Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Is he actively pursuing others while sleeping with me without a condom?
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 9 years, 10 months ago by
Holly.
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Krissie
In a nutshell. we’ve seen each other 5 times over the last month. Our first date we ended up having sex (which was amazing) and he drove me home after. All of our “dates” have been either at his place or mine (we like to cook, though because it’s cold winter, being at home is a bit nicer) and we have sex every time. We text often (I probably initiate more often, but he responds as soon as he reads my text) and he’s asked me for every date except the last one. He’s mentioned things we should do together in the future, and he has told me in many different ways that he thinks I’m great.
From the second date we stopped using condoms. He has not slept with anyone since meeting me (either have I) and he said he’s clean. I did get tested last week and everything is fine. I’ve mentioned to him that we should actually go OUT on a date, which he agreed, but he doesn’t seem to be asking me. He’s said he’s not very proactive about a lot of things (I’m wondering if asking me out is one of them?)
Recently we were looking at stuff on his phone and an email alert from a different site than where I met him popped up. I didn’t say anything, but I wonder, is he actively pursuing others while sleeping with me without a condom? Does he just have his accounts open without actively looking but still gets the alerts? (I still do). Do I broach this topic with him? Do I suggest we start using condoms again until we’re exclusive? I don’t feel comfortable pursuing other people when I’m sleeping with someone else, let alone not using condoms. I realize it was most likely very stupid of me to from the get-go. We are both also in our mid-late 30s.Alisa
Ask him directly. We can only do wild guesses here.
Debby
Um, you need a reality check darlin’.
This man is gettin’ sex without any of the responsibilities of a relationship. And YOU…omg, sex without protection?! Please don’t be silly….never have unprotected sex. EVER.
This is a FWB situation, not a relationship. You’ve not gone out on a date. Talk is friggin’ cheap.
It is your right to know if he’s sleeping with others or dating others. It’s a health issue. He shouldn’t have a problem talking about it. If he does, then you have other issues to worry about.
Ivy
“From the second date we stopped using condoms. He has not slept with anyone since meeting me (either have I) and he said he’s clean. ”
Did you know this guy before you had a second date with him? I really hope so because if only met him 2x and then had unprotected sex that is an awful lot of trust for a complete stranger.
You should always be using condoms until:
1- you get to know a guy – 2 dates doesn’t qualify, you need to know that you can trust what he says and does
2 – you openly had a conversation about exclusive sex and/or safe sex
3 – sex with condom should be happening for 3 months until you decide to take the condom off, that is how long it takes to see an STD and both should be tested
*These conversations need to happen before sex and not in the bedroom. If the conversation doesn’t happen use a Magnum condom at least.You need to talk to a gyn about what is safe sex, as you are not practicing safe sex. Read up on it. Seriously mid 30’s come on….are we living in the same world here?
Second yes, tell the guy if not exclusive then condom, but if I were you I’d wonder why you would want to have sex with a guy even with a condom that isn’t willing to be exclusive with you. I guess that’s your choice but at least be safe which right now you are not.
If he is coming to your house and not dating you and taking you out – then you are sex buddies, not dating.
You are too old not to be smarter than this, I am sorry but I thought you must be early 20’s and super naive…mid 30’s, that’s not right. I truly hope you knew this guy as a friend before having unprotected sex with him on the 2nd date, that is borderline insanity. I am not saying this to me mean but your post gave me a shock factor, I really have no words for this, I am truly in shock and I think it’s time you got smarter and treated your body like it belonged to someone you love and not be so careless.
alia
Hmm, definitely ask him! This is something both should have talked to you on sex date number one, and the condom should have stayed on the whole time until it’s completely clear neither of you is dating others. You need to know this whether or not he is receiving junk mail. Are you putting junk mail and your health and sanity on an equal importance? I’d say your health is first!
Ivy
Oh and STD’s don’t show up that quick so you might not be fine.
Aries
You barely know this man so you dont know if he is sleeping with you only. You guys are not a couple and he is clearly keeping his options open while being sexual active with you.
Hes getting sex easy. He doesnt even need to invest in a few dates (restaurants, movies, etc) guys dont value what is given to them easy.
And lets be honest, if you were so concerned about stds and him sleeping with multiple people you wouldn’t be having sex without condoms on the second hangout. Only being truthful.
Is it possible that your feelings and ego about the both of u are getting in the way and thats whats bothering u about the email alert?M
I went out with a VIRGIN and still asked him to get a full blood panel before we had sex. And we still used condoms most of the time, even with both of us having been tested and monogamous. Do not just trust a guy who “says he’s clean.” GROSS. Any man who would have unprotected sex with a woman he barely knows is not someone who can be trusted that he’s “clean.” And a man doesn’t have to have any respect for a woman in order to be having sex with her. You have to have respect for your own health and body. Please. Please. Please have respect for yourself. You can’t expect a stranger to give a shit about your well-being.
Holly
First of all, as other users have mentioned, many STIs can take weeks or even months to show up on test results, so you are not in the clear by any means. Second, a guy who won’t make the effort to take you out on a real date and can’t come up with a better excuse than he’s just not proactive about things sometimes, is a guy who is not worth your time, and certainly not one to trust enough to forgo condoms. You have no reason to trust that this guy will be there for you if you get pregnant, which can happen even if you are on birth control or pulling out (it has happened to me TWICE), and you are making yourself vulnerable to incurable and potentially fatal diseases. Two of my closest friends contracted genital herpes from people they’d been seeing exclusively for months, so if it can happen to them, it can happen to you. Protect yourself. Cut this man out of your life right now, and make sure to get re-tested in 90 days or so. Until then, you should probably not sleep with anyone else, in case you are infected.
Sorry if this sounds abrupt or extreme, but STIs are real and they are everywhere, and you are being careless with your body.
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