Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Is he over her? I don’t know what to think
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Jessycah.
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nina
Hey Everyone
I have been dating this guy for a month and need your help. We have seen each other a few times. He is smart and nice, and we do have good chemistry. He is going through a divorce and he told me they are finalizing it. However he did talk about his ex and complained at first and it did annoy me because we are on a date and I am giving you my time, I don’t think it’s right to talk about your ex, you should only be focused on getting to know me! Anyway, he got the message at first but he told me that he had a conversation with her and she messed with his emotions a lot it was difficult and to be honest I don’t like that she still has such an influence on him it scares me. I know I am still a stranger to him but I need to protect myself. So I asked him if he was over this relationship he said it was complicated and he couldn’t explain it their marriage was very troubled but he did not love her and he blocked her number many times but she kept on finding ways to call him. Also it’s not like he is reassuring me about how much he likes me or wheither he wants something with me or not. I don’t know what to think and to do, can anyone please help me?nina
And non they don’t have kids together
Maddie
There’s two issues someone going through a divorce needs to tackle: getting over the ex is one, getting over the failure of the marriage is another. Some people lose their identity in the marriage, and it is very difficult to reconcile no longer being part of a couple and how society will treat them differently once they are single. So even if they’re over the ex, they still need to process everything, mourn the loss of the marriage and the future they thought they were building, and rebuild their identity. Someone who still responds to talking to their ex with very strong emotions isn’t over either of those two things yet. I’d stop seeing him because he’s not in the right head space and will waste your time by being emotionally unavailable. If he’s ever ready for real, he might look you up again and then it won’t seem confusing and like the ex is still a conversation topic.
Raven
Do not date a newly divorced man!
He needs at least a year & then some.
Take the number of years they were together & divide by 3 or 4 – That’s the healing’ time.
Raven
Oh! They’re STILL MARRIED. So NO he’s not over her- You are in Rebound City Limits
Raven
& seriously, do you really want a newly divorced man?
Nina
well I didn’t want to judge him we all had failed relationships and he made it sound that his divorce was a done deal. I didn’t think it was still so complicated. When I think of it he is not over her, he told me about the time how she posted a picture (that he could only see) of her with a half naked men in the background. And he thought it was a way for her to make him jalouse (maybe it was I don’t know) but the real question is why do you care ?! Anyway I know dating people going through a divorce is a gamble and it totally backfired on me! The real question is why don’t I want something better for me ? He keeps on contacting me but he has the audacity to be cold. I am disappointed in myself why do I keep on giving these people chances… people that are not good for me
Jessycah
Guy says more than one or two sentences about an ex on our first date (or anything super critical about her even if it’s short) and he doesn’t get a second date. Dead giveaway he’s not over her. I’m not interested. I no longer give benefit of the doubt in this area. Guys can be really good at playing off, oh I’m done with her and it’s all over and then you come to find out they were lying. My rule is now, if you’re still talking about her that much, that’s the proof you aren’t really done.
Throw this one back Nina. He’s not even close to ready to move on and date. Why don’t you want something better for you – maybe you don’t think it’s possible and you have no choice but to put up with this crap? You’re too willing to compromise your standards. Set your standards and stick to them. Why are you allowing him access to you? Tell him you’re not interested and BLOCK. And don’t look back.
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