Is he playing me?

I met a guy online last year. He was lovely and we really hit it off. Just as I was thinking this could be the guy for me he dropped it on me he was still married. They have been seperated for several years but not divorced. He claimed he’d never found anyone to make him want to get a divorce and of course I said “Well it sounds like you’re still in love with your ex and I don’t want to be with someone who is just settling for me.” He said he meant it in financial terms because he couldn’t afford the cost of divorce and asked me to give him a chance. Because I really did like him I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. It’s been almost a year and he still hasn’t filed. Not only that but his Facebook is filled with photos of her and them together but he’s never posted anything of me and while I don’t expect him to go through deleting things I do wonder why he has them but none of me. Does he not love me like that? He claimed he deleted them when I didn’t ask him to but he didn’t so why lie about that? They have kids so obviously need to have contact but they talk daily about things unrelated to the kids. He tells me he wants to live with me and marry me yet won’t get divorced and when I asked him to move in he said he’s not ready to fully commit until atheist a year and that knocked me back cause I though we were committed and he’s expecting me to wait around until he decides I’m good enough. He said he just meant moving in but that he is exclusive to only me and only wants me but I feel like he’s breadcrumbing and love bombing just to have me as a time filler. I don’t know what to do to find out if I’m overthinking or if I’m right. I don’t want to argue but he gets defensive if I try to talk. I’ve wasted 20 years on men who use and abuse and I don’t want to go through that again. How can I find out what he really wants without it becoming an argument? How can I have him make a choice between me and staying married to his ex without him thinking I’m attacking him. I don’t want to pressure him but I also don’t want to be the backup plan and used. I just want peace and happiness, no doubts or questions, no ex drama.