Is he ghosting or just busy?

Yes. I do want a committed relationship. We have so much fun together, and he seems to be into me. The thing is, I remembered last time we were together I told him how much I liked it when he texted me. He’s not that very communicative, at least not like me. And, I told him that I wasn’t sure who was doing the chasing in our relationship, meaning that his texts are far and few between. He told me that he doesn’t chase, and that if he was going to chase anyone that it would be me, but he just isn’t that way…??? Could he really be that shy, or passive? I make more than him, but money is not important to me. we are in our 40s, both divorced.

I completely disagree, no offense Juliette, please the worst thing would be to start calling a man or gifting him when he is not interested. The guy is obviously disinterested because he has not even responded to texts initiated by you over a week ago. Sorry but when a man is into you, whether they are passive, insecure or not, they will respond just about right away. A few hours ok due to work but not more than that and not often. Also, they should be the ones to initiate the majority of the time, I mean 99%. I only initiate once there is a relationship already in place and it has lasted a bit and it is fully committed. Even then I mostly wait for the guy since that is how you can find out how much he is really interested. It is not bad to occasionally initiate and reassure in a serious relationship but leave the chasing to the guy. I do think this guy is unreliable sorry.

Im sorry i could not help. :(Now i fell bad for making things worse.:(

Gemini615, the thing is that last time we were together (last week and before) he would say things to me like “lets hope you stick around at least to the end of the year” jokingly, and he has talked about bringing a flatscreen over for us to use (I don’t have a tv currently). All signs pointed towards a deeper relationship. I even told him last week that I didn’t expect to see him at all during October (cause, you know I knew he would be very busy) and replied “and yet, you’ve seen me twice this month so far).

Could it be that he is just not texting because he knows he won’t be able to see me until this temp job ends? I’ve known guys that texted me a whole lot more – did all the right things and I wound up being hurt more by their actions because I invested more during all that communication.

So, if I do hear from him at the beginning on November, should I just act like nothing happened? Not let on that I was obsessing over this relationship?

Also, I feel you are accepting crumbs. Twice in one month and he’s acting like you should be grateful that he made time for you twice within 4 weeks? Please.

I just don’t see why women feel they should always wait on a guy…wait for him to change, wait for him to make more time, wait for him to finally commit to you. It’s so silly. You could be dating so many other guys right now that have more than enough time to spend with you and date you and take you out and really get to know you. I just don’t see why you’re letting this guy call all the shots when it’s clear you aren’t totally comfortable with the amount of time and effort he’s giving.

Gemini is so right! It seems to me you are missing a HUGE point here. That is that if he can’t see you because of work he should be communicating that with you!! Instead you are sitting here wondering if he ghosted, wondering the status of your relationship, wondering if he’s just busy. A man who cares about you should let you know what’s going on. He would be telling you he misses you and how much he’s looking forward to seeing you when the crunch time is over, etc. He’s giving you nothing.

Gemini615, you said it right!!! Why, why, why women do those things especially with those men who are obviously emotionally immature and emotionally unavailable…because some women let them with the hopes they can be fixed, changed, rehabilitated, etc… No, no, no. Men are simple creatures. We should enjoy them for what they bring to the table and kick them to the curb when they stop being fun and cause us to go to forums like this, hold a tribunal with our friends who would listen to our ever pressing questions of why he hasn’t texted, called, seen you in a week when everything is just do perfect…we analyze every single words, behavior, actions. How about just chill and enjoy those good moments but keep your independent self. Men do no analyze our words an actions, they just keep interacting with us and they figure if we’re happy, they’re good. If we’re unhappy, we should tell them why and then let them step it up or step out.

love this thread.

Agreed with much of what’s being said but wanna re iterate how much FUN it is to be the one chased or sought after. Busy or not, if he’s just NOT communicating at all that’s no good.

My friend of almost a year, right before his shift changed, he laid out the new schedule for me and let me know that he didn’t know how soon we’d be able to get together but he did keep in touch over that time. It seemed like forever since I wasn’t seeing him as frequently but I appreciated the updates n such. I also thought he was ghosting on me but came to this forum and got a different perspective.

3months is not that long and your still in the establishing stages, this lack of convo would really turn me off though.

Teri, you are so right about how much fun it is to be chased by a guy. As I said earlier, I date a busy guy. It hasn’t always been easy but you know when they are stepping up to show you’re a priority. For instance, my guy got a call yesterday that one of his employees was sick so he had to take his place and leave out of town last minute. He still managed to come by my office to see me before he left. He called me this morning and I found out he got 4 hours of sleep last night and is already driving back to get here late afternoon in time for an anniversary party he had agreed to go to with me. I told him not to worry about it. That it wasn’t that important and he was going to be worn out and I could just stop by for a little while and make an appearance. He said sweetie, I told you I would go and I wouldn’t miss if for the world. Awe. :) That’s what you want!! Please don’t settle for crumbs from some guy when you can have so much more!!

@kaye & Sunisrising – That’s what I’m talking about. I can go on and on about how great a feeling it is to be the one pursued and know without a doubt that this is a good thing.

We do have more control over this than we think and than we give ourselves credit for. when school started I told my guy that my son has soccer again and so I’ll be busy with that 2x week and on game days (saturdays) his first instinct was to ask me when his game is so he can carve out time to attend. He called me the morning of to let me know he took off that half day from work for me/my son :). unfortunately the weather was in climate and so it cancelled. but the thought of him acting on what he says is a huge turn on for me and should be for all of us. Sorry but nothing less will do for me now.

Yes words are just words until they come to fruition. I learned that the hard way until I met him and he showed me something new/different. If he can’t make our plans for whatever reason he makes it up to me all the time. All the while keeping me abreast to his day to day activities.

He’s a business owner but also works for the government so you can imagine how busy he can get. I’m also single mom so that alone has its time challenges. Bottom line, never be too busy to make time for the one you love/like/admire whatever.

Kaye and Sunisrising,
Do your man have any single bother or cousins that can introduce to me?

Lol

Juliette, don’t feel bad sweetie (you remind me of my daughter) you are young so just read the forums on here and follow the advice on here. Learn from our mistakes., This will help you mature into a stronger woman!

Sunisrising- I had a FWB situation that lasted three years. I kept hoping it would turn into something more but I was too blind to see the truth. No contact in between, promises of dates that never happened, intimate conversations and a connection I never felt with anyone. Me only going over for sex when he would text me. I used to think, he doesn’t tell me to leave after sex and we cuddle and have very intimate conversations so he must really like me.. This went on for three years until he stopped contacting me. He dissapered. He was getting easy sex so of course he kept coming back. Until he found someone whom he really liked.