Home › Forums › Texting Advice › Is he losing interest or just a slow dater?
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 2 years, 3 months ago by
Tallspicy.
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Nati04
I met a man 4 weeks ago, he’s 41, I’m 38. We had a great first date, we didn’t want to end it but I had a birthday party to go to. We meet again the next day, went for a swim and things got a little physical. Overall we talked a lot, he asked a lot of questions about my background, past relationships, my family, what i want out of a relationship.
After 6 hours together we went home and decided to meet for dinner the following weekend. We had said we would meet on Saturday but no plan from his side, and barely any text, just responding to me briefly, so on Friday I asked if we were still on since no news on that matter.
We met the next day and he told me wasn’t a big texter. I shared the fact that it felt like a lack of interest and he asked if I still felt the same while he was with me and I told him no, he genuinely seemed happy to be there and interested. We had an amazing date night but it’s always the same thing… he will talk about meeting again, make no set plans until the last minute and it makes me anxious, we met another 2 times but he regularly takes 24h to respond to a text when he knows we don’t have a date planned which feels so disrespectful to me.Am I wrong to assume that his attitude in between dates is telling of his intentions or should I just be patient and see how things evolve for another month or so? I just don’t feel like a priority for him (yet?). He remembers everything I tell about my, my life, my birthday, brought homemade cookies to feed me on our date, so he pays attention at least but not really into asking how I’m doing in general.
I have never enjoyed dates as much as with him and was clear that I wanted a relationship with him as somehow he thought I was only looking for a fling…
I obviously have an anxious attachment style so it doesn’t help!
Ewa
he is 41, he might not be a big texter and you’ve only just met. You should be dating other people, that way you won’t even notice how long it takes him to get back to you. It looks like you are chasing him a little bit, he should be the one asking if we are still on. Unless you want to be the one taking initiative all the time , he is not your man.
when I met my bf he wasn’t texting between the dates much but he was still texting everyday just to see how my day was.
If i were you I’d set up a date and stop contacting him and see if he reaches out on the day or the day before your date, if not you will have your answer.Ewa
also piece of advice, never tell a man that you feel he is not interested, no man will ever tell you : yes you are right I am not. You put power in his hands , that way he knows you are more interested that he is. I know having anxious attachment style doesn’t help, but please keep your fears and thoughts to yourself , unless you really know a man don’t let him know that you fear losing him.
Nati04
Thank you Ewa, you are right, I should date other men but unfortunately I am so uninterested in dating anyone else that it would be unfair to those guys..! :)
I didn’t share my fears per se with him but he noticed himself he wasn’t meeting my expectations in terms of texting and mentioned it, apparently I’m not the first one to tell him this.
He did come back the day before or same day in general but for me that’s already too late, I wanna know he is making plans, not just always staying spontaneous.
I’ll stop initiating and will see how it goes. I definitely don’t want to be the one initiating constantly. He knows I have 2 tickets for a movie night in a week so if he doesn’t confirm or mention it, that’ll be it. It’s a patience exercise but worth it I guess
Tallspicy
Oh Lordy! The single biggest thing someone anxiously attached can do it date a man who is securely attached.
Do you want to repeat bad dynamics or do you want something real and better?
This man is showing you by 3 dates he is going to be hands off, not plan dates and leave you hanging by the phone. By 3 dates it should be escalating and he thought you wanted a hook up? Projection much?
You don’t want to date others? It is questionable if you have done the work to be in a healthy relationship. You already feel disrespected and instead of going, I deserve better, you are thinking… more please. This is not about him, it is about you.
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