Is he ghosting or just busy?

So it sounds like you are just FWB’s, and you said not exclusive. It doesn’t sound like he is doing anything to show he is more serious about you. Words are easy and mean nothing if he doesn’t actually do anything to match it with actions.

If you start out seeing each other just for casual sex, that’s usually how it remains. Did you tell him upfront what you were looking for?As in a serious, committed relationship? If you did, it sounds like you accepted less than you wanted, which tells a guy you don’t have strong boundaries and that you will take what he gives, even if it’s scraps.

If you didn’t set the boundaries up front that makes it tougher for you, because he is allowed to think he can give the bare minimum, since you didnt specify. It’s hard to turn this around. You have to be prepared to walk (and do it!) if he doesn’t want more and you do.

too late…I sent it, but omitted the “sorry” word, cause I’m not really sorry. I AM prepared to walk away now. It hurts like hell…

Sonia. that is my biggest fear, that he will contact me and I will be weak. I’m sorry that happened to you, and you are right in that the longer he is around the more it will hurt in the end.

At this point, I guess I felt like I didn’t have anything to lose. If he did ghost, than my text wouldn’t make any difference, except for me to feel maybe some closure or control over things. The only acceptable thing now would be for him to reply that he is sorry…he messed up, etc. Otherwise, where can things go forward. I really thought we had a connection…but I’m sure his ex-wives thought so too. LOL. The sex was incredibly hot and I will really miss that. Now I have to thing of things to do for myself cause its going to really suck to be alone during the holidays. I am incredibly sad over this…did not see this coming at all. I really did think he was different, I thought this was it.

So of course, no reply to my text. I was holding out hope that he would reply with professions of “like” and apologize to me for his behavior…tell me that he never wants me out of his life…that I am special. I am devastated — I know I will get strength from this eventually but for now I’m depressed. It hurts like hell.

SthrnBelle: I did send the text as closure. I knew once I hit send, that was it. I probably would never hear from him again. That’s the sad part…but I know I will be okay. It’s kind of like walking on hot coals I would imagine…I mean I know I have to start by putting my feet on the coals…and go through the middle and hell to come out the other end. I knew my text would be the starting point of me grieving what I thought might have been…I think I’m still in the denial stage…

Next time sit on it before you hit the send botton if you plan to send similar text to someone else.

I am sorry that I have a feeling that you will continue to send without taking your time to digest before the send botton.

I really hope you take ample time to reflect what you could have react on situation like this in the future – it can also be self inflicted wounds. I meant it in a good way.

Off dating for a while and gain more perspective on yourself before acting so dramatic – don’t forget your actions hurt yourself too. Be a lovely person first before someone else fall in love with you . Go to hell is not lovely … I am not debating whether he deserves that or not. It is much better than you can handle the situation classier.

This guy did not reply to your TWO texts already, why, just why did you feel compelled to send yet another one? To give him an ego boost? To make him feel good knowing that you are suffering?..”unless you were not thinking of me at all”. This shows pain and anguish. He ghosted, and he knows that he did. This is not accidental.

Please don’t take my words in the wrong way. I feel pain for you, visualizing his self-complacent smirk when he for your text.

Guys who ghost like that are jerks, and jerks enjoy hurting people. They really do. So why give him this opportunity?

If you just can’t control your impulses, at least do not reveal your pain. Say ‘haha. I guess you ghosted. wow, this is really good manners dude. and very brave too. well, I wish you good luck in your future relationships with women. I am glad you showed your true face”. – I know this is RUDE, but so what? it sets the power balance right. he can’t walk around being proud of himself that some woman out there is “chasing” him.

I agree that being in pain is not a weakness, but does HE have to know you are in pain? He has already behaved towards you like a jerk, inconsiderate and coward and also sadistic. Anyone over 12 knows that things like that are just nasty and cruel towards others. We women should learn not to be heartbroken when we discover that the person we liked is a rascal.

Do not be heartbroken, be thankful it’s been 3 months only.

I know how hard it is, I’ve been there myself, still am, just about 2 months today, but it is getting much better. Much better, and I am glad that i did not give him the satisfaction of knowing how badly he hurt me. Every time he’d say something degrading or insulting to me (no swearing or anything but insulting in essence), he’d have a happy smirk on his face noticing he hurt me. Yes, he would have other problems in life, guaranteed, including with women, but why should I give him the satisfaction. It does boost their ego, I am serious. I was stunned to discover this. I just could not comprehend how it is hurting another person for no good reason makes YOU feel better about yourself, but it does. My guy interprets all this as me “chasing” him. It is very funny because I barely initiated anything with him throughout our whole story.

Anger, insecurities, inflated ego, general meanness. NOT a nice guy at all. A dick of a guy actually. You will find someone better next time, guaranteed, ESPECIALLY because now you know what not to do and what to watch for. I am sure if you look back, you’ll see some red flags that you overlooked. I know I did. Several of them. had I paid attention to them, I would have spared myself an incredible amount of pain, that’s why I am telling you not to expose you feelings and vulnerabilities to this person. In any way.

Next time, do not volunteer men any feelings before they do that to you. Unfortunately, this old traditional “grandma” rules still apply.