Interested but doesn't make plans to see me??

After 8 weeks a guy should know whether or not he wants this to progress and you should be seeing him more not less!! And if he fails to make plans and waits to the last minute to find out you’re already busy, he should step up and make plans earlier! If he’s not doing any of that the good morning/good night texts that take all of 15 seconds to send mean nothing. He should be missing you if there are almost 2 weeks between dates and you should be getting compliments and flirty texts, etc. I would start looking for another guy who shows you interest and wants to see you!

I am feel I am in a sort of similar position. In the VERY early stages of dating, have a great time together but he hasn’t really been in touch recently. He doesn’t ask me what my plans are.. I wrote him off as I presumed he wasn’t interested so I stopped contacting him. Then after 3 or 4 days (over a weekend) just when I stop thinking about him, he texts me late on the Sunday night (maybe bored now that his weekend is over?) saying “you given up on me already?” As if it’s me that hasn’t been in contact with him (I had been in contact through the week but felt it was me initiating and that I was getting one word replies.)

Is it possible that single men are just so used to being only concerned with themselves, are so absorbed in what it is that they are doing, that they are out of touch about how women work, and what women expect from a man in early dating days/how to be wooed? Also online dating has lowered the bar in regard to expectations and men can get away with putting in minimal effort? Some women somewhere will accept this lack of effort? Dating seems so fleeting now, do guys only message you or organise a last minute date with you when they are at a loose end and it happen to suit them at that point in time?

Since I had nothing to lose, I just had it out with him. I told him he needed to up his game or he’d be better off remaining single. He seem baffled and didn’t understand where I was coming from. He said he was interested. Should I not hold my breath???

Keep him on the back burner. Do not invest emotionally. Look for other guys, but if there is nothing better to do, you can text with him – why not? Just don’t deceive yourself and don’t get involved. 8 weeks is a long time but you only saw him a few times, so pace yourself back to where it is. If you were seeing each other normally, it would only be a couple of weeks, people tend to meet twice a week.

Be careful. It is very easy for guys to do all this texting but we women get emotionally involved and then get hurt. Your deserve better, so smarten up.

@ R, I’ve learned to keep my expectations low but my standards high.
I must say that was a ballsy thing to say to that guy.
In the future I wouldn’t even bother saying all that. A man is either going to step up or he’s not. Being told to do something won’t light a fire under his ass per se.
There is a guy out there that wants to court you, don’t bother with the ones that are too lazy to step up.

R,

You said he didn’t owe you anything yet you called him out for not keeping in touch? No wonder he was baffled! You say you wrote him off because “I assumed he wasn’t interested so I stopped contacting him.” That’s where I think a lot of women go wrong. You get into a situation where they are initiating the contact and the guy gets used to it. They expect you to continue initiating the conversation and they sit back and have to do nothing. Hence you never know if they are interested or not. If instead you let the guy initiate from the beginning. Only respond when he contacts you, then there is no question when he’s interested and pursuing you.

Hi all,
-After several weeks of dating the same guy-, I think men assume we – women – are ok with the attention and effort they are investing on the relationship/dating stage. But hey, they cannot READ our minds! How he would know we are not ok with it if we accept whatever from him when he finally makes plans, and we act like we are cool and ok with that?
But then, when we are alone we are pissed because we want more. Each woman is different, we have different needs and communication style. Some of us don’t require daily contact, some of us can be happy with a call or a message. Some of us can be happy having 1 day per week, some require at least three times per week to feel comfortable. So, if we don’t express what we want these men will know if they are doing ok or not. Men always complain about we women think they can know what we are thinking.
If he doesn’t step up, could be because:
*Woman is accepting whatever he wants to give, she shows she is happy with what she is getting from him.
*She is too available when he decides to show up.
*He is not really interested. So, he doesn’t care.

Marie, when I first read your post I wanted to cry because I could have written it… and the wound is very raw. My friend of three years went on vacation several months ago for 2 ½ weeks (platonic) but when we returned began dating….. INSERT YOUR LETTER….. for 5 months. We dated every other Saturday evening because he had custody of his children the other weekends; and after the second month met on Sundays evening occasionally after he dropped them off. As for texting, no he didn’t text much… and hardly called in 5 months. I called / texted most of the time and I am not one to call /text much. Although when we did talk on the phone, we would speak for an hour or so. I never knew when he left if there would be another date until that Wednesday or the following. You stated he does not compliment you, does not flirt with you and hardly kisses you…. Well…. My friend would compliment me, he always did, always flirted but as far as being interested in me sexually; I don’t believe to this day he really was. (He was very much a gentleman with me rather odd considering I know what his reputation is….. understand?) In the end (recently) he told me that he was developing the same feeling for me that he had for someone who had hurt him badly when they left; I had made comments about leaving at the end of the year and he didn’t want to be hurt like that again. He wants to remain “friends” with me….??? and promises I am not a booty call. (Of course not, we didn’t. LOL) What I can tell you from this is…. I never knew where I stood in this “relationship”… ….. A girlfriend or just a friend standing in as a girlfriend till he found a real one? I was constantly second guessing myself and his actions or lack of. If a man is interested in you, he will let you know where you stand in his life…. There will be NO question…. It wasn’t until I went back in my memory to the last relationship (Which was a few years ago) and remembered how I was treated; when everything started clicking. I also purchased a book “He’s just not that into you.” I swore I would never buy that book, but I did…. and I must say it was logical. Had I followed this with my friend (and a few others), I wouldn’t have ended up where I am today. My advice, date a few men (at the same time) not just one. Let them come to you…. You are the Princess and deserve to be spoiled. If they can’t get off their butts and take us out, call us, text us, show continuous interest….. do you think they will do ANYTHING for us once we have them…eh, no. Let the next women who wastes time texting / calling / chasing them…….have them… (just a thought…lol)

Hi,

I’ve been seeing thins guy for a little bit more than 6 months. His schedule is awful. He works from 5pm to
12am.Goes home like at 2am gets home by car like at 3:15 or so. Sleeps until 1 or 2pm. Gets ready to go back to work everyday. We see each other after 12am when we do, I’m the one that makes plans if we don’t go to his apartment we’ll go out to munch on something or have a drink. What should I do? I mean he’s a sweetheart when I see him and calls everyday before work. The goodles morning/night text & is a bit jealous. What would be your opinion towards this situation?
Thanks :)

Lol that’s true. He should ay least try to make time? Or am I asking for too much
????

Yeah I know. Should he make more time or am I asking for too much?

Hi,

I met a guy 3 weeks ago. for the three times we met, I invited him or asked if I could see him. while his weekends are busy I have shown previously that I am free during the week too. the thing is he ke texts everyday. he never ignores my text and seems genuinely interested in getting to know me. but why does he not set dates or make plans to see me. I’m no longer making the plans and waiting for him to move.

It’s only been 8 weeks, give it more time and be patient. But do not make him your priority. Stay a little detached in case things don’t work out. Keep seeing others casually.

Why would you want to end it? Unless you have someone better, wait and see how it goes. You can always put a break on it later on. Just make sure not to invest into him emotionally.