Home › Forums › Did He Lose Interest? › Ignored Again
- This topic has 111 replies and was last updated 7 years, 3 months ago by
Ashley.
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Pandora
If people are in love, there its only one sure way to see it clearly: time… like after 5 years :)
Ashley, you loved/love this guy, and that is important. How many times you fall in love with somebody? Like real love… its very rare… So, it was/is a good thing, regardless, how it turned/turns out
There was a comment about the emptiness in his life, and all the showing off on the social media proves that
I dont know, what would help you now, to get angry, or to go on a date, or just allow yourself to love him regardless…. our feelings should not be a reflection of how we think the other feels about us…. BUT! our action should reflect their actions, that is for sure
you loved him for a long time, you are hurt now, it wont go away just like that, you have to come to terms with this, and if you chose to love him, then love him…. just dont act on it
I dont know, if it makes sense, but we all focus only on people we love and discard the others….. what about the guys, who are you dating in a bid to forget him…. is it fair on them? what if they fall in love with you? and you will be indifferent, because you are in love with somebody else…. and he will telling about it to his friends, and the female friends will tell him: she is a narcissist, she only uses you, etc etc……does it make you a narcissist? no
I am not sure, if I am saying this correctly, but if you love him, own it…. I dont think you are ready to get over him just yet… and dating others… which is understandable
lots of people (here and in real life) were in a not loving relationships for years, and somehow they think, you are allowed 24 hours to get over him
it will be a process, just make sure you dont hurt others in the process in bid of an easy releif
Tell yourself: I love that idiot, only time will help, I will cry, I will do silly things, but I will survive…. give yourself months to move on…. dont “date” anybody, but try to understand more the people, who you have in your life, do the right things, and it will come back, believe me… just give it a time, dont rush in anything
Ashley, you are a very attractive girl, I bet you are a thousend times better then those pijama girls, who are cheap (and he knows it, dont doubt it)
Lay off social media, dont do snapchats (or what is it) every day, dont be online all the time
Ashley
Thank you so much Pandora. You’re absolutely right, I cannot date or anything right now. I thought it might be good for me to go on a date last night, but all it did was make me feel more in love with him. I’m crying right now because what you said is so true. On the date all I could think of was how a month ago yesterday was the last time I was with him & how even though we were at the table together, we felt like that was too far away, like we missed each other & held hands at the table. I missed him so much. I even felt gross to even be around another guy. There’s no way I can go on another date anytime soon. It made it worse 😢 I went from feeling a bit better & trying to pick myself up to now I feel like a mess
Kathy
Ashley, I hear you… I had a date last nite too after realizing that I need to date other people too. It’s not easy.. My situation is not quite the same as your’s, but still..
You can’t help but compare, we’re human.. And basically we’re sitting across the table trying to make chit chat with a new stranger. I know it’s supposed to be all in the attitude, but it’s not easy.
You’ll need more time.. I, on the other hand, will make myself go out with this new person. There was nothing really ‘wrong’ with him. But will my feelings for him be the same? I can say with 100%, No.
But he does some fun activities I would like to try, so I am going to try. And soon you should probably too.. Try to go on casual dates(when you can) and I think it will help. It will take a long time to get over your friend, but we have to put new people in our life to make it easier to move on. One day we will say “That helped!”
Even though it is hard to do..Fran
Dear Ashley!
A little over a year ago, I found out the person I loved and trusted more than anyone lied to me. This thread isn’t about me, but the long and short of it is: I’d known him for years, he was always–or seemed–so kind and so good. And he came after me and I thought, this is beautiful and then it turns out he was a lying two-face jacka**. I really thought I would never, ever get over it. I was certain he was My Person. I couldn’t stop crying. I was shocked and I felt hopeless. ……And now? ….Okay, if you’d have told me I’d be like, Wow, thank GOD that didn’t work out, thank GOD he broke my heart…..I would have punched you in the face…..But it’s true. Thank GOD it didn’t work out. The way things are now in my life, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. You’ll get him out of your system. It will take some time. Keep yourself busy. Your story isn’t over. It’s just unfolding. But I promise you, one day in the future–not even THAT far in the future at all….you’ll be glad this didn’t work out and you’ll wonder what you even saw in him.
One other thing….Years and years ago, I worked at a fancy schmancy famous place for a famous person. It seemed like a dream come true. Fancy offices in NYC, hobnobbing with beautiful people, just like in the movies. But it was miserable. I worked 60+ hours. I was yelled at, I was exhausted, I was poor, and I thought, I have to make this work. …..NO I didn’t. I ended up getting a job at a nonprofit….not as fancy, but I worked for a good man, and never once—not once!—did I dread going into work, or feel underappreciated or undervalued. The right guy–and job–often surprise us. It’s often not who or what we expect.
Ashley
Kathy, I hope your dating goes well.
Ashley
Fran, Thank you for sharing, I am so so sorry that happened to you. And I am happy that everything worked out so well now! I know things happen for a reason & that ultimately everything works out as it should. Hopefully with every passing day things click for me & I learn more.
Ashley
I was weak & super hormonal earlier & just read all of this again to get back on the right track. I have to keep doing that, kind of like I’m studying for a test. I can make alot of progress but then I tend to go backwards (I’m like that with diets too lol) one thing at least I’ve made lasting progress on is not posting on stupid Snapchat. I’m not going to until a week from now
Haley
Two blogs that saved me: Post Male Syndrome and Baggage Reclaim.co/uk
My heart goes out to you! I’ve been avoided by someone I work with. He uses different lunch rooms and bathrooms and parks in a different spot now. I hear from him once every 3 months, then he is gone again. It’s so painful. Hang in there, know you will find a real man someday, not some cowardly boy who runs and hides from the reality of what he is doing. It amazes me how these “men” can treat women this way.
redcurleysue
I am sorry you are hurting.
Two things to think about.
First, millions of people have gone through this and survived, some have even thrived with a new love. You are not alone by a long shot. Take comfort in that.
Second, try to remember who you were before you got involved with this man. You will be that woman again, but even stronger and smarter.
It will take time but the sun will rise again and you will be free of heartache.
Thinking of you, keep us posted.
Ashley
Haley, aww I’m sorry that you got treated like that, ridiculous that he goes to such extremes! Yeah when a guy has to “avoid” it IS pathetic.
Recurleysue, Thank you. Yeah I tell myself the same, that I’ve been through this before & I tell myself there are women going through far far worse. It just takes my heart a long time to catch up to my head
Ashley
Today once I started my day, I’m doing way way better thankfully. Right now I feel good/happy. I hope it lasts
My best male friend is going to come spend time with me twice this week so that will be good for me, he is such a wonderful friend.
Anyway today I told myself this saying that I made & I’ll share incase it helps anyone else:
If it wasn’t what you thought,
You didn’t lose what you thought.Flower
I think to empower yourself you need to admit your part of responsibility in this..you need to take a player for what he is, a toy, if you want it get involved, and nothing else. Play with it, but don’t get attached, enjoy it, while it’s there, and when it’s not, oh well! No real loss. It was a toy. Unfortunately, world is full of players and we do need to protect ourselves if we want to get in the game.
Ashley
Flower, well I did take responsibility for my shortcomings but I never considered him a player, at all. He never did anything wrong or went MIA til 9 months in. I never even considered the thought of him being a player…just someone with alot of friends. If I knew he was a player, I wouldn’t be surprised & I wouldn’t have thought so highly of him. I always knew he had a good amount of female friends but I have mostly male friends so I never thought that was a bad thing. It is only because of Snapchat that I saw him looking like a jerk
Phillygirl
Ashley. People rarely change. The veil just comes off. I would be willing to bet you missed or ignored numerous signs of who this guy was and pushed it aside in your mind.
I think that is what flower is saying. No way he went from Mr. Wonderful to douchebag overnight.
There were tells, behaviors and signs you either missed or did not sit up and pay attention to.
Really consider this, because this is where you learn how to choose better going forward
Ashley
Phillygirl, oh for sure. My mistakes of not realizing things though, I’d think well maybe this or maybe that…just never thought player.
Phillygirl
Well then that is exactly what you need to review
redcurleysue
I am glad you have male friends who can give you male insight.
Ask your male friend what he thinks this guy is doing…it might help all of us.
Ashley
Redcurleysue, I texted the whole situation to 3 of my guy friends & they didn’t say much. My best one said “I can’t imagine what’s going on with him! He is either too aloof to care or too into himself to have common decency. He is clearly undeserving. It’s his loss, you’re an amazing woman and if he wants to ignore you in favor of roof tramps then to hell with him!
The second said it’s that he doesn’t want commitment & most likely wants to bounce from girl to girl
And the other guy friend said “I would just forget about it to be honest. It doesn’t seem like he cares. You’re way too pretty to be flustered about that”
Ashley
I was just hanging out with my friend & told her I want to get angry. That’s honestly the healthiest thing for me in these situations, to be angry & done instead of sad because that’s when I’m vulnerable/weak. She said “be careful what you wish for, look at snapchat” he had just posted an elaborate spread of fancy food on his table, 2 glasses of champagne, & a blonde girl sitting next to him waving at the camera. The next was a video of her sitting on the back of his couch, she said don’t make me laugh. He said why not. She said because I’m gonna choke on my food. Then she walked toward him/the table. It gave me this overwhelming feeling, that was the state that broke the camel’s back. I finally saw what I needed to see to truly get it through my head. I got the vibe they are more than just friends, like I could definitely see them having sex tonight. That Snapchat is what truly did it for me. As disgusted as I am, I’m grateful. I got what I asked for. I wanted clarity & I got it. She told me he reeled me in, got me, then it’s on to the next girl & she was absolutely correct. Normally I’d be crying but this wave of calm came over me. I feel RELIEF. I feel relief. And I promptly deleted my Snapchat account.
redcurleysue
Yep, it is what we always say…watch a man’s actions….it tells the whole story.
While the snapchat had to hurt it was also revealing and you got the closure you needed. You will remember these images the next time he knocks on your door (and I bet he will). Your relief is also a sign of detachment on your end to him. A sense of freedom from the pain of not knowing what is going on. Now you know, now you can deal.
By the way…all this has nothing to do with you…it is him, all him.
If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck…it is a duck.
Honeypie
youve gotten great advise and support, and now you know unquestionably what this man really is.
He may contact you again, he may not. BUT actually he hasn’t dumped you… he has ignored you. Now you dump him. In your mind you are walking away, not him, because his record is to contact again. That doesn’t make you dumped it makes you shelved/ignored.
You are therefore the dumper- this very moment. He doesn’t have to know that, that she for you to know. YOU know YOU are now done. End of.
No more contact or reaching to him. Thank god you didn’t send more messages or ultimatums etc.
The reason you haven’t been able to make sense of it is because you are normal and decent, and he is not. No further analysis I said required there.
If he comes a knocking, please, I think I speak for us all, tell him haha! Goodbye.
Ashley
Redcurleysue, Thank you, yes exactly when I am wondering that’s the worst spot for me to be in, then as soon as I see the truth right in front of me, there is a freedom!!! It’s like the saying the truth hurts but then it works.
Ashley
Honeypie, Thank you, that is what I feel like, a sort of quiet dignity that I know what the deal is & I removed myself from the situation! Today is one week of no contact on my end, I’m so glad I didn’t make any more attempts! It felt good to deactivate Snapchat to say I am not looking at this toxic torture anymore, not letting him hurt me in that way again
Flower
What I meant is that in my book, a guy who ghosted once, especially giving a lame excuse on his ‘return’ is a toy, if I want to play this game that is..not to be taken seriously at all, maybe spend some time, if he a fun, but I learnt along the way to keep my emotions under control, and not to get ahead of myself too much too soon. He showed you who he is, sure, hen made you like the time uiu spent with him, so gen hasn’t the upper hand, but that was all, as we know now, a part of a scheme, yeah, love is a game:) What I’m saying is that he is not taking you seriously after you let him in your life so quick when he showed up again. What happened is you were too excited to see him back, you thought he came back for you, while he came for what you can provide for him, the attention, the ego boost, the good times, but not for you! And so he goes at his liking, after all, he might even return, since you didn’t give him much hard time the first time..and if you don’t, well, he s not attached anyway. So whatever you do, see it for what it is, if he wanted to contact you sooner, he very well had all the technology at his hand to do it! And don’t get attached again;)
Phillygirl
Love is not a game. Dysfunctional relationships are though
If you are going to game play and not be honest and sincere, you are not in any kind of mindset to be dating.
Real love is about respect, admiration, consideration, selflessness, encouragement, healthy boundaries, patience, kindness, and being each other’s best friend and fan.
If you don’t have that- it isn’t love.
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