Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Improving,being high value,pics with exes and how quickly should he respond
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 4 years, 4 months ago by
Sylvia.
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Sylvia
Thanks to this forum I worked on my issues –
1. obsession (I literally saw a guy and I spent months wanting the idea of someone, in the end he chose a basic b***ch but they’re on the same level.. even if I’m wrong about them now I see i was crazier scarlett o hara with ashley!),
2. anger
3. having sex too quickly.
I flipped the script and it seems to be working. Still people see me as I am meaning – I’m natural not wearing social mask which is bad and good but should I wear a mask? Idk.
Now I also see how guys love easy girls but say terrible things about them while they value girlfriends and they have better social and overall status. I decided on not paying on dates.
4.
sex and relationship:
still haven’t figured out how to communicate it without telling someone “I want to be gf to do this” because it changes the dynamics and I probably won’t be sure if I want to be his gf either!
I know how I want to be treated. I’m not allowing anyone who isn’t pursuing me and treating well in my life.
5. ex
I deleted my ex from my friends list – he became petty but he was getting off on getting revenge by showing me by adding himself to 1000 events, posting pics and decided I’m over this.
Someone might still think we’re together though because of some pics. Should I delete them all? Some are fun!
Since I mentioned I’m naive and sweet and it shows. Like I’m a sheep most of the time – considered weak. Should I confront this issue too? At least I stoped pretending, you don’t like my personality, lifestyle then bye.
6. I told a guy I won’t message him any more because I see he responded out of pity, boredom or mind games. I was just done so didn’t matter. In the future never I should never say such things right.
7. How long is it appropriate for a guy to reply to you? Also it’s stupid but with one guy I asked him “why didn’t you wish me happy b-day”. We don’t know each other well. Do you think there is coming back from this and after like 2 weeks more I can send him one last shot message to see? (He thinks I’m still with ex duh).Raven
Breathe…
How’s your relationship with yourself?
Anon
Definitely do not text a guy who didn’t respond to you. I don’t know, but i was on a different sight that mentioned something very simple: if a guy wants to talk to you, he will call you, if a guy wants to text you, he will text, if he wants to see you again- he will make it a point to do so. Get good at knowing yourself well enough to know what’s good for you or not. Also, learn to read people better and that will help with how naive you are.
Liz Lemon
Given the posts you’ve been making recently I think you should take a step back from dating. You seem frantic.
About the photos with your ex, who cares. No one is trolling through old social media posts looking for photos of you and your ex. Delete them or don’t delete them. If you like them and they’re fun, leave them if you want to.
I don’t understand why you’d ask a guy you don’t know well why he didn’t wish you a happy birthday. Why would he? And why would you text him in 2 weeks if you hadn’t heard from him in that time? Why waste the time and energy. A guy who hasn’t texted you in weeks and didn’t wish you a happy birthday (assuming he knew it was your birthday) isn’t interested in you.
You made multiple posts on this site about your ex and how incompatible you two were. In essence you couldn’t stand the guy, but didn’t want to break up because you were afraid to be single. You admitted as much. Now you’re chasing a guy who isn’t texting you (the happy birthday guy). It’s really simple, as has already been stated, a guy who wants to text you, or call you, or see you, will do those things. You won’t have to chase him. There are no “one last shot” messages.
So I see you wasting a lot of time on guys who are not for you. Whether it’s because you are not compatible with them, or because you’re chasing them. That’s why I’m saying you should take a break and get right with yourself. If I recall you dated your ex for a couple of months and just broke up a couple of weeks ago right? You need more time to process the breakup. I don’t think you should be out dating 2 weeks after a breakup even if it was a short relationship. Some people might be OK doing that but you definitely seem like you need to do some work on yourself. Develop some hobbies or interests or do volunteer work and don’t think about dating for awhile. Because at the moment you are frantic and all over the place.
Sylvia
Anon, definitely.
Raven, it’s a process which will last.
A bit off topic – about therapy !! – My friend finished therapy and I’m impressed by his results and the fact that this therapist literally takes several meetings and then lets patients go. (My other friend has been going to hers for 10 years often twice a week and her self esteem is poor and he teaches her how to not brush her husband’s -a narcissist – ego). I’ve booked her from September and looking for another one as well in the meantime.
Now I have two older guy friends who are probably players but treat me well but I do nothing about it.
I kind of know I’m great but deep down insecurities are still here.
But.. I started expected better treatment from EVERYONE and even told the owner of the restaurant off because he was very rude.
Also I noticed I had tendency/bad luck and two love triangles where everyone lost.
About happy bday texts and this guy – yeah it’s old me peaking through but I’m done with it.
Living my life and decided to change a job and focus on it. I had bad experience with one job that made me feel worthless and miserable and am kind of flourishing now even though the new one is not directly linked to my degree. What’s funny though is that my “manic” side is what makes me good at it!
I only spend time with people who make me smile and are like me – full of energy, ideas. Also I present myself as I am and some people find my “cute” traits as “cute” not weak.
Liz overall you’re right. I’m kind of stuck as everyone because of covid and my options are limited. As for my ex – I admitted it myself like you said. I only missed being seen as gf material etc and don’t miss him as a person at all which I admit.
Also I decided to cut some part of my friends off and find new ones, new gym etc :)
For me it’s a progress :)Sylvia
Also I got rid of victim narrative. I see how I sabotaged myself so many times!
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