Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › I'm pretty sure that I've just caught my boyfriend cheating
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Numb.
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Numb
Last night, I left my boyfriend a flirty message to give him something to dream about. I thought that I was going to wake up to something sweet or fun instead I received this:
“This is his fiance. Do not text him anymore.”
I wasn’t sure if this were my boyfriend playing a joke or what, so I called. I didn’t receive an answer. Instead, I received another text that said “What do you want? Why are you texting my fiance?”
I was going to stop by his house on the way to work but found that he wasn’t there. Once I was settled, I texted back “Can you just call me? Trust me I am not the disrespecting type. I am as confused as you probably are.”
She called and we spoke. It consisted of me asking her a lot of questions. These are her replies:
She said they were at her house which is in another city. She was downstairs and he was upstairs in bed. She said they had been dating for about 5 months but were engaged last month. She said that a lot of women text him. She said she was not about to deal with BS and lies. She said that she talks to his mom on the phone all the time and goes to the house often.
I told her that my god daughter is his niece. That I have co parent my god daugther and that if she is with him – I have to contact him.
She wanted to know what was going on with me and him, if we were sleeping together. I told her that I was sorry for asking so many questions because I wasn’t willing to share as much because it would have a big mess going with a lot of people. Especially with kids involved. She said that she understood. I told her that he could have very easily told me that I was being disrespectful.
I asked her if she would put me on speaker to wake him and that everything would come out then. She said that she had to go and would call me back.
At this time, I feel like I should be done with him. My question is – Do you think I should even bother with his side of it? I also wanted to call his best friend to see if she knows who this person is and what is going on. Is that a good idea? I called his mom where he supposed to live and she said he wasn’t there and asked if I wanted to leave a message. she gave me his cell
Jj
I don’t understand. Is he your boyfriend of is he the uncle of your God daughter or both. Was it clear he was your boyfriend? Why did his mom give you his cell – didn’t you already have his number?
Numb
He’s my god daugther’s uncle and he is my boyfriend.
I have never heard of the woman that I spoke to until today so I’m sure she hadn’t heard of me.
When I called his mom, I was going to attempt to get the truth out of her. However, when she answered I felt like it was wrong to get her involved in something that is nothing less than nonsense. She asked if she could take a message for me and I told her sure. Once I gave her the message she asked if I had his cell phone number and I told her that I didn’t have it with me. That’s when she gave me the cell number. I don’t know why I did that but I didn’t want to talk to her about it anymore.
Numb
I went to the house of one of his friends that he recently introduced me to. I told her about someone calling me and asked her who it was. She didn’t fully understand the context of my approach. Either she was playing me or she really thought I was pursuing my boyfriend and was now worried that he was in a serious relationship. She told me to not worry about the woman. She said the woman is just a number on the list of women that he is currently sleeping with. She said the woman needed to realize that he wasn’t going to stop sleeping with me or any of the other women that he was sleeping with. She kept on about how he even has a child on the way.
I was done with my boyfriend by that point. I eventually told him to make sure that the woman or no one else ever contacted me again. He apologized and said that no one would call me again. I asked if that was all he really had to say after what the woman said. He claimed to not know what she had said, so I told him. He said that he had hung out with her as a friend and that he forgot his phone. He let his phone stay there because he had to be at work and when he picked up his phone he had several messages from people that the woman had contacted. He said he wasn’t dating her and that he ended their friendship over her being childish.
I haven’t asked him bout what his friend said. This is hard.
Stefanie
STOP Numb. Stop right there. You have enough information to know you are done. Don’t continue playing Nancy Drew, you are only going to get hurt more. There is nothing to understand. Guy isn’t worth the salt in your tears. So sorry. Hugs.
Khadija
Numb,
I’m sorry that this has happened to you.
The betrayal must really be eating you up.
However, you’ve gotten all the information you need to move on.
Please let this man go, he is not worth anymore energy.
An explaination will not change what’s happened and to be honest, this is how many women get sucked back in with cheaters. They get some half ass explaination, broken promises, and a false sense of security.
He will continue with his wild ways.
You deserve way better than this and to really hit home, think about your health.
Go get checked out.I’m sure you don’t want to catch some STD from this guy.Numb
Update: I was planning to break up with him in person. Only thing is that he would not answer his phone. He replied to my texts but wouldnt agree to meet me or talk on the phone. I am guessing his friend told him what I did and he will not face me. He actually told me that i was playing games because i wouldnt text whatever it was that i needed to tell him. To me that was the end.
I have an appointment for STD screening
fairycake
If he doesn’t agree to meet you or talk on the phone then he is letting you know he isn’t your boyfriend. As to saying you are playing games – he is calling you out on needing to yell at him in person. He wants to avoid a scene and he can tell you’re about to tell him off and want to do the big breakup scene. Text him that you want to want to hear his voice because you’re worried he doesn’t feel the same anymore. If he still avoids you then you have your answer.
Numb
I appreciate that. I already dont consider him my boyfriend anymore. I wanted to look him in the eyes, with no tears and tell him that it is over.
I am moving on and finding closure.
fairycake
send a mini vid – film yourself with your phone and send that
Numb
Thats a good idea but it is too late. I dont want to boost his ego to think i am thinking about him and it.(even though i am)
Numb
I am beating myself up. It really tears me up that someone I knew all my life would do this
fairycake
I can understand – something similar happened to me recently and I think my heart stopped beating for a few seconds :((( How do you mean it’s too late? was there part of you that hoped he was just pulling back because you didn’t believe it when he said the girl was just crazy or are you convinced he could be this much of a dog?
Numb
I believe he is a dog that was in relationships with other women the entire time that we were together. My stomach hurts as I think about how sincere and devoted my love was and he doesnr appear to love back
fairycake
Ugh – that one hurts most of all. You really need to eliminate doubt and get this pain off your chest. I know the idea of not giving him an ego boost and walking away is very popular here but I would be tempted to be calm and text him a question. Say your usual hello and then tell him you wanted to chat on the phone because you feel worried with recent events and needed the sound of his voice to let you know if he wanted to be exclusive with you
Numb
No, what hurts me most of all is that when we first started our friendship i was severely depressed and suicidal. He told me that I was too good of a person to leave this world and he stood by me because of it. He encouraged me to do other things besides going to work and then home. He taught me the importance of having friendship. He helped me to see how valuable I was as an employee. As time passed i loved myself, life and didnt want to die anymore. He became my best friend after that. I planned to have him as a lifelong friend. I cried earlier over losing that friend and thinking all of that make have been a con. It hurt.
fairycake
he sounds decent – something doesn’t seem right to me …is there a chance he just has a lot of female friends and the one that said he is sleeping with lots is just assuming he is a dog? Don’t trust the other women – trust his actions – not his words – his actions ok? I really understand your pain here – it’s chillingly similar to my own story :( Some guys can get off on being a white knight to damsels in distress and take on more than they can handle. Has he pulled away since you became more confident and happy? If not then what were the early signs? I’m not asking you to go into that here but these are questions to ask yourself and don’t necessarily assume the worst. I feel you deeply love him. I’d try the program, “Reverse Ultimatum” on him and if you have already told him to take a hike then use the program, “Text Your Ex Back”
fairycake
Him helping you is unlikely to have been a con – some men love a little too much and too many is all :)
Numb
You’re right about that. I did love him deeply. I aimed to love myself more and more each day to make it possible to love him to the furthest extent possible.
He liked me confident, happy and positive. He would call me out on it if I ever did or said anything negative.
Even if those 2 women were lying, I was going to end the relationship during the meeting unless he were able to confirm that it would cease. I don’t need a life of drama from his friends.
He said he was on his way to work when I was texting him about meeting up. He kept asking me to just text what I needed to say. I didn’t understand what was so hard about texting “I’ll be available after work at 7 or tomorrow. Is late to night ok?” Something like that. I just viewed that as confirmation that he was avoiding me.
fairycake
I think it’s best to play your cards close to the chest. You can send a text saying I’d rather talk in person but the question is are we exclusive? Simple – straight to the point. Stay calm.
Numb
I appreciate your talking to me. I had a rough mourning. When it comes to texting serious matters, I don’t like it. You can type anything. In person, you speak with your eyes and face and you can read people more.
fairycake
That’s ok :) I have dealt with similar stuff and know it’s crazy making and rips your heart right out of your chest. Maybe the best bet is letting him contact you. If he says what did you want to ask, by text, I’d just text back – I’ve forgotten, mustn’t have been important :) and just let him arrange to see you again. Act happy for now. Don’t chase him and if he doesn’t contact you he must be feeling guilty. If he feels you are relaxed he is more likely to contact you in person. Do you normally see him a few times a week?
NoSugar
I have to disagree with fc here – this person is NOT worth even the slightest effort. Trust me, you don’t even want to go to the effort of looking him in the eye saying get lost. NOT worth it. I’ve been there.
Just keep going strong (writing him off) like you are!
Numb
I hadnt planned on contacting him. The next day I would see him would be Monday
Andrea
I agree with nosugar. His action tells you clearly that he doesn’t care to lose you, or he would bed to see you in person to save the relationship. And you still want to see him? Perhaps deep down you are hoping he will try hard to make you stay, swear to God you are the only one he wants and those women will never appear again – you know it’s not gonna happen, if he will do that, he already did. He won’t do it because you force him to see you in person.
Every failed relationship has a wonderful beginning, that’s why so many women get hurt when it comes to the end. But just remember not every relationship will work out. Cheating is one of the things you should not forgive, let alone with his terrible attitude after cheating.
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