I'm into my best male friend and he got a girlfriend

As the girlfriend of a guy with a close female friend- I wish you would be able to understand. This friend of his has interfered with every girl he has tried to date since he’s been divorced and he is 20 years older than her- 15 years older than me. It has upset me when I feel he prioritizes her over me when we were first together, but he’s said if I wanted to be with her I would. As our relationship progressed, he did contact her less and less but she will still contact him- he just established boundaries. We have been together for over 3 years.

Anon, what exactly do you want me to do?

He has been contacting me weekly since they got together. You want me to start ignoring him, blocking him? It’s his relationship and his responsibility. I have been backing off and giving them space, been super respectful towards her even though I’ve known him for just as long as she has. I have realized that I am second priority, and we don’t talk every day now, more like every week.

If he wants me in his life, and I feel the same, I won’t deny him that out of respect for a girlfriend that I don’t even know. He is not the unfaithful type and neither am I. Just be content with that and stop judging me just because you wish all your boyfriend’s friends to vanish from his life because he comitted to you. Maybe he is a better person with friends in his life, and a happier person? Cut him some slack.

Yeah, and he calling me from his girlfriend’s place is the ultimate friend zoning isn’t it? It’s not like I don’t get it.

I don’t see where anyone is beating you up. We may be telling you things you don’t like hearing, but everyone has been respectful as far as I can see.

And I suggested that you shouldn’t be bitter not for his sake, but for your own.

You have nothing to be humiliated about so I’m sorry you feel that way. Relationships and love always involve an element of risk. You won’t always have feelings reciprocated.

I really like what Maddie wrote about seeking therapy and examining your own emotional availability. I hope you re-read what she wrote and take it to heart.

My pride is completely crushed, I am defeated and humiliated by the whole situation.

– i am sorry you feel the above. but what i don’t get is why??? lets cut the chase. you guys met, interacted, had a spark and thought over whether you two could have a relationship. but the geographical distance made it difficult. he wasn’t ready to move and neither were you. so that’s that. but since you guys connected well, he stayed on in your life as a friend. he could have beat himself up over the fact that you didn’t want to move to a new place for him, despite being soul mates. but he didn’t. he simply evaluated the situation and decided that he can’t do long distance relationships. but since you guys got along well, he didn’t want to cut off contact with you completely. so stayed on as a friend.

the woman he has met now. you dont know and neither do we whether what he feels for her. maybe what he feels for her is the real thing maybe not. noone knows.

i am not sure why you feel people are beating you up here. infact all of us have taken the time and tried to explain the situation. and i agree with Liz.