I'm pretty sure that I've just caught my boyfriend cheating

No, I wanted to meet in person to end things so that I could have closure. Texting is very impersonal. Maybe I would take an apology, a claim that he has a sexual addiction or something that would make me not feel as bad as I do now. But, i am not begging him to meet me. When i asked last, that was the last time.

Does it matter any that his friend that told me this is a fiend for cocaine powder? I am grasping for straws but I cant keep,feeling like this

I will not ask any heavy questions like that. I shouldn’t have to ask someone that already promised an exclusive situation if he is my boyfriend at all. When he kept asking me to text it, i more or less told him it had to be in person. I wasnt really begging but rejecting him when he asked me to text it.

More so what i wanted at that point was to feel like i mattered enough to talk in person about ending. Ive accepted that if he wanted to talk to me, he would have called Or set something up. This acceptance doesnt help with the pain though

Did I just read he’s a coke addict? I know it was some girl that told you so beware that may be another lie but … a coke addict can only love coke. Nothing is more important and it will make him into a different man but surely you see him enough to know if he has an addiction? Try to approach the situation in a way that invites him to open up. You say he asked for exclusivity long ago and it’s been almost a year together – I would let him know that you are looking for a relationship that is growing, one where you both share your dreams and make a life together. Otherwise recent events have caused you concern that he seems to have some wild double or triple life according to his vast collection of friends. Try to smile and be light about it, he will be more likely to confess if he feels you just want to know the truth but won’t strangle him on the spot

No no no. The friend, the girl is the coke addict.

Stefanie I am not upset with what you have said at all. I know I seem a little contradictory here – I’ve made mistakes with charmers too lol. I just have a feeling there is more to it and he is a semi weasel that may come good with some tough handling – I just know some very odd people that have turned their lives around. My theory is she may be strung along for another day or two but at least try and get info out of him to help work on change or harden her heart. The not knowing is a killer for her. If the girl is a coke addict I’d be questioning why he wants these friends and is he trying to relive his party days – is he young or possible early mid-life crisis?

I’ll add my advice may be coloured by personal experience here – I just know how it is when someone helps you out of depression – it isn’t an easy task and requires a lot of love and perseverance to keep going. I feel he has a lot of love for her but maybe has started to take advantage of her trusting nature. Playing it cool for a while and acting like a prize can’t hurt. Some men save a woman and love it when she becomes her true confident self. Then the woman feels safe and starts to slide back into being too agreeable and soft – a balance may have been tipped here and he is feeling itchy feet

You’re likely right Stefanie. It is a sad situation and he doesn’t seem unintelligent. It seems a shame to throw out the baby with the bathwater when it may just require some tough love.

He slips into party days a little

Thanks Stefanie – I am aware I can sometimes seem … overly intense :) I am working on that since I have sworn off my going ballistic days :) I can be too passionate and naturally I love the party guys and have been burned. I have also had many successes so I try to weigh up the pros and cons before I write a man off.

Numb – if he slips into party days a little I feel he has slipped into coke as well … no man has coke head friends unless he is open to the idea just a little. I think this new info changes things a lot. If he starts to pursue then you can bring up all your concerns. If he is only in the early days of using he can get into out patient rehab and you have a slight chance. Read up on enabling and addict behaviour. You may be a very good girl and a lamb to the wolves here … be very careful

Ok here are the facts:

A woman called me and stated that she is engaged to my boyfriend. She called from his phone and said he was in bed sleep. After that call I felt betrayed and that he was living a double life. I asked his friend that is a coke addict who that woman was and she said its one o the women he is sleeping with and that he had a baby on the way. That left me feeling like i had been living a lie, that i am boring, that i am among a pool of women and am not even high on the list, that he stopped wanting me!

When i spoke to my boyfriend i only asked him about the woman on the phone. He admitted that she is a friend he knew since he was a kid and that he hung out with her the evening before as a friend. He forgot his phone and didnt return to get it until after work. He said that her playing on his phone wad childish and that he ended their friendship over what she did. I felt ok.

I slept on how to ask him about what his frfriend had said. I wanted to ask in person to see his reactions. The next morning i left him a set of time periods to see when he could meet. I didnt see his reply until the next day in which he asked what was the news. That is when we went back and forth with the lets meet, just text it thing. When he said i was playing games, i assumed his friend must have told him what she said and that he wasnt meeting me because of it. I think it confirmed that what she said is true. This left me feeling that something about me was unable to make him happy. I feel disgarded like i cant please a man.

Whoooooaaaaaa. This is NOT any reflection on YOU!! Whatever he has or hasn’t done, his behavior only comments on him not you. You are taking this way, way too hard and too personally.

Also you are drawing a lot of conclusions and making a lot of assumptions. You don’t really know anything right now. But in the absence of info from another person, you can decide to suspend all judgment and just leave it and continue with your life. So many times in life we don’t get answers or information we want and think we need. Thing is, we don’t need it. That’s only our interpretation, and that’s what makes us miserable.

oh yes Numb – I totally agree with Stefanie – I know you feel devastated but you are fantastic, more than enough and a wonderful woman. Remember how happy he was when you felt confident? How good you felt knowing you were a happy, worthwhile woman? You have always been that woman – interpreting other people’s actions as a sign of you not being a prize is just wrong. You feel hurt and insulted so you want to cry and think that if I was so amazing none of this would have happened. It isn’t true. We can’t know what he is really like and i bet you are wondering who he really si too right now but at the end of the day it is not that you weren’t a prize. Some personality types and possible addictions can make a man act in ways that are near insane or abusive – if such a man hits a child – is the child not good enough? No – get your head clear, be calm, believe in you and that is what will give you the best result regardless of anything that he is doing.