all over the top and with his insanely dark sense of humor.

I completely believe that, because his very good friend of about 6 years was over about a week ago, and the friend got so upset about a really dark inside joke that “Adam” and I were having (about how he was planning to murder me to indulge my “kink,” but that we had to plan it out perfectly because we’d only have one shot to get it right,) that he started crying and when we rushed to tell him that we were completely joking and tried to assuage him, he said that he’d never heard Adam joke like that before and that’s why he didn’t know it wasn’t serious.

He said he’ll wait as long as he needs to for me to decide, but in the meantime I make him really happy, so he’s going to enjoy whatever I’m willing to give.

My friends who’ve met him want me to just go for it, they absolutely love him. Even my brother and he exchanged numbers and have plans to hang out without me, and he’s helped out at one of my work events and plans on helping with another one this month.

We’ve talked about how my unavailability makes him want more and “keeps him hungry” and that the scarcity of my time and emotional bandwidth probably adds to its value.

I asked him if he thought he’d like me as much if we were just together exclusively and got as much of each other as wanted, and he said he had no idea.

All in all I’m happy with where things are. He said he feels like he wants to go all in and that we’re perfect for each other, weird in all the same ways, etc.

I just don’t want to take steps toward something serious that I can’t take back without ruining what we’ve got. It’s not fair to him and it could needlessly complicate things.

I joked today that he should propose to me while we’re on vacation in the Grand Central terminal if we do end up going, just to make a scene, and he joked that he absolutely would, and said that tomorrow we should go window shopping for engagement rings so he’ll know what my taste is.

I think that a romantic vacation would probably complicate things further though, so I’ll really have to reiterate that this is just a fun, impulsive thing and that it doesn’t mean we’re getting serious. That way it won’t be leading him on and we won’t have to worry about anyone’s feelings getting hurt.

“I asked him if he thought he’d like me as much if we were just together exclusively and got as much of each other as wanted, and he said he had no idea.”

WRONG ANSWER. And there’s his get out of jail free clause…

But I’m pretty sure you’re going to find out the hard way what he’s really like when he’s gotten you all in and then he suddenly does a runner and tells you he can’t handle a relationship or isn’t ready or is too young or whatever.

I’ve got to hand it to him, he’s got a great triangle drama going with you and the ex.

He and the ex aren’t even in contact anymore, and haven’t been ever since she found my stuff. I know he’s going on dates with new people though, we always tell each other about it after. I don’t feel threatened at all, again – it has nothing to do with me. He offered to stop seeing people all together because he says that he just doesn’t have as much fun in comparison but I told him I wasn’t going to stop seeing others so he might as well keep it up.

There’s absolutely no drama between his ex and I, I haven’t even heard about her since and she never comes up in conversation. I actually enjoy hearing about his dates and vice versa.

I recently went out with this adorable Irish guy (he even had an accent!) and dressed in all green. He dressed in a shirt that was in an American flag print. We met at an Irish pub and then went to an americana themed restaurant.
It was really fun! Had such a great time, told Adam all about it and he was laughing along with me.
We really don’t have any conflict surrounding our dating lives, it’s not an issue.

To be honest, the only time he’s expressed any sort of negative emotion about it was when I told him I’d kissed the Irish guy at the end of the date and he was offended that I’d made him wait longer.

Actually, one other time he got upset was when I told him that I kind of enjoyed that I’m the one that gets to go on all the super fun dates and everyone else he’s been on a date with since me just gets the standard dinner date and became pretty upset.

He said he didn’t understand why I don’t mind him sleeping with other people but want our dates to be special,and that I shouldn’t want anything to be special between us because he’s “nobody” and I’m going on dates left and right and that he’s just a physical means to an end for me.

I said it was probably just an ego thing on my end, and that it didn’t necessarily make any logical sense. He said it seemed like I wanted to have my cake and eat it too, and that I was messing with his emotions and he felt like I might be trying to get inside his head.

He apologized the next day and asked if we could meet up, then explained that it would be easier for him if I didn’t act like what we had was special to me in any way because he knows he can’t have me.

This was a couple of weeks ago and since then we have moved past that completely and talk about how rare our connection is pretty often.

But aside from those two things, we’ve literally never had any negativity between us.

Do Not chip in money for the Holiday Vacay…

You break up & are left with paying for non-refundable time with someone you don’t want to be seen with…

Is this the ex that he “didn’t even like”? So he’s back to using a woman he doesn’t like and respect for sex? And you respect this guy???

I just love a guy that jokes about murdering me to his friends and makes his friends cry! FUN STUFF!

You need to get a grip. And you are full of BS yourself, telling him on the one hand you don’t want to be serious and on the other tell him to propose to you while on this vacation that you aren’t sure you should take? Why the hell would that be a good idea to even JOKE about if you aren’t trying to lead this guy on.

You are feeding off his perverse and frankly probably could turn scary attention.

You are both as looney as each other and I’d say you deserve each other except iI’m actually worried he might turn out to be a genuine crackpot (the dangerous kind).

The fact that his friend believed it enough to make him cry tells me everything I need to know. This guy has a creepy edge. Yeah, maybe it’s disguised as “humor” but none of my friends would believe me if I said something like that. So the fact his friend actually fell for it tells me something is really off with this dude.

I don’t see one person here, out of dozens, who seems to think this dude is normal or that you are in a good situation.. but you obviously aren’t listening so best of luck.

Ali-

Hahaha that’s what I said after his friend left! I said it was concerning that his buddy believed he was capable of murder.

That said, he and that friend went out boating the next day and from their snaps, everyone was all smiles. I don’t think I’d be able to hang out with someone who I thought was secretly a murderer, to be quite honest.