Initiating No Contact

You don’t have to but in your situation i would say this isn’t what i want and so i don’t want to see you anymore so please don’t contact me. Don’t get into long explanations or anything that hints you’ll change your mind if he makes promises to do more or whatever. Just one sentence and do not contact him.

No contact is about taking time for you to heal, to focus on yourself and do things that make you feel good. It is not a magical trick to get him to suddenly realise he wants a relationship with you and you should not be doing this in the hope he will come back and be different which a lot of women seem to think.

End it and focus on you – do not pine for him

@Kerri, I think it’s great you’ve come to this realisation and want to move forward and find what you actually want.

You should have a chat with him. Let him know that you and he want different things, and that you therefore feel you need to part ways. Make it clear that whilst you hold him no ill will, you feel you need to make a clean break, so don’t plan to keep in touch.

I think @Lana is making an assumption here, nowhere does Kerri say she wants him back. It’s also not really ideal to phrase this as “handed your body over”. I don’t think you realise it, but that does sound judgemental. A body, sex – is not a bargaining chip. If a guy actually likes you, he can have sex with you on a first date and still date you then commit to you etc. meanwhile someone who wants to play you can tell you you’re in a relationship, have sex til he gets bored, then dump you.

The problem wasn’t that she slept with him, the problem was that the signs that he didn’t want this to be a relationship outweighed those that he did, and she held on for a little while before accepting that he wasn’t offering a relationship.

But yes people are right to point out that if you break up with someone you have to mean it – try to avoid sitting there hoping he’ll change his mind. And find lots of other things to do to keep you busy and happy.

Thank you for this.

and no. I don’t intend to get him back. that is not realistic. and the sex thing, was not what complicated this at all. we haven’t had sex in over a month and had only been together sexually a handful of times (all good – or seemed to be on my end – he had expressed to me that it was “special”)

I don’t know what his situation is, what has changed or whatever – I just know something is up – he still contacted me daily (his initiation) and we would chat and get together to hang out cuddling, watching tv etc, (again no sex recently – His choice BTW)

Then over the last three weeks when I expressed interest in getting together he would come up with excuses. Over the weekend I realized I had allowed myself to read too much into this – he allowed me to keep investing even though we were never on the same page. I told him at the beginning I wanted a partner, I asked him his dating goals etc. I won’t get into all the details, I just opened my eyes and saw clearly that we are not in the same place and probably will not ever be.

I don’t want to speak to him. I just want to move on. I was just looking for some insight as to IF I should explain myself (is that what a man needs) or just continue no contact.

It has been a couple of days – He only texted me once. A statement that didn’t require a response so I didn’t respond.

Thank you for your advise, if he does ask me I will calmly explain my exit, but otherwise I am at peace with a clean break.

Thanks again all for the advise :)

Aw that’s sweet of you, thank you. I think they were being fair and just letting me know of the rules. The forum is for everyone, and there are a lot of people here who are great :)