Innocent Text, but still confused.

Angie baby, it has absolutely nothing to do left, or right brain but ANYONE with a brain who could clearly see that the woman was confused as to not only who he was but why he was asking her out for coffee. A mere response, on his part, would have easily solved it with a “Yes, remember we discussed the fishing trip with your son the other weekend. You told me to contact you, so I was thinking we could meet for coffee to plan the fishing trip. Sorry for the confusion.”

This whole thing could have been avoided with a simple response that any person with “a brain” would do when they can see (he as eyes) when the reader (person receiving the text) is confused. Again, this goes beyond the text, whereas, if this is how he deals or copes with problems, she’s going to have a very rough, and rocky marital road ahead of her.

Annabelle, you handled it like most people with “a brain” would have handled it, based on the circumstances. However, you probably should have mitigated it, immediately, after discussing it with your fiance’ by CALLING the woman directly, and telling her “I talked with “_____” about the text. He assumed you remembered discussing the fishing trip the other weekend, so he thought grabbing a cup of coffee to plan it would be the best way, since you don’t know him very well. I know it looked bad but he was merely trying to meet up with you to schedule the fishing trip with your son, and was confused that you didn’t remember who he was or why he was contacting you, so he stopped responding believing the fishing trip wasn’t going to happen—its was a simple case of confusion, and miscommunication.” Chit chat, tell her he’s a good guy, meant no harm blah, blah, blah…

I think you clearing it up, immediately, would have made him feel like you ‘had his back’ by ending the confusion with ALL parties, especially the woman involved v. allowing it to fester, to the point, it has.

As to your question: are you ok? Do you care to know the answer? I guess you could say no when it comes to you. I disappeared because of you and i tell you why. I spend around 5 years on this forum and i was always about being honest but respectful. This is in the worst of times when this forum was bulled and i actively acted to try to remove them. At some point admin arrived and it stopped. So i did what you did before, Spoke up. But when you said what i said was the worst advice ever, i was severely shocked. As that was never my intention. I corrected it 5 times. You were along here for a bit and should have known i dont put women down. I only get frustrated sometimes when women chose their worst options.
But you stuck with your calling me out. So to me this was incredible hurtful. It still is. But i accepted it and came back. Im not negative now, i responded to two post i consider bogus and one where someone keeps asking the same thing a waste of time. Thats it. The other ones i was perfectly respectful. But here you are again calling me out when op herself was already perfectly fine responding to me. Why? And then you seem to think admin was in your favour or anything. Or that he/she needed to intervene. I dont think that all. I think admin knew perfectly well we can both take care of ourselves.

I am in the camp that this wasn’t all that innocent. Women (including myself in the past) are experts at making excuses for grown men. We need to stop. If we want a man for a partner why do we treat them like children and say they didn’t know any better – when they act in a way that’s concerning to us?

I would honestly be able to consider it ‘just’ being a misunderstanding except the way he’s acting now. In my experience, an innocent dude would have wanted to clear the air and reassure their girlfriend. Instead he’s doing exactly the opposite – and what someone has pointed out – turning the tables making his partner feel worried and upset that he’s isn’t talking to her. It’s all well and good you know your man’s attachment style – I’ve dated an avoidant more times than I should have. But just because we can label it, and it’s textbook, doesn’t mean it’s not abusive behavior. Ignoring you, refusing to talk through concerns you have, not reassuring you, twisting the issue to be mostly about his feelings are at worst, classic signs of a narcissist, or at least, a selfish person with unhealthy, immature behaviors and you don’t deserve it.