Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Is he really serious with me
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 4 years, 1 month ago by
Lane.
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Claire
We are in 9months relationship. Everythings good. Spend most of our time together every week.
He never tell me seriously he love me. He just showing through his act like he loves/ like me. I know before this he already mention to me he doesn’t like to say but through his action. His heart didn’t felt any love to someone. Already no feelings.
But the way he act and talk with me seems like he really care about me. He likes to spend his time with me and always want me to stay with him. Even he likes to spend most of his time with me than his friends.He never deny I’m was his girlfriend when we with his friends.
Now I’m really love him.When we apart, we just message good morning or good night. Or sometimes just a short conversation.
After 2/3 days apart, he will ask to meet me by sending sweet word. And I will agree because I’m also miss him.
I’m always trying to ask him to meet my family. But he is trying to change conversation and it’s make me feel upset. He also didn’t tell his family about me.
Sometimes I feel like he didn’t serious with me 😔
Whenever I’m ask if he really serious with me, he just making a jokes and hug me to make me cool down.Raven
What are your ages?
Claire
I am 26
Peggy
Hi Claire. I have 2 streams of thought here-one is to stop nagging him to define the relationship, just drop it as a topic of conversation. Then, maybe start to be a bit busier and not so available anytime he wants to get together. You would soon see if he picks up the pace and starts expressing more feelings to you and incorporating you more into his life. If you do this, I would try it until a years time of being together is up…you are at 9 months now, so say give it until February before you press him about his intentions and feelings.
If you can.t be that patient and strategic, then talk to him. Tell him you are feeling dismissed when it comes to defining his feelings and the status of your relationship. If he jokes again or is evasive, tell him that his answer is no answer and not good enough for you and that if he can’t give you a more satisfying answer that he need to take a few days break to think about things. Then hopefully he will step up and confess his love. But he also may confess that he enjoys your company but does not “see a future ” with you or that he just does not want to be in a serious relationship. It is risky to confront him, but even if he says he is not in love etc., at least you will know and be able to stop him wasting your time. Choices to consider! Good luck.Peggy
I meant tell him that YOU need to take a break to think.
Elvira
Hi Claire
There is some mixed messages here. You say he shows he likes/loves you by his actions such as seeing you a few times a week. He also told you in the beginning that he doesn’t say the word love because he has never felt it, so it may not come as naturally to him as it does to you. You have been in a relationship for 9 months which really isn’t a long time. I think this is a good level of getting more serious if you would be more patient. Rushing into saying I love you doesn’t define his level of seriousness, as long as he is doing other things that show respect and caring. Maybe he doesn’t want to rush and like Peggy stated you can give it more time to let things happen naturally or you talk to him. If you are going to speak to him I would suggest asking about meeting your family since at this point it seems that is appropriate.Newbie
It can be really hurtful to ask for the things you dont get. Like if the guy tell you his love is on actions and time spend with you and you neglect that and leep asking for words and meeting the family this whole thing you fall apart.
I mean sure you can understand that it would be hard for you if you keep saying you love, he neglects that and want something instead that isnt in your nature. Be kinky in bed for instance. So you have to be careful with pushing. Its unpleasant. 9 months is also not long enough for a fully strong bond.
It can be a red flag that he doesnt tell your family about you. But notice the CAN. Again pushing to meet is counterproductive. Try to find out more of him and his family. There can be lots of reasons why he doesnt tell his family yet about you, like they dont get along, live far apart, have cultural issues but Yes him not being sure youre the one can also be a reason. Thats why you look at the whole picture and not just tick boxes. Get information from him in pleasant talks about his past when you watch a movie for instance. Next year will not be about trying to keep him but about the two of you making plans for the future. Time wise that should start around now. But there is no perfect or only time line so it gets down to tor guts to trust the situation. I do like what Peggy suggested though, to pull a bit back. Just a little doing more stuff for yourself. Thats always healthy but can also make him more interested. Take careEmily
If you have to ask if he’s serious about you, he’s not.
Lane
Has he told you specifically why he doesn’t use the words “I love you” or why he uses only actions to express his love?
Those three BIG words should not be used unless the man is absolutely sure he see’s you as a potential wife. I personally only want a man to say “I love you” when he’s absolutely sure he not only feels it at the core of his heart but that he’s also going to carry those words out in every way, every day.
I am very reserved when it comes to saying them myself because I need to be pretty darn sure he’s someone I want to potentially spend my life with. It takes time to really get to know someone but by six months you pretty much know if you are at least “in love” with each other because those who are naturally start the process of not only integrating themselves into each others lives but they will start talking about it naturally without any prodding or questioning on your end if the guy is ready and wanting to take that journey with you.
Like I’ve said many times “If a man isn’t saying it, its because he’s not thinking it.” Men really are simple, its the women who complicates it lol
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