Is he pushing me away? What do you think I should do?

Almost 10 days Emma! I’m so proud of myself. I just texted my best friend that I’m feeling so good today. Realized Ive been able to go about my life not caring whether/ if he is going to reach out to me/ text me. It feels quite liberating. I haven’t messaged or texted or snapped or called or anything. I shall celebrate my going to Covent Garden and getting some ice-cream or smth! (yes in this weather).

I don’t want what he was offering. And I don’t even feel like I want answers anymore from him.

I hope space is doing you some good too. If you need answers from him then you should ask him, but honestly…. don’t approach him in the next few days. You’re emotionally so entangled right now and he’s just on overload. It’s going to hurt you and cause him to stonewall.

Yeah Emma I understand what you mean. Tbf I was never that emotionally invested in mine; I just kind of got ….obsessive… trying to hold on to it. Which is why I’m doing fine so quickly.

You need to do what is right for you.

Like I may have said before: He recently confided in me that he was going through hardship. Every promising position rejects him due to lack of qualifications & he isn’t able to provide for them the way he wants. If he is really having a breakdown or going through something, I just would hate to jump out and make relationship demands instead of doing what he asked which is to give him some time.

In your opinion, do you think tomm is a good time? It’s like I want to honor his time thing and at the same time I want to have the conversation with him.

Emma… he specifically asked for some space. I’ve learned the hard way that when a guy asks for space, it’s not because he’s trying to punish you etc but because he genuinely cannot handle all the emotions in his head.

I understand that you feel a dire need to just KNOW. And I’ve felt the same way in the past. In my experience though, the guy will come back with some vague answer as to how he just wants to sort his head out/needs some time/felt like things are getting too much. I got offended and pissed when I heard all that but now I realise that maybe they just don’t know how to process their emotions like we do.

Also beware of the fact that you’re on emotional overload too. except while he deals with it by distancing himself, women deal with it by outpouring. And when you outpour emotions on an already overloaded guy, he just cannot take it.

I learned the hard way.

Emma, if you can get that book and read it BEFORE the conversation, I guarantee it will help you.

This weekend, I re kindled a hobby of mine. I also went out to dinner with some friends of mine. Through it all, I found myself in sadness, confusion and with knots in my stomach. I decided that is no way for a person to be. I don’t deserve to feel that way.

I only read one chapter of the book and it has only been a few days since I haven’t spoken to him, so I may have done the wrong thing by deciding to contact him. However, I find it inhumane to sit in the dark with a big question mark over my head and I wasn’t going to do it. When you’re in a relationship, I think a person should have some type of clue of what is going on and how long it will be. I may not be in agreement with whatever it is, even if I love them.

I’m an in person type of person when it comes to having conversations. But, I just wanted to get this over with. I typed up how I felt and pasted it to him. There may be mistakes in what I communicated but it was coming from my heart.

I told him that I needed clarification. I said that he asked for time but is that a week, a month, 8 months or does he actually want out. I asked for what type of compromise he was looking for so that I could have solace and know what I am sitting on. I told him that I felt blown off in a way and that I have realized over these few days that my love for him is real. I mentioned some of my favorite memories of us but told him that I could respect him if he provided what I ask. Regardless of what his reply was.

I know you may look over this and think that some of what I said wasn’t the best but it’s me. Relationships should end properly if they are going to end, not fade slowly with games. If that is what is going on. In either case, I will have my confirmation one way or another and I can move forward with my life.

Emma sweetie listen to me. I did what you did exactly a month ago- wrote a long message to a guy. Mine was definitely not as sweet as yours; it was calmly written but a little accusing. But nonetheless, the first thing my guy friends did when they found out I’d written such a long letter was go ‘ah crap you silly girl’.

Guys use few words to communicate. When they see such long letters they go on overload. (I learned the hard way- my guy took 2 days to respond and then asked if we could have space. That’s why we went on space). You’re safe insofar as you didn’t accuse him like I did. But, don’t expect a response very soon. He’s going to have to first process what you’ve written. Then he’s going to have to think about it and sort his own feelings out. HE’s going through a LOT so that will take time.

I know how you’re feeling. No matter what you do there’s a big dark cloud over your head. I find that interacting with friends is the only thing that momentarily lifts that cloud.

What you really have to do Emma is trust. Trust that he’s a good enough guy not to leave you hanging. But more than that, trust that in the worst case scenario, he breaks up with you, you WILL be okay. IN fact, I’m pretty darned sure that even if he asks for space, a break or to break up now, if you don’t contact him for a while, he will sort his head out and be back asking for a second chance in no time. So even your worst case scenario isn’t all that bad hun. These problems he is facing are EXTERNAL to your relationship. It’s taken a toll on the relationship, but once the problems disappear or reduce in significance, he’s going to feel like an idiot for giving you up! Now, whatever you do, JUST DO NOT CONTACT HIM AGAIN. Your message said everything it needed to. Just sit tight and come here to vent.

He can’t be your friend right now. Not any decent sort of friend anyway.

And good. We all have our own thresholds whereby we stop contacting the guy because we start feeling like our dignity has been lost. That’s what happened with me. I just stopped pushing him at some point– ironically the same point that he wanted to try and start talking as if things were normal– and I just moved away.

Now for your OWN sake. Please. No. More. Contact. Come on here and scream and shout if you have to. Call a friend and have her take your phone from you. Or hang with you. Or do whatever.

It’s not even like I am trying to see if he wants me and he is starting to upset me.

We have known each other all our lives. When he hangs out, the people are my relatives. I even have an aunt trying to persuade her hiring manager to help him with a job.

It’s more so that we are or were so close and linked that I am expecting and trying to force him to be considerate.

I will not contact him anymore. At this point, it would be ugly remarks.

I am not trying to be his friend in this moment but once everything is said and done, I don’t see a friendship ever

Emma, he didn’t wake up one day and tell you he needed space.

He was growing distant from you but he probably didn’t even REALIZE it. The thing is, men are very wired to cope with just one thing at a time! And when they’re focusing on that thing, they don’t even realise that they’re not coping well with the other things in their life. Which is when the girl feels the guy pulling away.

He only actually pulled away from you when you wanted to have that talk with him. And he said he needed to pull away because he had zero capacity to be able to handle it.

Has he replied to the last message you sent?

Emma out of curiosity how old are you guys?