Ignoring Me

Relationship is spoiled at this point, it would be nearly impossible to turn it around now. The only chance for this to happen is for you to completely break up with him, for several months or more, and then, after he comes back, and only if he comes back, and explicitly asks for you to get back together, restart. And make sure to discuss the terms of getting back together specifically with him. And even in this case, wait and see, as he might start doing the same thing after a few sex sessions.

A person who does this type of thing to another person, and especially to a former friend, is not a good person and he will not be a good husband or a father. One way or another this trait will reveal itself in a negative way later on. It is better to walk away now before the real damage.

The two of you could have discussed this and he could have explained that he prefers things this way for this or that reason and he could have asked you for reciprocation, to which you may have agreed, meet once a week or so and then do not communicate or whatever other arrangement you could have worked out. But the way he is doing it is insulting, nothing less than that.

While you have feelings for him it is hard to let go, but you will be saving yourself from a lot of unnecessary pain and disrespect and mis-care in the future.

Walk away now. Summon your self-esteem, your respect for yourself and walk away. Do not go to his level, meet up with him and tell him that you are ending it because of disrespect. But be firm, make sure you mean it.

Thankyou for your responses, there is no relationship to actually ‘break up’ . We are just friends.

But I think he is immature. I don’t think he knows what he wants with me or anyone as his actions never match his words and his words never match his actions. H is always contradicting whatever he says or does in regard to me and sometimes in the space of just a few days.

It would beniceifhe would justbe normal and basically pick a side. And stay consistent, but time and time again he has been hot and cold, yes andno, come here go away, I want to marry you, we are nothing ….

So I’m not going to do anything . Not going to say we are done, not going to call or text. Not going to do anything.
It’s greatly against my nature as I am a fixer and a doer and not a passive female , but I will try

Hold up, after all this you are still considering seeing him again?
Really?
There is nothing to fix here this man has been claear in his actions that he does not want much from you, yet you would still consider allowing him back in?
I don’t get the point of writing about a man’s bad behavior more than once but, continuing to go back.
The fact that you call him a friend baffles me as well. My friends don’t hurt my feelings time and time again.
I’m really not one to say this but, I think it’s time you work on your self respect and boundaries.
Really take some time to read the responses here because doing nothing and sitting around for him to come back is not a wise choice.

Guys do things like this quite frequently in new relationships. I’m not sure if it’s because they value their freedom or space and want to make sure you’re the type of women who has her own life to live and won’t cling to him or why exactly they do. I’m sure most do this unconsciously. My current bf did this at the beginning of our relationship. We were friends prior too and we started hanging out together spending everyday for a week and then randomly after a week he left, didn’t text or call for a day and left me wondering what he was up to but here’s the thing; I didn’t let it bother me. I assumed he was getting caught up in his emotions and didn’t a little space. I didn’t contact him and when he contacted me the next day I made him wait a little bit before I replied. By doing this I pretty much let him know that yeah I like you and I’m interested in seeing where this goes but if you don’t measure up I have other options and I’m not waiting around on anybody. I never messaged him back that day and guess what, he just showed up at my house. I think it floored him that I didn’t freak out on him and I just did my own thing. That’s what a lot of the articles on a new mode talk about is respecting yourself and then others respect you. This concept had changed my life and I now know that I’ll be okay whether I have a man or not and by thinking this way men are all over it… When he does things like this don’t let it bother you and do your own thing .

Alexi, I think your situation is totally different from hers. She’s posted before and this is a continuous cycle.

Good Dancer,
You keep hoping he will change and letting him do this to you. This is very frustrating to read, especially since this is at least your second post about this situation. You’re letting him. Everyone is telling you what to do. I think you’re merely on here to vent and not seeking advice. Or for us to validate that you should continue to stick this out. Good luck with all this mess.

The first paragraph is a typo . I meant to say just because I have posted more than once doesn’t mean I don’t want it to stop

Spontaneous was an auto correct

Sounds to me that your cup is not full with this man and when he does come back you’ll be back with the same story.Since you won’t just end things it leads me to believe that you are hoping he will come back and smooth things over a bit.
The choice is yours to either take heed to the advice given or learn a lesson.
I suppose you will go with the ladder.
Those people that are no longer in your life are out for a reason.

Yanzy

Thankyou we have been friends nearly 3 years and he also knows about the last couple of douchebags I’ve been with and he once got mad at me earlier this year before we started having sex, that I should be with him and stop wasting time with losers, and how he is a NICE guy…..

I’ve told him it’s “over” before but it’s never stuck, so he probably won’t even believe me, so that’s why I think just disappearing and not replying to texts will be more effective. If like you say I will know his true feelings once I end it, I’m more likely to find that out if he can’t get a response from me. It’s just the way he works. If I said hey I’m done it’s over, and sent a text saying that, he wouldn’t believe it. It’s easier for me emotionally to just disappear rather than making announcements that I AM disappearing from his life

I truly hope you do because you’ll keep getting mistreated if you don’t.
The thing about all this is you may not be serious about moving forward but, one day he may actually start being serious with another woman.
Do you really want to stick around and see that happen?
I see way too much credit be given to a guy you call a friend, with a friend like that who needs enemies?

JJ

The thing that’s hard for me about making an it’s over announcement is that prior to March this year (sex) we were the best of friends and I never would have imagined him acting like this . If you had asked me what I thought of him I would have said he’s the nicest guy I’ve ever met. There’s 3 years of platonic friendship behind it where there were no issues

You’re making excuses for him. I doubt you would tolerate that behaviour from one of your girlfriends. Friendships can and do end.

I don’t see the appeal on ambivalent guys…guys who aren’t only “kinda there” but not really there, or who only show you attention when he wants something (sex) and then forgets your existence afterwards. Is that what you want? Someone who only gives you a half assed effort? Why do so many women fight to keep these kinds of guys around instead of kicking them to the curb? You’re right, you don’t have to text him and tell him you’re done. Just pull a permenant Houdini act and delete his number. Hell, block it if you have to. Stop accepting this vague behavior. Believe and know that you deserve better.

When I decided to move on from my ex, my friend admitted that he had feelings for me since last December. He’s my boyfriend now and I couldn’t be happier. The point is, you need to let this “friend” (and I use that term very loosely) go and find people that will cherish you.