Is he right for me . 3 yr relarionship

sex 5 times a year?
I would leave
Unless you are over 60 years old

He sounds like my (lovely) husband!

I found that he actually loves to do things for me, but has zero initiative. However if I tell him what I want he would always does it willingly feeling happy to help me. In time he developed more awareness of the sort of things I asked for and did them without me asking. He’s a bit on the asperger’s scale and has a lack of awareness in some areas.

I would start asking for help. If he does it willingly you have to decide if the lack of initiative is going to drive you mad or you’re OK with being the “project manager” for everything. If he pushes back then that makes him lazy and selfish.

With things like not letting you have the best seat, the argument could go both ways. It sounds like he could argue you always want the best one. Ditto with sex. You both sound culpable.

He sounds pretty good on the whole to me. However you don’t sound “in love” with him. Is that really the issue?

The problem I see is YOU are really bad at setting boundaries, and with poor boundaries you are setting yourself up to fail.

Go on strike. Seriously, when I felt I was doing too much of the heavy work, I went on strike! I stopped doing it and eventually he was forced to pick up the slack, especially when they had no laundry, a pile of dishes left in the sink, or a dirty sink. When you stop doing it they get the message, and if it doesn’t work long-term, hire a maid like I did lol.

You are not going to find a lot of men who are going to magically help you with household chores. They are out there but most of them have OCD or some germ phobia, so even if you dump him it will be like finding a needle in a haystack and may get a clean house but you are probably going to sacrifice something for it and will just be complaining about something else.

The next time he wants the seat just say, “NO, you’ve had this seat on the last three trips its my turn!” Jump in front and plop your butt in the seat you want. Time for you to start ACTING like a queen!

The sex issue your fault too. Sometime you just have to jump their bones when you want sex!

Next time,After you cook a nice dinner just say “hey babe, you need to do the dishes so I can relax a bit now. Thank you.” Then plop your butt on the couch and don’t do or touch the dishes until HE does them. You do this enough times and you’ll start training him properly lol.

As Dolly Parton said in “Straight Talk,” “Honey, get down off that cross – people need the wood!”

A) Make a chore chart and show it to him and TELL HIM, “I resent all the time I spend cooking and doing the dishes and dusting and vacuuming and changing the bed and handling the finances. This chart divides the household work evenly and rotates the assignments so neither one of us gets stuck doing one thing all the time.”

B) If you want a particular plane seat or to go camping for a vacation, make an activities chart and TELL HIM, “I resent that you will not give me the plane seat I want and always browbeat me until I give in on where we spend our vacations. This chart keeps track of whose turn it is to select the first plane seat and who gets to decide where we go on vacation. The choices are non-negotiable. I have flipped the selection opportunities so that if I choose the plane seat first, you pick the vacation spot and vice versa.”

C) TELL HIM that you want to buy a house and that you have set up a savings account for that goal. Ask him how much he can contribute and you contribute the same amount; even if it takes longer to reach your goal, YOU won’t be feeling taken advantage of because you contribute more than he does. Set up a chart with each of your pay dates, the amount to be deposited, the date it was deposited and the remaining balance of your down payment goal.

D) You don’t like the amount of sex you are having. First, TELL HIM that you are feeling cheated in the sex department. SECONDLY, get him to go to the doctor (primary care physician AND urologist) to make sure there are no physical reasons that his flood of desire has diminished to a mere trickle of what sounds like “obligatory special occasion sex.” You make the appointments and then make sure he gets there; otherwise, I see more disappointment and martyrdom headed your way. (HINT: I’d say that it’s a good bet that he’s retaliating against your unspoken resentment in the only non-confrontational way he knows.) FINALLY, if his physical condition checks out okay, make a chart and say, “Here are the days I want to f*ck. If you want to make any changes to the schedule, do it now, because once it’s complete, it’s written in stone and the only changes allowed are extra sex sessions.” Then hold him to your schedule.

Have you noticed that I suggest a schedule for each and every issue you raised in your post? I’m actually serious in A-C. With D, I’m serious about everything EXCEPT the schedule, but if you keep feeling neglected and resentful, a schedule might be the only way to go.

I just feel so much pain, disappointment and resent coming off your post that I hope to make you stop and look at how your passive-aggressive behavior is contributing to your problems.

If you don’t TELL HIM what you want and REFUSE TO BACK DOWN when something that’s important to you is under discussion, you are partly (yes, PARTLY) to blame for the “condition your condition is in.”

I wish you luck. Both of you deserve to be happy and fulfilled in your relationship.

While I like all the varying advice, I think if you have to schedule sex- it’s not a good prognosis for the future. The most fun thing about sex is the spontaneity. I hope there are more positives about the relationship except longevity because it sounds like a chore and a lot of boredom.