Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Initiating texts in dating
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 4 years, 1 month ago by
Vera.
-
AuthorPosts
-
Vera
Hello!
I’m in my mid 30s and I have many years of dating experience .
I tend to be the type of girl who lets the guy reach out and “court” in early dating stages but I’m wondering if that’s going against me.I’m just wondering – is it ok if I don’t text a guy to “check in” while dating . Let’s say I have a 3rd or 4th date with a guy on Saturday and he reaches out to text me Wednesday . Am I supposed to text again before the date, otherwise he will think I’m not interested ?
It’s not like I necessarily want to text him. If I did , I would. The only reason I’d be texting is to make sure he knows I like him and I wouldn’t want him to feel discouraged as though he is “chasing” and I’m not lifting a finger.
How much is a girl supposed to initiate ? Again if it was in my nature to initiate I would , it’s not like I’m holding myself back or anything . I just don’t want to lose quality guys if they think I’m not interested .Thanks
Newbie
This is a tough question. I know and so do you that the general rule is to sit back and let him initiate. That does work the best. But you dont want to be a cold fish either. I would say texting just to show him your interested is not good because its not natural. But just say something nice or funny just because you want to, would be ok
Liz Lemon
I think the key here is to do what feels natural. You said “if it was in my nature to initiate I would , it’s not like I’m holding myself back or anything.” You should do what feels natural for you in dating, always.
If in the scenario you describe it would feel weird to text the guy, don’t do it. You won’t chase away the right guy. Assuming you are responsive and warm when the guy does text you, you should be fine. And if you have a very strong connection with a guy you might feel more urge to spontaneously text him after 3 or 4 dates. Like Newbie said, if you think of something funny or nice you want to say to him, and WANT to text him, it’s fine to do it. But I don’t think you should have some calculated strategy around when to text that does not fit with your natural personality.
Ss
When I was first dating my boyfriend I recall a conversation where texting habits came up and I commented something like “Well you don’t text me daily and I don’t get bothered because I know you are not a big texter and I’d rather you texted me because you wanted to rather than feeling it was a duty” he said he noticed i never initiated and that it would be nice for him to feel like I wanted to text him sometimes as he had wondered why I don’t. We had been together for 3 months at this point are were exclusive as well as being long distance.
As things have progressed we do have contact most days and I do initiate at times but I do think it can work against us a bit if we never initiate but to some degree he had to “earn” that from me by being consistent in his other actions.
So, there is nothing wrong with initiating once things are established but generally let a man lead. If he is asking you out and is consistent in his actions its fine anyway. Text messaging and constant availability is the worst thing to ever happen to dating! X
Anderson
Consider yourself lucky because you get the perk of being true to yourself i.e. not initiating texts, and it just so happens that aligns with good dating advice for women.
I agree with Newbie that this is a tough one. But focus on the best solution instead of the perfect one. Because you cant have your cake and eat it too. You can mitigate this a bit by organically/casually bringing it up in conversation that you’re bad at initiating texts but it’s not a reflection of interest. But reality check: nothing can guarantee you won’t ever lose a quality person.
Like I often say. If someone’s intention is to land a serious partner, they need to get comfortable with being single, and lose the idea that when it comes to quality love interests you “gotta catch em all.” Because the more you try hard to, the more you open yourself to the poor options.
Vera
These are great replies and some great advice ! Thanks !!!
-
AuthorPosts
