'Im looking for something casual'

I don’t agree…

LOT of people will say “Oh im just looking for casual” as a way of letting their date down and to not raise any expectation. They know from that moment that the person they are dating is not a LTR material…

But the minute they meet a very cool person, they will have another dialogue and will say they are looking for a meaningful relationship…

I believe this is like this 95% of the time, rest is the exeption to the rule.

I’m going to take the devils advocate approach here and say that “I want something casual” isn’t necessarily a deal breaker without knowing the ‘context’ of what it means to *each man* because not all of them define it the same way. This where digging down, and asking the right questions is critical to weed out the sex only guys to the I don’t want to feel pressured into anything I don’t want with *you* guys.

The problem with dating, especially for women is they are myopically focused on one goal…”a relationship.” The problem with this myopic mindset is it sets you up for failure, out of the gate, because you’re not properly vetting the guy, and are more apt to go into it with the hormonal rush (infatuation), and by doing so, you can’t properly vet a man because your ‘guydar’ is broken. The moment the lady feels him pull away, she goes into *chase mode* which can scare even good men off! Instead of letting them flit away, on their own, she does the opposite, refuses to let him go, and tries to SEX HIM into a relationship with will backfire 99% of the time when taking this dating strategy.

The problem is men don’t want to feel the pressure women are known for in dating. So they use a term that essentially tells a lady LISTEN: “I’m a single man who is talking, dating, seeing, and yes, having sex with other ladies. I want the ability to retain my freedom to do this, and pick the lady I want to be with, when I find that lady without feeling coerced, forced or pressured into a relationship, I don’t want, with someone I don’t that with.”

I’ve “casually dated” since the 80’s. To me it meant, “I like you enough to spend some time getting to know you BUT I’m getting to know other guy’s too, and I might like one better so I’m just going to hang out with you (non romantically/without sex) for a bit to get a good feel for you first before *I* make a decision to continue seeing you or not” if they keep asking of course. By dating this way, you can quickly weed out the players, the rebounder’s; those who are mildly interested/not interested, just playing the field, cheaters, etc.; and only focus on those who are putting in a high level of effort; possess the best character traits (honesty, trustworthy, respectful, loyal, career focused/goal orientated, fun, interesting, smart, caring, etc.); and who you mesh the best with in major areas such as communication, beliefs, goals, dealing with issues/problems, etc. because you really want to develop the “best team” when seeking a long-term (key word) partner.

Having this dating mindset helped me to avoid getting stuck with losers, by learning what questions to ask (soft and hard), and signs to look for, to know which guy’s to stay away from or drop like a hot skillet, such as the one’s I listed above because I knew there were better quality guy’s out there, set my dating standards higher, where I wasn’t going to fall for Mr. Smooth Talker but Mr. Great Guy who’s ALL IN. I would rather be single than with a crappy guy or in a crappy relationship!