I'm being an idiot and need someone to talk sense to me please!!

I know where I’ve gone wrong here and I know I’m far too invested after just three weeks so really I’m just seeking validation and support.

I met this guy three weeks ago and the interactions between us became sexual very quickly so much so that the tension between us in person led to some really dumb impulsive behaviour that I’m embarrassed to admit to – but i can’t ask for advice without being honest so basically he ended up paying hundreds of pounds for a hotel room that we were in for a few hours. The sex was amazing. I should say we both have impulse control issues as we both have adhd. He is medicated and i usually manage my impulsive behaviour well but not on this occasion.

He messaged me the next day with a very intense and emotional message about how much he likes me and that his feelings are scaring him but in a good way. My response was calm – let’s just take it easy as we barely know each other. But of course i was actually flattered and taken in by his words.

We arranged another proper date and it was all good. We then had a home date, another proper date and then a brunch date at mine on Friday morning. He had had a crazy working week and only 3 hours sleep but he didn’t cancel on me- i would have rearranged had it been me. He was clearly exhausted. He asked me to be exclusive sexually before he left on Friday, because he said he has no desire to be with anyone else whilst we are exploring getting to know each other. I said yes to that and that i felt we had moved very quickly and missed some steps. He agreed and when he left it seemed all was good.

Yesterday was his birthday so i text and said happy birthday and he responded immediately. I replied quite a bit later as was working. He didn’t reply. I text again much later that evening – nothing big or intense and i suppose there wasn’t a question in it so no response was really necessary. I knew he was busy and had plans so wasn’t concerned.

However, he has not read either message, has not text me today and I can see he has been online alot – but just not read my messages. I don’t usually get so hung up on texts because I’ve finally learnt that they don’t have the meaning women often attach to them. But today I’ve fallen back into that ridiculous anxious paranoia of looking if he is online and feeling upset he hasn’t messaged me at all today.

Some context to texting with him- he either replies really quickly or doesn’t at all, but he usually initiates texts in the morning rather than me. The birthday text was the first i initiated. Last week there were times i messaged him back and he didn’t reply, only to initiate the next morning with no reference to my last message. When we saw each other Friday he said he was sorry for not replying to texts at times and that he felt he had neglected me but wanted me to know that when he is focused on one thing he can’t think or process anything else. This is an adhd trait I’m familiar with so my rational brain had meant i wasn’t bothered last week when he didn’t reply etc.

I seem to be struggling with my rational brain today though! I know its only one day that we haven’t spoken and in the scheme of a very new relationship with someone where we barely know each other this should not be a big deal but i feel so anxious about it all and I’m catastrophsing … in my mind he doesn’t like me because we had sex too soon, its just sex to him, he is going to ghost me, he doesn’t care about me, he is with his ex, he is actually married… etc etc ad infinitum.

I know this is ridiculous. I know its way too soon to even consider myself as a priority in his life but i can’t seem to stop thinking about him not messaging me so far today. I have no intention of messaging him, I can exercise enough self control to not actually show him I’m currently acting like a stage 5 clinger…he will have new clue that i am feeling so needy as I’ve never been like that towards him, so I’m just waiting it out to see if my gut feeling of him having lost interest is true or if I’m just being dramatic.

I should add I’m really quite unwell with flu atm so maybe that is part of my ridiculous response! I just want to stop feeling so weird and obsessive as it feels i am because i know it makes no sense at! Please talk some sense into me!!