Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Is he busy or is he ghosting me?
- This topic has 3 replies and was last updated 3 years, 11 months ago by
Lane.
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Jude
Hello everyone! I will try to explain the situation and hopefully, someone might be able to help me out here.
I met this guy online last summer (July), and we started talking every day. We live really far away from each other, but I had already planned to go to his country after things were safer again, so we thought it might be a good idea to meet up.
Talking to him was fun, and we were both enjoying it. Then, towards October, I had a few work problems, and that kind of ruined things a little.
I wasn’t sleeping well, I was stressed and nervous all the time. I wanted to talk to him, but I guess my mood was terrible and he grew a little distant. Then, last month, he also went through some tough times with his family.
He stopped calling me, and we ended up arguing every other day. Finally, after Christmas, he said he wanted to take a break from talking because he needed time to get better, and I also had to work on myself. Of course, I was upset and hurt, but I accepted that.
We didn’t talk for a month, and I really did work on my life. I feel a lot better now, I have solved most of my problems, and am trying to live a healthier life. So last week I texted him again to check how he was doing. He said he was feeling a little better, but he had missed me and wanted to talk to me again.
We texted again. I was a lot more positive and I tried to be understanding when he took time to answer because he said he was still dealing with his family stuff.
I asked him if he needed more time, and he said he did, but he also didn’t want to stop talking to me. I told him it was alright, that I understood. He hasn’t answered me in a couple of days, and it’s the first time, and I know he hasn’t opened the texts yet. I am not sure if this means he is ghosting me, or if he is really busy with his life and needs more time. What do you think? How long should I wait before it’s officially ghosting and move on?tammy
you may not like what i say but i think it needs to be said. you guys have got so attached and this is just a virtual relationship. you guys have not met even once! if you guys had met atleast a couple of times and thereafter continued online due to covid, then your relationship or friendship or communication with this man to this extent made sense. but sadly as on date you guys have not even met! do you think its wise to get so invested on an online alliance? please breathe and take 10 steps back. think over this with a logical mind. if he hasn’t replied than give him space. pls dont get needy and burn his phone with messages. give it 3/4 days and if he doesn’t reply than let this go. you haven’t really lost anything cause this wasn’t even real! in the event he does revert my suggestion would be to try and play it cool relaxed and friendly and a little casual as if your communicating with a friend. till you guys actually meet in person, you need to keep your head around you.
Zoe
move on
Lane
Agree with Tammy. You are taking virtual dating far too seriously. He is not your BF or husband yet you are treating him like one. You are not his GF or wife yet you are acting like one.
Take 20 steps back and look at this realistically, in that, you have never met in real life! Real life and virtual life are two wholly separate entities, yet you are treating them as if they are the same because you don’t have a clue how men actually connect with women in real life.
Men NEED TO see and feel your presence; especially your physical attributes (waist to breast ratio, hair color/style, voice, smell, etc. before they know if you are someone they would consider being with. For men, the physical is not only a must but instant. Within nanoseconds of meeting you, in person, they can size you up and by doing so it sends a signal to their brain as to whether you are someone they not only want to f*&@ but the energy a lady puts out that sends an immediate signal to a man’s brain that will dictate how he treats her. Its the physical closeness that creates the initial emotional bond for men. Once this bond has been established, they will ‘put up’ with some negativity or bad behaviors for a short bit but once they outweighs the physical closeness (bond) he will start the process of detaching from you and falling out of love, if the man was truly in love.
He’s already witnessed your negative side to the point he removed himself because you were bringing toxicity into his life. He will be unable to recover from this, its imprinted in his brain which is why he is naturally starting the detachment process. Sure he’ll ‘talk to you’, when it suits him or he’s bored but will not put out any money or his time to meet you now and will use every excuse in the book or outright block you when you ‘push’ for it.
I would bow out before he blanks you.
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