I'm Not Sure if He'll Ever Be My Person

Sorry about length, this story takes place over the course of 9 months. I met this guy via OLD back in March 2022. We quickly started seeing each other 3-4 times a week and it was going really well. However, neither of us brought up the DTR convo or wanted to (to my knowledge). He differs from me politically somewhat and I still wasn’t over my ex. We kept seeing each other for a few months and it felt more serious than it was. I met all of his friends and spent a ton of time with him. His family lives across the country so I haven’t met them but they know about me. I’ve said hi to his dad on the phone and he called me by name without me telling him who I was.

Over the summer, he started to pull away for the first time. He said he couldn’t be in a relationship, even if it was only sexual, because of a new mental health diagnosis and he “just needs to figure himself out.” Now I know that his ex girlfriend had contacted him and they were trying to rekindle the relationship. They dated for 5 years before he met me, and we were never official, so I understood why he would take this seriously and want to work things out with her. I don’t blame him for not telling me the real reason why because I know he was just trying to spare my feelings.

After a few weeks, maybe a month, one of us reached out to the other (I forget who) and we tried to hang out as friends. I learned that it didn’t work out with his ex. We started seeing each other romantically again, and even went on a trip together in September (just a 5 hour or so road trip to visit some friends over the weekend). It went well, but I started to develop stronger feelings. I knew he had just been communicating with his ex not too long ago and decided to break it off the day we got back from the trip. We didn’t fight, I just cried a little bit and left. Before long, I unblocked him on Instagram because I started to feel better and had felt bad blocking him. I wasn’t overly invested and thought it would be okay to be friends. It really didn’t hurt that much this time around, I was genuinely okay.

He started reaching out, sending me reels and memes. We hung out again, with the intention of keeping it casual, but before long we were admitting that we had serious feelings for each other. We even discussed a relationship, he was thinking about eventually moving in together once my lease was up, but I wasn’t ready for such a commitment so things fell through. I wanted a relationship, but he took that word MUCH more seriously than me. I just wanted to be exclusive. He wanted a whole future. Before long he was telling me, “I don’t think you want what I want. You’re not taking it as seriously. This doesn’t feel right.”

We ended up going on a trip to Florida for a week. It was fine, I was a little emotional at times because I thought that he didn’t want to really be with me. He consistently told me he had feelings for me, and that he wouldn’t have gone on such a big trip if he didn’t. He told me that he thought we have a future together, even if we’re not officially together right now. I didn’t believe him. This was essentially an extended situationship to me and I had no expectations of it leading anywhere. I broke up with him AGAIN the day after we got back from Florida.

He was upset this time, and so was I. My mental health took a nose dive. I let him back in when he started contacting me again. I know I shouldn’t have, but I felt so weak at the time and I missed him so much that I allowed it to happen against my better judgement. We’re still seeing each other to this day, now in December. I have blown up at him a few times (blown up is a strong term, but I was upset) because of his mixed signals. He tells me he shows pictures of us to his family, asked me to a family funeral, jokes about me changing my name to his, etc. I resented him for all of these things. However, we had an honest conversation where he explained to me that over the last 10 years he’s been basing his major life choices on the women he’s been in relationships with. Almost stayed in the marine corps for one girl, and stayed in an unhealthy relationship with another for 5 years while she didn’t want the same things as him. He thinks he may want to move away to be closer geographically to friends and family. He’s not sure he wants to stay here on the East Coast. He said if he did stay, I would be the biggest reason, and he doesn’t want to make this decision based on me, rather he wants to take care of himself first. I understood and empathized with him, and have mostly accepted that we wont be in an official relationship until he knows he wants to stay here in our state. We said we’d reconvene and discuss on February 1st. He emphasizes all of the reasons why he thinks we’re a good fit and why he wants me to be in his life. He says all of the right things when it comes to our compatibility and his feelings for me.

My question is, based on the above information, is there a chance that this will work out? Should I wait for him to make his choice?

TL;DR My boyfriend of 9 months who is not officially my boyfriend might move away and doesn’t want to “be official.” He seems to care a great deal about me, but we’ve been on and off and I don’t know whether or not to wait for him. What should I do?