Is he scared or just not into me?

It’s extremely disrespectful of you to show up at his house and stalk him essentially to push your own agenda. When you learn to accept real love you will not need to chase guys who literally want nothing to do with you and reinforce your feelings of unloveability. I would see a therapist before I did any more “dating”.

Im sorry this happened. I think you picked the wrong moment and used the wrong words (accusing a guy of being distant never works well), but the end result would not have changed i think. Look now you know and can move on. We can recover from a broken heart just fine. Im not sure how well you know this site but i highly recommend the articles of the site owners sabrina and Eric. They are so good in describing how women should date, how to set boundaries, how to recognize true love. Spend some time doing that and gear up. Dont go for these unavailable guys like i said before. Its not worth the time and effort. Take care

Where are the ladies who encouraged you to “go for it” and talk to him? So many of us try to tell you that was bad advice this time. We read what you write about him and we can tell he is not good for you. You have to save your heart and kind words for someone it matters to give them to. This man was not right one.

Melody, you are not listening or understanding. Please wake up now. YOu’re still riding the rollercoaster if you are even considering seeing him or speaking to him again. It’s just you trying to get back the power you handed over and you’re going to get punched in the face, again, and harder this time. He told you what he was like, you saw what he was like and you got into FWB with him because you have fantasy about being the one who can help him see the light of great relationship and fix him. No more speeches now, it’s too late. I do not understand why you are so surprised at how this went. Part of you seems to get that he’s not relationship material and part of you doesnt’ want to believe it and argues and tries to force it. Stop this divide inside of you. This man is not available. Let it go and grieve the loss and learn from it. Do not run at him again. I am so sorry he treated you bad. It’s just what he does. He wants no relationship with you. It is his problem. Let him go.

The only reason I encouraged her to talk to him was so that she could get the answer she needed and move on with her life. I knew it had a 99% likelihood of not ending well also, but I also know sometimes you need to have the door slammed shut in your face or you’ll always wondering if it was open and you just didn’t see it.

The concerning part is she’s not backing down.

What I head in his words is frustration and anger that she’s just not getting it, and now she’s intent on talking to him AGAIN.

I think he told her he would meet up with her on Sunday to get her to go away.

The real danger for her here is that at some point this is going to be construed as harassment and stalking if she continues, and I once read that an ex lover starts to regard continued attempts to get in touch as stalking way sooner than a person would believe. I feel like he’s already there.

But Shannon, you mean well but she already has all the answers from the way he treat her. Nothing to talk about with him. He does not want her or anyone, maybe never in his life. He is very damaged and he does not want fix.

melody– sorry it didn’t work out. But you know where you stand. If you hadn’t talked to him you would have continued to be in the dark for as long as you allowed yourself to be.

I don’t regret my advice– she can now move on.

Yes Maria, of course she must have left something out of her post. I mean why wouldn’t a guy who she’s been sleeping with for months who’s been ignoring her for weeks and barely even acknowledges her presence at the gym not want her to show up unannounced at his house professing her feelings for him.?!?? Why can’t you just admit you were wrong?

I’ll admit I read the situation wrong. Sure!

That being said, if she hadn’t followed my advice, I’m sure they would eloping right now and living happily after!!!!

I mean c’mon. He didn’t reject her because she followed my advice. It was going to happen anyway, obviously. I may have sped up the process, which only means she can move along faster.

So yes– I read the guy wrong. But the end result would have been the same had she followed my advice or others– she’d not be with the guy.

What does it matter whose advice she followed? It obviously wouldn’t have worked out. Why blame maria- she just gave an opinion like the rest of you– and she admitted she knew it was neutral, but was based on her own experience. She didn’t drive the OP over the guys house for chrissake

Also– I told her NOT to go over to his house announced, Kaye.

All I did was encourage her to get some clarity on her situation. Which she did.

I don’t need the “respect” of a bunch of catty women.

I’ll go get it elewhere.

enjoy your crappy lives.

This place is a toxic waste dump. Guess i knew that for a while, but much like the original poster, needed to have the door slammed in my face to wake up and move the hell away from it.

Kaye: people who are incredibly happy don’t have to brag about it nearly as much as you do.

Anyway, thanks ladies, for showing me this is a nasty, unhealthy place to be so I don’t spend another second of my time here.

I didn’t think she had a chance of a healthy relationship at all. I told her I thought it was a bad idea but I could see she was going to ignore that advice so she should go get the answer she needs to hear. Otherwise she would always be wondering. Clearly his actions were not enough, it needed to be said to her. My advice was for her to be able to move on, not because I thought it would work out.

My thought was if she didn’t get the answer she needed she would spend a LONG TIME thinking he was starting at her at the gym, thinking she still had a chance, etc wasting time instead of getting the answer and moving on with her life.

I think the worst thing in life is looking back and thinking WHAT IF rather than asking and hearing NO.