Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Is he interested in a second date?
- This topic has 3 replies and was last updated 3 years, 9 months ago by
Lane.
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Lucy Mac
Hi all,
I [23F] went on a date about a week and half ago with this guy [24M] that I’d be talking to for a while on Instagram, and the date went really well. We went to coffee and talked for about 3/4 hours with no awkwardness at all, and we had a lot in common. I wasn’t sure if it was just friend vibes or not so I’m interested in going on a second date to see. Since then we’ve messaged a fair bit, usually he initiates the conversations, but I have too, and the chat is pretty basic and not too interesting- we definitely had more to talk about in person. It’s not very flirty at all, but I would put that down to us two trying to figure it out and I would say he is somewhat shy.
I asked him out the first time, and he has not asked me out again – yet he does message me so seems interested.
Is he really interested? and what should I do? I obviously would prefer if he asked me out this time so I know that he is interested too, and because I feel like I’ve taken my ‘turn’, but I’m not sure if he will. I also think he might think I’m not interested romantically, which is somewhat true as I’m not sure yet and I’m hoping a second meeting will help with that.
Advice is much appreciated!Raven
Sorry, after a week.5- he’s not asked you out, he’s not interested…
mama
If he’s shy he may still be interested but I don’t think it matters — he’s not going to take a shot and ask you out. Per your post, you want a guy who will take the lead and ask you out, and this guy doesn’t sound like he is able to do that (due to lack of courage, shyness, whatever). Do you really want to be the one constantly asking him out, and leading the relationship? If not, maybe friend zone him because he’s actually already put himself there.
Lane
There are going to be many guys who simply won’t ‘take the lead’ so to speak. It could be their personality (Beta guy), shyness, passiveness, afraid of rejection, prefers to get to know a lady on a non-romantic level first, or just plain not interested in you romantically.
Whatever the reason, I personally thinks its far better to get to know someone non-romantically first, as you can pre-screen them to get a better idea about their character, goals/ambitions, likes/dislikes etc. to determine if you are even compatible in the way you need to be with a partner to make it over the long haul. BUT you have to do it in person or so you can have the verbal (tone, inflection) and non-verbal (expressions, body language) in order to determine if you are wasting your time, or to weed them out.
If you feel comfortable asking him out, then do it. However you need to get to ‘the guts’ quickly or you’ll be spinning your wheels going nowhere.
Set up an activity, such as mini-golf (men love to play), and start asking questions such as “When was your last relationship?” (could be in rebound zone) “How many ladies have you asked on a date in the past year?” (How often is he dating/asking ladies out) “What are your thoughts on marriage?” (May not be close to that level of commitment or even want it).
The best method is to ask a few soft ones first, such as “Do you like your job?” What’s your favorite Hobby?” “How many siblings do you have?” then throw in a hard one (like those I listed above) to get a good feel for the guy to determine if he’s even a good dating prospect. If he doesn’t step up, then you step out, because there are lots of other guys you should be meeting who will want to date you when you both like each other enough to move into the romantic realm :o)
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