Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › I’m not relationship material
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 4 years, 11 months ago by
Colleen.
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Kat
This is the 4th guy who doesn’t want anything serious. He took me out on a date , said we could take it slow no rush and something may come of it . Then said let’s me friends I’m too much ( I made it clear I didn’t want casual ) , he doesn’t want anything .He only wanted me for the chance of sex. Can I get out of this rut ? I feel low and I’m starting to hate men .
I’m so depressed .Kalyn
Where are you meeting people? When I was single and ready for a relationship, I only chose to meet men who said something about looking for a relationship or long term dating in their profiles. I know some of the apps don’t have a lot of options but some of them, and some of the dating sites, let people specify their preferred relationship type. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t men who want a relationship but don’t say that. It just might narrow your search down to what you’re looking for if you look for that.
Outside of that, there’s a difference between talking about what you ultimately want in the first few dates and implying that you want a relationship with the man you’re on a first or second date with, that might freak them out because you’re just getting to know each other. But yes…there are definitely men out there who will be vague about whether or not they want a relationship because they’re hoping you’ll have sex with them.
Don’t give up. Just try to get a little more savvy about how you choose dates and be careful about how you communicate what you’d ultimately like to have.
Raven
4 guys do not make you a loser…
Andrea
Men have been spoiled by women who offer FWB arrangements.
K
You put yourself in this rut by placing too much significance on what others do and say. Good news – that means you can get yourself out of it.
Think of it this way. Let’s say you meet a guy who tells you he’d find you really attractive if you’d walk down Wall Street naked or even better yet, if you jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge. Would you do it? I would hope anyone’s answer would be hell no. Because if you did it… whose fault would be it? Hint: not his.
What other people say and do or don’t say or don’t do has nothing to do with your worth or your status as relationships material. So stop giving away your power by letting people call the shots on how you feel. That’s 100% in your control.
Are you having these bad experiences with online dating? If so, I would stop for a while and do real life activities that you enjoy where you’re meeting others with no pressure. Online dating is a zoo and it can be soul-destroying if you allow it.
Four crap dates doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or men suck. Not by a long shot. You need a big old time out and a new attitude before you go out dating again. Or you’ll keep getting the same thing and worse. Chin up. Take a break from dating for a few and show yourself some kindness and care. And when these clowns come around, just laugh and keep going.
redcurleysue
Love does not come on every bus. You may have to date over and over to find true love. It is not you – love is rare and finding it takes lots of time and dates. When you do finally find it hold on with both hands…until then keep dating and do not get discouraged…every date is a learning experience.
mama
It’s okay honey!!!
First question: Are you doing online dating? If so, men tend to think they have a smorgasbord of women to choose from (until they don’t). So if you are online dating, PLEASE don’t think you are the “problem” here. There have been studies about this very thing! Some guys who are online dating think they find something great in you but won’t commit because they believe they will find the next best thing after you and it has NOTHING to do with you. It’s part of the problem with online dating and too much data. (I digress….)
There was a study about this “smorgasbord” concept of dating and how men easily buy into it. Maybe that’s why online dating has taken off so well? (Different post for another time.)
The bottom line is that THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! Like “redcurleysue” says, love does NOT come on every bus. The posters above have given you AMAZING advice. Please listen to them.
Vega
You’re not too much. You’re worth it. He doesn’t see that so lucky you! You dodged a bullet.
Online dating is superficial dating and you have to sell yourself to match some fantasy he conjured up in his head.
Stop being so hard on yourself.
Colleen
Are you in college? I suggest working on your education.
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