Home › Forums › Did He Lose Interest? › Is he just using me?
- This topic has 19 replies and was last updated 3 years, 8 months ago by
T from NY.
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Marie
This man and i have been dating since Mid August. He used to text me and call me everyday and tell me “good morning”. We used to meet once a week and now we see each other once a month. He is a divorced dad and has the kids pretty much full time. I noticed things started to get a little stale once we had sex for the first time. It seemed everything changed all of sudden. I decided to play it cool for two months. Finally i asked him if he was seeing someone else and he said “honestly, yes. But it was someone i used to date and we have this undeniable connection.” Somehow it didnt work out for them again because she moved. I finally asked when i would meet his kids and he said “i dont think i see myself with you.” Which im glad for the honesty finally. We didnt talk for two weeks. He finally reached out after i had been silent for 2 weeks. I feel like i should move on but i find it so hard!
Newbie
You are seriously In denial about this guy. He is not using you. He told he is not interested in anything remotely serious with you. Why can you hear that and act accordingly? You wrote down he doesnt want anything. Just ignore him and accept its not going to happen and move on
Gaia
Do you want to be his placeholder girlfriend until he finds the one he wants to be with long term? If no, then just cut off all contact. You deserve someone who treats you better than a back pocket girl.
Marie
Its crazy because he watches all my stories on snapchat and facebook and still likes photos of mine on facebook. He randomly called me monday night after he got off work but then the conversation turned sexual again. I know hes probably just using me. Im having a hard time accepting this and moving on.
Raven
You are his fall back girl & you are allowing what ever is happening to happen…
Marie
He once mentioned that the reason he got divorced was because his wife cheated on him. He had a phase where he slept with quite a few people afterwards. Then he had a gf for a while and she cheated on him too. Im seeing a pattern here. Maybe they all cheated on him because of his lack of attention/effort in the relationships.
Newbie
He is not using you. He has been clear he wants nothing real and dates other people. You are letting yourself being used. Besides from the fact he probably has zero respect for that, so it actually backfires, you lose respect for yourself too. Sorry to be so harsh. But the good thing is, you can stop being a doormat right now and build on your boundaries so you wont accept cr/ap from any men
And i saw you last post: maybe they didnt cheat, maybe he made it all up so he had a poor sob story to wheel women in
Marie
My friends and you are right. I need to stop being a doormat and block his ass. I did notice that he keeps liking one girls stuff in particular on facebook, which means hes probably interested in her. What sucks too is i always drive out to his place. He never makes an effort since im a sure thing. Thanks for your blunt honesty newbie! Time for me to move on and move forward.
Tallspicy
Probably? Where is your self love?
Marie
yeah i talked to one of my older guy friends, im 29 and hes 48 and he told me to block this guy. Hes only using me for sex and i come running anytime he texts me or calls me. I need to stop this stupid behavior. I deserve way better than to be treated like im second best.
T from NY
The only time a man “uses” you is if he lies straight to your face about what the relationship is, takes what they want, you find out and they lie again OR they admit they never saw a future with you. Nothing remotely like that has happened here!
Also – stop demonizing this guy. He’s an adult and free to chat up you, or any other woman, all he pleases – daily, monthly or never. He’s also free to seek casual encounters, or short mini romances. Men seeking just sex until they’re ready for a relationship or just want to seek sex is COMPLETELY OKAY.
Just as it’s completely okay for you to seek something long term and deeper.Being a lady that loves herself mean you don’t go too far physically or communicate with someone so often if you’re not in a committed, exclusive relationship if you can’t handle the inconsistency or changes. Stop stalking another adults social media just because they stopped talking to you. I wish you peace !and hard work! putting in the hours of self love to help you understand all this for next time.
Newbie
Then why do you do it? You dont listen to your friend, you know perfectly fine its not going anyway. You are letting yourself be humiliated running to a guy for a roll in the hay. And he is almost 20 years older and probably a lousy lover.
So if you get the answer of why you do this, you may have a start of stopping this and actually learn how to date decent and interested guys. Youre 29, now is the time to get it right
Newbie
And, and this is the last nasty thing ill say, hoping you will see the light for real. To this guy youre not even close to second best.
Marie
The reason i say “used” is because from the beginning we had the conversation that we both wanted a long term relationship. He talked about a future for us together with his kids. I guess i got sucked up into the nonsense. I also think he might have his own issues he might not be willing/wanting to talk about and thats totally fine. I think its best for me to move on and find someone who is willing to put the same amount of effort into things as i am.
tammy
you got sucked in, is fine. problem is that your still going on and on about how bad he is and how hes suing you. if you think he is, why are you even entertaining him? he is not a drug that you need to survive. he cheated on you. and he told you. he also told you he doesnt see a future with you. yet your still not ready to let this go? what will it take for you to let go? think abt that. and if you feel hes using you, why r u letting him? hes calling you bec he is at a loose end. thats all. the min he finds smone he fancies, he will be gone. he is just filling up his time and boredom with you. just cut him out .
Marie
Oh most defiantly. Im the catch not him. Im a single women no kids and no debt. I deserve so much better than to be someones second choice. I am going to move on and find someone who’s worth my time and effort.
tammy
thats the right decision. all the best
Marie
So he finally broke up with me officially a week ago yesterday. He ended up blocking my phone number and blocking me on facebook. Then as i was cleaning out messages on facebook i saw our old messages and noticed he unblocked me. Today i saw his page again and noticed he changed his status to “in a relationship”. Why even unblock me and pull this kinda junk? Im so over his games.
Side note: after posting on here i didnt contact him for weeks and he told me he moved on since i didnt talk to him. Why the heck should women initiate everything! Hes so lazy.
mama
Marie, you talk a good talk but you have to put action behind those words in order to believe them for yourself. If you are the catch, if you deserve better than second place, then act like it. You should have blocked him, erased him from your life, not leave all this up to him to decide. But instead we hear that he “officially” broke up with you, and that you are playing these stupid games of FB stalking him again. Nothing has changed in terms of your mindset. I’m sorry to point this out harshly, but he’s not your problem, you are.
I suggest maybe talking to a therapist/counselor that will help you see the connection between your self worth and actions.
Delete his number, block him and get him out of your life completely.
T from NY
I don’t even know why you write into a forum if you’re not going to listen or ponder on any of the replies. Why are you taking time to tell us what this poor man is doing? (Blocking or unblocking you). He was honest. He told you he wasn’t feeling a future with you with WORDS. He showed you he wasn’t interested in anything except casual unless you reached out with his ACTIONS. He never used you. He was completely upstanding and has now found someone he wants to date. It sucks when someone we like doesn’t want to provide a commitment – but it has NOTHING to do with your self worth. It’s just the risks of dating. Have you ever pondered that him going away might be the best for you because when you’re healthy you want someone to like you as much as you like them, be consistent and show investment. Great risks reap rewards when we are true to ourselves.
Stop and think before you act. Stop looking at old messages, checking his status and turn your focus and all your current energies to you and loving yourself better.
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