Is he ghosting??

I am so sorry this happened to you it’s really painful. I had a similar situations where I dated someone for a couple months as well and it was going very well and I met their family. He is committed to me very early and we were trying to make a go of it. Then he backed away and didn’t talk through something that was fairly minor. He also promised that he would talk through any problems with me because I know that you need to talk about conflict resolution early in a relationship. Remember that he may have promise something he can’t deliver on, and something that he wants to be able to deliver on but just isn’t skilled up on. The fact that he’s ghosting tells you that he’s not very mature. And the fact that he’s not talking through if there was an issue also shows you that he’s not very mature. He may want to be mature and want different outcomes but he hast to be able to deliver them. It says more about him than about you. Just let them go and if he tries to come back give him not 1 inch.

Leave him alone. Don’t pretend you don’t get the message.

Hi all thank you for the input. I just really feel bamboozled. Like my gut intuition I trust it all the time and it’s been right with my other previous relationships/flings in the past. And now I just feel like it’s been derailed and I cannot trust anyone. He told me how patient he is and even when he finally kissed me it was long overdue as I wanted to jump his bones at least by date 3 but he took his time with initiating sexual stuff, and that’s why it felt natural. I truly did not get any blaring red flags whatsoever. In my head I even kept telling myself “he is not one to ghost, he will tell me his feelings”. And obviously now that’s been completely thrown off. Even my crappy ex boyfriend when I knew he was going cold on me before the breakup I just KNEW what he was doing and I FELT that in my gut. With this guy, nothing, completely out of left field. My friends say he was doing a good guy image, but I just genuinely didn’t get that it was an act. He didn’t show any other signs that made me question his intentions. Part of me thinks he’s busy or one of his ex’s reached back out, but in my gut I still feel like he would at least be a man and tell me. This is completely eradicating any mature image I had of him. A day prior to him going silent he didn’t reply until late to a text I sent and he even said “hey! Sorry I was really busy today”. So I don’t understand why then 3 hours later just utterly silent with no explanation since his previous actions has shown he is capable of explaining let alone my own inner alarms didn’t start going off until yesterday, because a couple days of no texting seemed somewhat usual. I feel so hurt. And I don’t need this extra emotional turmoil on top of everything else. My dad has stage 4 cancer, and I have other family issues, and really don’t need more stress in my life. I told him about my dad early on and he seemed to have more respect for me regarding how to handle emotions and what not. Part of me wants to go off at him, another part just wants to say the “hi how are you?” Text to at least get some closure (which he always talked about??!!) and another part just wants to say nothing but I know I will feel crappy.

sounds very painful. sorry to hear this. but you have to accept that for some reason he has changed his mind and doesn’t want to take this ahead with you anymore. even if he had something on his mind, he would have discussed his misgivings with you if he really wanted to work things out with you. but the fact that he just disappeared without a word seems to indicate that he does not want to take this with you any further.

I think you have no option but to let this go. but if you cant get over the confusion or get closure in your head, I think its ok to ask him just what went wrong for him. he may or may not answer you. or he may answer but not be entirely truthful. And regardless of his reasons, do you want to be with someone who thinks its fine to just disappear after sleeping with you and leave you to wonder? why give him that satisfaction when he was so cruel?

it will be hard but its best that you stop trying to figure what happened and try your best in putting him out of your mind. fortunately for you he flipped on you early on. if he had done this few months down the line you would have felt worst. so think that you had a lucky escape. you don’t need such men in your life.

Ugh just message the guy.

I’m feeling this right now with an ex that keeps coming and going, acting bipolar. I appreciate your words and really connect with this so thank you. People just really really suck. I’m glad to hear people understand cuz its a painful journey to accept and move on.

Hi again all,
Reading these replies have been great and it’s so nice that we can all come together to hash these things out. Today was emotionally draining and after some too much long thought I decided to send a “hey how are you” text. My reasoning became 1) if he doesn’t reply, I instantly get my answer and see him for his true spineless self and 2) if he does reply maybe it’s a chance for clarification, and an actual mature adult conversation he seemed to so pride himself on through words and actions. As of right now no reply, which I obviously can’t control. But I feel better regarding this as I have my answer, and he really thinks I look desperate or needy for sending a simple how are you text after five days of utter silence even more of an emphasis of how we are not compatible AT ALL. This sucks. I’m hurting. I cried. I feel jaded and as if I cannot trust anyone right now. But I have to keep telling myself this isn’t my fault and I did absolutely nothing wrong. For those in similar situations keep telling yourself that!!! Even with my crappy misogynistic ex boyfriend he was still able to have a conversation with me regarding a breakup and even though that hurt, i didn’t think it was a bare minimum to communicate things to end it, and saddens me that people in years worth of relationships, people still ghost. I am not sending any follow up messages unless he replies a warranted response. Took me 8 months to put myself back out there after a 6 month relationship, and now after two months hopefully it won’t take extremely long, but for right now I’m taking it easy. People show you who they are!!!!! Even though I truly didn’t believe he was one to ghost, I had an inkling he was a bit of a narcissist. Probably was right.

So you didn’t listen to the advice that he already indicated he had gone off you. If a man isn’t chasing you, he’s running from you.

Learn from this.

what if he does reply, but gives a one-word reply? does this constitute ghosting?

Haley sounds like a reasonable and nice girl, i think you certainly deserve better than a guy who chooses to walk out on you like that. If he doesn’t turn around, it’s time for you to cut your losses short and move on. His loss, not yours!

I’m sure there’s a better guy out there for you, and when you look back, you have to thank these guys for walking out on you, otherwise, it wouldn’t freed you to be with the right guy!

keep the faith

Also, you can harden and not let it bother you as some people suggest, but the catch 22 is that men want to see vulnerability in women. So you can be an unbothered carefree busy women while dating, and it works to a point, then a guy wants you to let your guard down or you get marked as cold/icy/masculine. And when you let your guard down, that’s when ghosting hurts.

Ugh, so sorry this happened to you.

Hi all. He replied 3 hours later with a “Hi! I’m good.” Then another message of “I do kinda want to chat if you can”. So there you have it. I still feel awful because I had to basically initiate this like judging him to wake up. At the same time I feel like cattle getting ready to get slaughtered. I’m not replying until later today as I do not have time until late afternoon, but I’m going to tell him tomorrow because that is my only easy day of classes. I feel sick to my stomach.

At 2 months in- great response Lala. That’s what I would say.