Insecurity after Fights: How to Deal

Love this subject ! :) I think a lot of women have troubles with how to deal in and after I fight.

I agree chose your battles. When I feel that a fight is coming, or that i’m not happy with a situation, I choose to breathe first, get clear in my own head. Does it worth to fight? is it just me or my insecurities? If I find that i have a legitimate to be angry, taking time to breathe first helps to adress them in a mature way, without letting my emotions take the best of me. Plus, when we adress things to someone without drama or crys etc… it has way more impact, we are taken more seriously.

But yes, despite of that, I’m always anxious after a fight… Did he heard me? Have i siad the right thing? Is it gonna cahnge things about us in a bad way? What image does he have of me now ? etc… etc..
Men are not stupid. They’re hearing us. They don’t look like it in the moment because they hate fights and they always try to find a way to get away with it. But they hear us. But a man needs time to process what happened in the fight, sometimes alone.
Our jobs are to trust that, and believe i’ll do the best for us and for the relationship. And if doesn’t too many times, that’s when you realise he may be not the one.

If i still feel anxious after the fight, i lash out on friends who are just awesome with me. They help me to ask myself the right questions . Or I come here, where I can feel understood, with great people who help me as well :)

As for the OCD part, he already knows it, he knew it since the begining i suppose, and yet he chose you. He accepts you the way you are. So keep working on yourself, believe in him, and everything should be just fine :)

I have OCD which a lot of the time manifests in intrusive thoughts. It does make things in the relationship difficult at times for my boyfriend and can prolong my negative feelings after a disagreement. However it is much easier since I no longer try to hide it from him. Have you explained to him about this and how you feel after an argument? Its not a flaw to be sensitive to arguments/ disagreements I think everyone has a different threshold to things like this. I know I can be very sensitive to disagreements with anyone and I really dislike confrontation. Since talking with my boyfriend about my OCD ways we both deal a lot better. Now if I’m getting this way I will say to him “I’m having an intrusive thought” and he understands that its the OCD talking to him! It works for us. CBT techniques and self talk are also useful for both OCD and general anxiety/ insecurity issues and might be worth looking into some techniques. I also like tallady’s suggestion of meditation as a good way of clearing your mind of negative thoughts before they run away with you.