Is he just not into me? Mixed messages…

Breath…
Take a step back-

What would happen if you stopped initiating?
He just might step up.

Remember, he said he likes his alone time…

It seems like you have taken the role of the pursuer. In the first several months the man should be making much more of an effort, and putting his best foot forward.

Stop chasing him and see what he does. One of the biggest ways women get hurt is choosing a man they hardly know, without stepping back to impartially observe and see if he really is a good fit in all the ways needed for you to connect in a relationship (if that is your goal). He isn’t doing anything from the sounds of it.

I’d stop initiating and see if he steps up, if he doesn’t I would not drag this out. Six weeks (or a few months) are at the very beginning of the honeymoon period. Men get caught up in the lust, and infatuation. That is why during the 3-6 month mark so many women are hurt when the guy says he doesn’t see a future. He’s just starting to decide if this is going somewhere (if once the infatuation wears, off he really likes and connects with you on a deeper level). When they don’t, they call it quits.

We need to be the ones to step back and pace the relationship. The man needs to be a man and make an effort. Otherwise you have no idea where you stand, and get too caught up too quickly.

Get busy with your own life and friends and make him MAKE TIME (and real effort) to see you and be part of your life.

If he doesn’t, you have your answer and can and should move on.

In six weeks you really don’t know him, right now it’s mostly smoke, mirrors, and sex clouding your mind.

Some men introduce women to friends and family without it meaning anything, others only if it’s serious. So you can’t judge anything by that alone.

How do you judge a guy’s interest? You watch if words and actions match, consistently, and if he continues to pursue and make a real effort. If he doesn’t, that is very telling, and how you know it’s time to exit.

He doesnt seem not interested, he makes plans to see you and he is consistent.
It looks like he compartimentalizes: work, kids, you, alone time. He might be happy with that.
But you want to speed up and getting into gf mode. Slow down. Its only been 6 weeks. Like the others say, give him some space to fill and dont expect him to text every day. Lots of guys dont like that. Your worst mistake will be getting into chasing mode. Thats a 100% game over. So chill and see how the next 6 weeks are. If he falls for you, you will notice

If you have read on this forum its not uncommon that Guus disappear between 2 months and 4 months because they realize after the first attraction wears off they not want to continue. That might be the case but you will find out soon enough if that is the case.
Concerning work, i think thats meaningless. He is at work, so even if he is in the suite, there might be 100 work reasons why he doesnt want to have lunch. The dont chase advice is also given you, because not only is it a turn off for mem its also a tool to gauge his interest level.

Also, you became intimate very soon with this guy and that is not the best move in these days of swiping away dating. Women tend to get hooked on love hormones and see the wedding bells already when they really dont know the guy yet. Even if he is not dating others now, he know he has options as do you. You had the talk last weekend and that might have caused him to ask himself what he really wants and that a step back. Thats why you need to pace tor level of interest.

You need to pull away. If he knows you know and he is not even saying anything, this is a signal for you. It does not mean he lost interest, but it is a signal. Maybe he wants to slow the pace. You moved too fast. 6 weeks is for teenagers, adults take much longer usually. They want to get to know each other, wait before jumping in bed, enjoy the early stages before you settle into a routine “coupley” dynamic. he probably wants to revert to that a little.

I’d stop initiating, stop contacting him and see if he steps up. And when he does, only when I see him in person, I’d ask about that visit where he didn’t even stop by to say hi. I’d say, you were here last week weren’t you? I thought I’d hear from you… but with a nice tone, not as an accusation.. and then pay attention to what he is going to say and especially how, observe his facial expressions and his body language, those would tell you more than his words. I doubt he’d admit that he wants to slow the pace down, even if he does, so he’d say something to console you, but you’d be able to tell how sincere it is.

If he doesn’t contact you, do not do it yourself.

If something like that happens again, I suggest you stop being available to him, reschedule his invitation or take a rain cheque, and also start looking around. LOL

For what it’s worth, I would say I initiated the exclusivity convo, just sort of mentioned to him as we were talking about our friends who multidate. And I never asked him to take his profile down. Mine is still up as well, but I’m not even actively looking or talking to anyone on there. I make come off as needy but I doubt I am to him… I only text him every 2-3 days, and usually it’s a couple of messages back and forth and it ends. I don’t bombard him with messages all day every day. When it comes to planning dates, he usually initiated and it’s in person. He will mention seeing me on such and such day. This is the first time I’ve asked him to join me for lunch. The first time, he asked last week so I don’t think me asking him would come across as that needy.

Just pull back. Don’t be too available. If he plans something, tell him you have plans and make them.

The reason I mention the trip is because if you are extremely warm, hot even, but not TOO AVAILABLE, he will want to work to impress you.

Or maybe you will find he’s the kind of guy who is too busy with the kid, or too self focused to bother to impress.

Like your boyfriend, I too enjoy alone time. I prefer it. When I’m alone, honestly I’m not even considering talking to anyone because want to be alone. My best friend has to reach out and tell me she misses me and it registers that oh, maybe I’ve been spending too much time alone and make plans or an effort to see her. I’m used to spending time alone doing things I enjoy on my own. When I get over stimulated by others or kids it’s really important to me that I get time to myself. Maybe your boyfriend is the same? What’s wrong with reaching out with an I miss you text and seeing what happens?

Thank you all. I think I’m just really having a hard time because I know he will be around tomorrow but I haven’t heard anything from him at all today.

Now I do have some clarity that perhaps he just doesn’t want to mix business with pleasure but at the same time, he did ask me to lunch last week when he was around. I haven’t heard a peep from him today and I know he doesn’t have his kids tonight. Maybe he’s enjoying his alone time, maybe he’s on a date with someone else. My mind is wandering and I’m not feeling good about this. I just feel like he would’ve at least reached out by now.

I’m a bit sad knowing we have no plans on a Friday we have free- for the first time since we met. My anxiety is kicking in that maybe he met someone else and may be meeting her, and still wondering if our plans are still on for Saturday. It’s a bad feeling, I’m not liking it too much.

Lexy, I understand you really like this guy but you have to remind yourself that he’s SINGLE and is allowed to do “what he wants, when he wants, anytime he wants and with whomever he wants” as are you!

Your starting to act like a clingy GF but he has NOT made his mind up about you yet so you need to step back and carefully watch, listen, observe and treat him like any other stranger you meet and getting to know.

He likes his space and is not a big texter, these are things you KNOW about him so why are you getting all wound up over it? This is called ACCEPTANCE and if you can’t accept a man who likes space or text a lot then date a man who does. This is what dating’s about, sussing each other out to see how you fit together naturally and organically—not via a contraption called a phone.

A man who is planning time to SPEND with you is interested! A man’s TIME is the most precious gift he gives to those he likes, care for or loves. Your using the wrong measurement of interest as a man can be texting 5 ladies at a time, telling them all the same thing so it means diddly which is why you need to focus on the TIME you DO SPEND together….the more positive they are the more he’ll want to spend with you.

Also remind your self he works and has children he’s raising so you are not going to be his number one priority. A man’s career/job is a priority as it pays the bills; his kids are a priority because parenting is a job too and dating falls lower on the ‘list of priorities’
and something he DOES when he has some extra time and need to be mindful of this.

It sounds like he’s interested but your “vibe” could kill his attraction if he feels your unhappy about what he does do (spend time) and only focusing on what he doesn’t (text). Just relax, enjoy the time you spend together and let it flow organically. I would still be meeting and dating others too because if he comes to determine dating’s another chore or job he has to do, on top of everything else, he’ll drop you.