I met my (now) ex 10 years ago, during our undergrad. He was sweet and dorky and kinda cute. We became fast friends, along with all of the other guys in his frat, but I was closer to him than any of the other guys. We dated for about 3 months, but I was only 20 and I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. I was still dating other people and he finally said that if I couldn’t be with just him, that he couldn’t be with me at all. Therefore, he ended it because I did’t want to stop dating other guys. He was furious with me and didn’t talk to me for about a year.
Finally, we ended up hanging out because a mutual friend invited us both to an event. We started talking and became friends again. He admitted (many, many times) over the next 8 years that he still wanted to be with me and that he wouldn’t treat me like all of the jerks I dated.
Fast forward again, he ends up dating some girl (I would say his first actual relationship) and she cheats on him after only 3 months. They have everything in common and now he’s heart-broken. He takes the ugly, cheating B back and ends up breaking it off after about 11 months because they couldn’t get along and he never learned to trust her again. BUT in the meantime, I had actually developed a little jealousy of this girl because she was with a guy who would always be faithful and treat her better than anyone ever would… And I finally realized that maybe I did want to be with him after all these years.
It was only about 2 weeks after they broke up and he was still in a bad place, so I wasn’t going to say anything or push anything when he came to me to cry on my shoulder and ask for advice. I was actually dating 3 pretty great guys at the time because I knew he wasn’t ready to date me yet. He even told me that he wasn’t ready for another relationship, but he thought that he might want to start dating again (in general, not me because he didn’t know I liked him yet). Soon thereafter, we started making out every time we would drink. Then it turned into making out and a little more when we weren’t even drinking, just every time we hung out. This transpired over about a month’s time. Then, he finally asked me out. For real. On Valentine’s Day… I actually asked him “Like, a date date? Or a friend date?” because I wasn’t sure if he was ready for something more. I, of course accepted. Then, we grew ever closer VERY quickly. The problem was, he had to travel for work for 2 months only 1.5 months into our relationship. Everything was perfect before he left and it was just okay while he was gone because we missed each other so much. It was just hard. Then, after waiting for him for 2 months, we had 2 amazing days together before I had to go back to work. But then… after only 4 days of being back, it happened… He BROKE UP WITH ME!!! He gave me some lame excuse about me liking the city I live in and he likes the city he lives in, so neither of us want to move. He also said that he’s gone back and forth about wanting kids over the past few years and doesn’t know if he wants kids. Um, really, dude!!! He’s KNOWN I want kids for over 10 years now, but he just now decides that we shouldn’t be together?!
I don’t know what to think… He broke up with me over the phone and it’s been 2 weeks now and he still hasn’t contacted me. It’s always hard losing a BF, but it’s a million times harder to lose a best friend… At the end of the break-up convo, he told me that he was scared that maybe “in a day, a week, or maybe a month, [he] might just realize [he] was scared and running away from commitment.”
I’m so confused… Everything was perfect, and now I keep wondering what I did wrong or what I did to deserve this. He wanted to be with me for almost 10 years and now that we’re together and everything is perfect, he breaks up with me?! Please help me… I want him back and I’m not sure what to do. I feel like if I chase him, it will just push him away, but if I do nothing, I may never see/hear/talk to him again.
Oh yeah, and he said he wanted to “be friends,” but he would “give [me] space if it was too hard for [me].”
Please help…
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