Im extremely bitter and filled with anger

No offense, but…
You need to develop a better ‘picker’

I bet you’re settling for these clowns, right?

I think the first step should be breaking up with your current partner. I don’t think anyone will hate you because you called this woman ‘ugly’… this doesn’t make you a horrible person, this is a natural reaction. But you’re remaining in a situation that is triggering it. It sounds like your partner can’t own what he did – since his reply was ‘wtf is wrong with you?’ duh… what does he think it is, maybe something to do with how he treats you? and since he always defends her. it doesn’t take that much sensitivity to understand what cheating does to someone. and I get it that you were on a break, so technically this was not cheating, but come on with this bs. also, with your history, naturally this will be even more painful. I think it’s great that you’re in therapy because obviously there is some bad pattern with your relationships. And anger is sooo difficult to deal with… it will take time. running helps or any other physical activity. but first, free yourself of the toxic relationship that you’re now in, it’s definitely not helping.

Perhaps you don’t know what it is like to live drama free.

Maybe you are so accustomed to arguing and blaming and complaining and feeling used and feeling sorry for yourself that you don’t know any other way.

I have never had a harsh word with any family member. I automatically avoid drama.

Think about how to live a drama free life.

You don’t want to be one of those old ladies who can’t get along with anyone because of your constant gossiping, complaining and fault finding.

I noticed your complaints are about how others treat you. Maybe you are an unpleasant and unwise person.

Do you get along with others?

I think you are very self-reflective and that’s a huge step towards making positive change. The first step to being able to change is recognizing the problem. You are to be commended for recognizing your negative behavior and owning it.

I think you’ve received some good advice here so far. I agree that putting romantic relationships on the back burner for now is a good idea. You’re not going to attract men who are healthy, if you are unhealthy. And you don’t need a man to be happy, it really is true. You have to be happy on your own.

A good step forward would be to take control of your life. Develop better habits, care for yourself, exercise (honestly regular exercise has helped me so much). Pursue things you love as hobbies, whatever it may be. Just try different things, see what you’re passionate about. Focus on yourself. Don’t worry about seeking external validation. Do things for yourself. Don’t compare yourself. Once you’re able to find some semblance of internal peace, you won’t be angry and hating on others all the time. Easier said than done, I know.

It’s great that you’re in therapy. Do you feel you’ve made progress after 2 years? It doesn’t sound like it, if your rage continues to grow. Maybe consider finding a different therapist? I know it’s really important to have a good relationship and connection with a therapist in order to make progress. If you feel you’re moving forward, great. If not, maybe think about what needs to change in order for your therapy to be as healing as possible.

I wish you the best of luck!

Re: what Kaye said about volunteering, yeah, I was actually going to suggest that too. Volunteering is a great way to do something unselfish and can really change your perspective. Just find something you’re passionate about. Whether it’s working with kids, or animals, or senior citizens, or the homeless. Or, volunteering for things like park cleanups in your town. Or organizing food drives for the local food pantry. It can be pretty much anything. The most important part is that it brings meaning to YOUR life. Be honest with yourself. If you hate kids, don’t volunteer with kids. If you’re afraid of dogs, don’t volunteer at an animal shelter. It’s OK. Just find something that’s a good fit for you personally.

The plus side of that is that you meet other people who are unselfish and generally speaking, have a positive vibe. And the vibe is infectious. It’s hard to hate humanity when you’re doing good things, with good people. As corny as this sounds, it’s absolutely true.

“It’s hard to hate humanity when you’re doing good things, with good people. As corny as this sounds, it’s absolutely true.”

Liz you are so right!! When you are actually around people who care, are making a difference and not even getting paid for it you realize the world is not such a bad place after all!!