Is he really busy or just being a player?

Hey all,
I met a guy in an online dating site. He is super cool. Though we both were born and raised in the same country( mother land), currently he is living in another country. So for the past four months we texted daily, called oftenly and even had video calls then and there. He started the texts, left messages even when I was not online and made me feel special. One week back he came to the motherland and I thought he came to see me. We had one date which was only two hours as I couldn’t afford more time. But went pretty ok. I texted him the day after saying it was really nice to meet him and whether he was free for another meeting. After hours he replied that it was nice meeting me but he doesn’t know whether he could afford another meeting and said sorry for the late reply. After dat no texts and no calls for four days from him. I didn’t text also as I didn’t want to seem desperate. But I couldn’t stand and texted him again like hope u are having a nice time. After hours reply came as sorry and he was so busy and he will catch me soon. Then again no Reply.
I’m really into him, but I am worried that he isn’t as he is not sure of meeting me again. If he really liked me he would have planned a next meeting. Am I right or is it just my mind playing tricks?
Please help .

Up until the past 15 years, 95% of relationships occurred through MEETING each other in person, not talking endlessly on the phone or writing letters (fka pony express).

If a man isn’t taking you out on dates or spending quality TIME with you, then he’s wasting your time aka “time waster” or “time keeper”. If a man is truly interested in meeting you, then he will do it immediately—if not he’s stringing you along and its best to get off the text leash asap.

Oh I know a couple of men who are phenomenal at multitasking. Multiwomaning too. lol

Men are smarted than women when it comes to dating. They don’t rush things. They also test you to see how desperate you are. If you are chasing them they won’t need to invest as much time or effort into courting you.

Totally agree with you guys!!

In my case, the texting stop after he opened his restaurant, I really believe that he is really swamped because he has a job at a Bank and after he gets home he needs to take care of his 2 restaurants. He also needs to be in his new restaurant to supervise on weekends. He often gets home at 3-4 am from the new restaurant to get it done, and he kept updating me that before the restaurant was opened. So I know that he really is busy. After it was opened, I guess his focus shifted and I understand. But then how busy should a guy be? Should I be supportive in times like this and contact him, or should I just leave it because as busy as he is, he should be able to keep in touch?

So I tend to keep my options open when it comes to dating, the last thing that I want to do is become attached to a man that isn’t quite in the same boat I am. However, I’ve got two issues that I need help sorting out. I’m coming out of a marriage, I’m not looking for Mr. Serious-let’s-go-down-the-aisle and they know that, but that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t like a boyfriend-I’m trying to figure out if that could happen with either of these guys or if I’m better off just leaving them in my back pocket for right now as I don’t want to get rid of either of them, as they are both good guys in their own way.

There’s a Guy A and a Guy B: Guy A makes me laugh and the heat is there, Guy B is laid back, kind, sweet and very gentle, I just love the way he touches my face when we kiss….

Guy A:

Guy A and I went out only once but we hit it off so fast and had such a blast that I broke one of my rules and slept with him on the first date, unfortunately Valentines Day was just around the corner and I asked him to be my Valentine and he responded with a Sure! That sounds great! and a So sweet of you to ask! However I put a little to much enthusiasm with my response (I’m in the process of a mutual divorce with no feelings on either side) and told him that I was so excited as this would be my first actual Valentine in 8 years as my ex and I didn’t celebrate it. I didn’t really hear from him after that except for what would a Valentines Day entail and I was trying to play it cool so I told him that I’m actually not really into Valentines Day stuff (flowers, candy, etc) and he didn’t respond after that. So I gave him some time and asked him if we were still on for Valentines Day and again, never heard from him. I just texted him tonight to see how he’s been and to see if he wanted to meet up again soon and he said Maybe, the past few weeks have been crazy hectic for him (he co owns a car dealership) so I responded with a That’s cool, I’ve got other plans now, maybe some other time. He said Ok, and that was it. I liked him enough to sleep with him on the first date (which isn’t something I typically do) so I’d like to keep him around.

Any ideas on how to turn this into an actual dating thing for Guy A?

So now onto Guy B:

We’ve had 2 dates and though they were nice dates they weren’t fabulous dates. We both happen to be into sport stuff, like playing a game if someone is playing too and invites us, but we really don’t have any conversations. We’ve both expressed having fun when we’re together but for me there isn’t any real fire, there’s no passion and he kind of bores me. On our 2nd date we ended up fooling around, and he seemed to be really into all of it, but we both agreed that we’d like to take things slow, and yet after our 2nd date he claimed that he’s just going to be to busy to meet up with me in the next few weeks. So I come back with a Well I’m free these few days in a couple of weeks and he sent me Well, idk, that’s to far away for me. And I’m trying to let him know that my fee time fills up pretty quickly and I do get busy and he said Yeah, me too. I’m leaving time open for him but he hasn’t said when he wants to see me again. I kinda get the feeling that he’s not that into me, like he feels the same way I do, that there’s no real heat between us. He’s also expressed possibly moving back to his hometown (6 hrs away from where we currently are) if things don’t work out for him here so I told him that I could possibly be moving to another state in the next 2-3 yrs once my friend is finished with his Doctorate. He’s such a sweet guy though and I like being around him even though there’s no passion, it’s just his laid back attitude and his lack of communication is a bother for me. I was thinking of just waiting until after the 3rd date to speak to him, I want to see how things go before I dive in and throw some feelings his way.

I like him but I can’t figure out if he’s into me or not and if I actually want to stay with him (I generally figure that out after I sleep with a guy, bc for me that’s where you can tell if it’s worth perusing – no good in bed is a no go for me).

Any thoughts for me and Guy B?

Please be kind with your words, no I am not a slut, I know what I like and I pursue it and if I don’t like someone I’ve no problem cutting them from my life. I don’t sleep around but I’m not against having a sexual relationship with someone I like, and I’m also ok with taking things slow with someone, though I don’t do slow very well as I tend to get bored easily.

So people, lets be civil and if you’ve got some good advice please share. And yes, the guys are aware that I don’t date exclusively unless asked to do so in which case I must really be into a guy for that to happen.

Thanks Hannah, I think you’re right on the part about letting them come to me but I do fear that if I do that then they’ll think they can just come to me whenever and I’ll be free. I like them both, but I’m not gonna sit around waiting for them, I’m already in the process of looking to date someone else. I just hate to let all this go so quickly without giving it the proper chance to go any further with either one of them…..