I’m soooooo fed up of being single

Well, if it is any consolation, relationships are hard and often problematic, and it is sometimes a very high price to pay for companionship. On the upside, it only takes meeting one person.

What you’re feeling is absolutely valid and normal, take some time to feel all the frustrations and negative emotions and be comfortable with it. Then do some self-reflection, why being single is an issue for you? What are the primary reasons why being in a relationship matters so much to you at this point in your life? Go deep, even if it’s uncomfortable, and dig deep why you feel this frustrated, because these are the things you have to deal with by yourself. Entering relationships will not magically fix your own issues or to expect the other person to fill your cup with love and happiness.

I’ve been there too – I want to get into a relationship because I wasnt happy with my life, or there are issues within me that I didn’t want to face, and I thought doing so will make things better. I got into relationships but it didnt last long because it ended up me expecting my partner to ‘fill my own cup’ when I should be doing that in the first place. I realised that it does make a huge difference when you enter a relationship happy and fulfilled.

Also, never ever compare your life with others – we all have different timelines, others are in a relationship, married, engaged etc. Don’t let society pressure you into getting in a relationship at a particular age or what, it’s better to be single than be in a so-so relationships. Don’t settle in relationships. Not everyone in a relationship is genuinely happy, and not singles are lonely.

I’ve been single nearly 2 years too and loving it! Yes, there are days I feel frustrated but I just let it pass by because I know that the man who wants to be with me is already out there so what’s the rush? I’m enjoying dating around and see if these guys have what it takes to be in a comitted relationship with me. I’ve been so ruthless in cutting men off that doesn’t live up to my standards because instead of having a desperate and scarscity mindset, I have this abundance mindset that there are billions of men out there that I can filter before I meet my husband! And if the dates didn’t work out then thank god because you move on to the next one and you take the lessons you’ve learned!

Focus on other parts of your life you’re thriving on, do other things where it’ll make you feel good, prioritize feeling good – take classes on whatever, travel with friends or alone, date yourself alone, do things that you’d usually do with a boyfriend alone, it’s scary but it feels so good after doing it!

I had a first date with a new guy last last week and I’m seeing another guy this week and I don’t want to pressure myself, I just want to stay present and enjoy the evening! It’s exciting to see who will actually step up since I really observe actions vs words so we’ll see. And if it didn’t work out with both guys then I’ll be fine, on to the next! If it works out with one of them then awesome!

Everything happens for a reason, you are exactly where you are meant to be. Sometimes, all you have to do is just surrender to the Universe. The energy you put out there reflects back to you. Feel frustrated but bounce back, stand tall, be strong, be confident, and look for evidence that life, even if it doesn’t feel like it at times, is working in your favor. 😊

12 weeks after I swore off online dating and decided I was perfectly fine with being single the rest of my life rather than go on a ton of bad dates or be in a bad relationship… I met my now-husband. :)

What’s that saying…. what you resist will persist. Love you, love your life and you’ll see changes. And the right guy will probably show up when you aren’t looking and least expect it. That’s how it happened for me.

And may I add – our mind is so powerful. So powerful we can create our own reality in a way. So program your brain that there are amazing men out there and one of which is your future partner, that way you’re looking for evidence that yes there are actually nice men out there. Even outside of online dating – like when you go out to buy a coffee or go out and do some errands or when you go out with friends – just believe that you will meet an amazing guy at the perfect timing. 😊

The Universe really has a way of surprising us so just wait for it, you’ll meet him at the right time. Sounds so cliche but so true!

I definitely can relate. I had the exact same issue with online, where after a little while guys took off. It can eventually get to you. I remember feeling frustrated, upset, and depressed. I was ghosted so many times. Its like a revolving door.

What I have realized is the culture of online dating is about talking to many trying to find the right one.

Its horrible,but reality. I’ve been single forever too. It feels like you are so alone. You feel like something is wrong with you. But people around you tell you how great you are, so it where’s a good man?

What I learned from online dating is as follows:

1. Most guys are on there for a reason. Tons of baggage, hook up, or non commital. One in a million wants a relationship and it still doesn’t mean you are the right person. I had one guy with a serious drinking problem…RUN!

2. Most guys are talking to many people.

3. Because of #2, guys ghost for two reasons. They met someone else they like better or they think things are going somewhere and they don’t want to commit. Commitment phobe.

I’ve tried to convince myself that if they leave or it just isn’t right, that it wasn’t meant to be.

The right person should be easy and fun, not stressful.

You are not alone. I speak for myself, but I think a lot of people on here have felt what you have with online dating.

If it makes you feel better, I did meet someone online, the most recent. He committed really fast and was even talking marriage and kids. After 6 months, we got into an awkward disagreement and he ghosted me. It can happen anytime. I’m crushed and hurt.

But if you don’t try, open up, and go for it, you can’t love.

Keep your head up. I also find guys are really immature and are intimidated by women like us…smart, mature, pretty, put together, good career, and independent. Their little boy brains can’t handle so much greatness.

@AK, gosh, he ghosted after 6 months?? That really sucks. Have you heard anything since? Hope you are doing ok? Thank you for your advice

@Emma, thanks so much for the tips. I find it tough to have patience and definitely have high expectations so when I do meet someone I click with I get disappointed really quick if I can’t sense their interest level. Honestly, I feel so lost with it all. How do you mean do not ‘talk’ so much? Is this to create mystery? Oh gosh how do I train my brain to see it all as a hobbie? The expectations part will be hard

Finally? How often do you guys reply to a guy when meeting online?!

I completely understand where you are coming from. I was in the same position a few years ago, before I met my fiancé. I was dating one nightmare after another. I also don’t have an extensive check list. I could care less about a man’s height, hair colour or if they’re muscular. I was looking for someone who was honest and respectful of me. You would think that would be easy to find but it’s not unfortunately.

Do you have a lot of physical characteristics in your check list? Like hair colour, height etc? If so spend less time on these things and think about if guys want the same things as you do, if they are honest and if they have respect for you. If the answer is yes be more open-minded and give them a go.

In the meantime you do you. Do things that make yourself feel confident. Go to the gym, hang out with friends. Do whatever makes you feel good. Confidence is an attractive quality and people will be drawn to you.

It is not “how often”, it is “to whom” you reply. Make sure you focus on the right things.

Look for a father for your kids. Imagine your kids, would they thank you for this guy? if the answer is NOT immediately “yes or maybe”, then disengage quickly. Drop everything at once, say thanks, it was nice knowing you good luck and good bye, and do not be a sissy, do not change your mind because “he is a nice guy and I like him”. Being weak is very costly.

Focus on what you want in life and what is important. If you stay focused on that, the right man who has the same goals would sense it.

If you are wishy washy, all over the place, this is nice and that is nice, then the right man would sense that too LOL But he wants a woman who wants the same things he does, so he’d move on.

Stay focus on what YOU want and if a guy, however nice, does not match with your goals, stop “talking” to him and move on. This is what men do, so we women should do the same. Except for us there is a double difficulty at the start, where you cannot force things and take initiative, because if you do this at the beginning, you’d always feel like he is not into you later on. So this is an extra difficulty that women have to deal with. But it too can be overcome with the right focus. Focus and stay focused on what you want. And also build your life and other activities towards that goal. I have a lovely friend whom I adore, an intellectual, charmer, walking encyclopedia, but he smokes, has a gut, and is not interested in sport. There is no way I can be with someone like that. Because by the time he is 65 he would be walking with a cane and would need a hip replacement and would spend most of his free time at the doctors’ offices or hospitals.

It is very important to have the same goals and values, so stay focused on yours. If you exercise then exercise often at the same time, you are likely to meet someone by doing that. I am STILL getting hit on by guys at the gym. All of them saw me doing what I had been doing for weeks before approaching me. Every year I get 2-3 “coffee approachers”. And I am still taking it for granted. LOL LOL

So if you focus on your goal and stick to it, you are going to attract the same type of a person eventually. Eventually LOL, so PATIENCE, Jade, patience is your GPS.

“What helped me ended my 5 years of dating and got into a relationship is the acceptance that men (that I feel are good match to me) have a lot more choices, sadly… I am not here to degrade women, but just my personal observation”

This statement does not AT ALL degrade women. Rather it reflects the quality of women out there is VERY high compared to the quality of men. I’m mid 40’s, smart, attractive, have money, funny, very easy going. My equal in a man has a lot of options in the dating pool that see him as a serious relationship option. So the attractive, fit, mid 40’s man with money can choose from women anywhere from 25 to 55 that would HAPPILY commit to him. He’s still young enough to father a child. And a lot of the best single men in my age groups are ones who are now wanting to start families. I’m left with men with a lot of baggage, ones aging into health issues, or the very young who don’t want to settle down.

The upside is that women wanting CASUAL relationships have a giant pool of options. So I’m taking this time to have fun and meet whoever I want online, with zero expectations. For me, it’s not worth hanging my hopes on a relationship, because the best guys my age will always go younger eventually (I’ve dated some great guys and by the 4th/5th date kids come up, and a lot of them want that as an option), I’m sadly not into olders, and the younger guys are short term.

Personally, when I to a point where I didn’t want a relationship, it got more fun.

“We are at a disadvantage, and by a lot!”

Only at a disadvantage on relationships. I go out on dates all the time with amazing men and if I want physical connection, it’s really easy to get. I have what a lot of men want. Ironically I have what my ex wanted. And he now feels “stuck” in a relationship because he craves physical contact.

There do seem to be a ton of options for women who want to have children that are REALLY good men. But those men don’t want “party” types or any sign of mental instability. These men LOVE me. They want me. They’d commit to me. But I am very healthy, not a drinker, don’t party, employed, reliable, VERY sweet and emotionally with it. The complaints I hear are that the women they are dating are flaky, party too much, drink too much. They can’t find “nice” women.

I’ve been there. Hit my low point of “I will never find love” around 1,5 years ago. I had been single for 3 years by then and just got completely fooled by a a-hole who lied to me, said he wanted a relationship but just disappeared after the first time we had sex. I blamed myself, hit a real low point in confidence and selfworth.
Let me tell you, I’m still single now. And honestly I think I needed the major low point and all this single-time. After 4,5 years you learn that you can perfectly live on your own, I learned to love myself, as cliché as it might sound. I really had time to focus on myself.
Gaining more confidence and knowing that I can be happy on my own made dating less stressfull. There’s less pressure. Before I’d settle for less, for people I knew weren’t good for me, because I just wanted a relationship and to feel loved. I would never do that now, I’ll wait for someone who treats me right.

So allow yourself to dwell a tiny bit, but don’t get hopeless. Live life. Discover what else you want in life exept a relationship. Do things for yourself. Maybe you’ll find love when you’re not looking, maybe you don’t and you can start looking again when you’re in a better place.

Hi Jade,

I know the exact feeling. I’ve been single for the last 5 years, which was when I even had a major relationship. Most of the affairs that I had were either the fact that I was screwing around or it was just a one time only type of thing. And it doesn’t really help that I had been in three abusive relationships throughout the five years. I’m having an okay-ish life. I have a good job that pays well, I’m currently in school, and I feel that somehow something is missing. I do have a circle of friends, they’re all not really local to me.

What I will suggest is maybe putting yourself out there and see how it goes. I kinda remember when my mom and my hairdresser kinda set me up with some guy who they thought would be my friend. And being the prideful bitch that I am, I refused to go and meet him. As I was okay with the amount of friends that I already have. Well, it kinda backfired on me so I’m kinda paying the price for it now lol.