Is he scared or just not into me?

I thought you were going to talk with him today, for the last time

didn’t he say Sunday?

Yes, what Crisula asked! Did you changed your mind? (on talking to him? and decided to write a never sending leter instead?) good for you!

@Shoshannah – I’m actually very confused about that, to be honest. Part of me wants to tell him and go and talk to him, but another part of me doesn’t really want to reach out to him at this point. And the chance of him reaching out to me is pretty slim.

Wouldn’t I seem kind of desperate to reach out to him? Or is it justified because he suggested Sunday?

Melody, I know you are confused, anyone would be. But if you don’t want leave a bad taste in his mounth, do not reach out. I think you can send this one last text saying that there is no point in having the last talk, and that you appreciate what you’ve had. (because you wanted the talk in the firt place… – but after how he acted you are justified to not want this talk any more). do not have any last talk. all has been said and made clear. so now it is only about if you let him know that you are not having this talk or if you let it die without any explanation. I would say something if I wree you. i would say ‘I guess it wasn’t the best idea to talk again. I wish you all the best!’ but it doesn;t really matter and it’s entirely up to you. the only thing that matters is that you do not have any more talks and that you realise that it is entirely over, for ever. nothing is going to happen, never. but your life goes on. and you will be your fabuolous self again! just give it time.

You are probably right. In my mind I just can’t see how I what I want to tell him would make him angry or leave a bad taste in his mouth. I don’t think it will change anything for him, that’s not my agenda, but I feel misunderstood and misjudged and it hurts my feelings. I feel like he is now left with a completely wrong image of me. I don’t know.

I don’t know if I want to text him something like that. I would be happy to talk to him, and I feel like what you suggested would mean closing it off completely. I’m not sure.

I won’t see him at the gym for the next month, he has a different schedule. Maybe a month off from him would do me good. Oh God, I’m so confused …

I tried to post but it won’t let me!! I don’t think it’s fake! Just listen to some (R.I.P) Chris Cornell girls! (Audioslave’s like a stone is my favorite) Good luck Melody, do not explain anything to him again! Explain it to us if you need to.

I agree crisula. Right down to the habit of answering every persons response to her.

@Crisula – Seriously? This is not fake! I have a vivid imagination, but this is very much true and I’ve been incredibly honest in this thread – more than I thought I would. But I’ve found a good bunch of people here who have helped me through this. It’s been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to face. So please take your accusations somewhere else. I even don’t know who Devlin is!

Look. Let me explain why I didn’t bring up Sunday (and I’m on the West Coast, so it’s only about to be 5PM here. He lives at night so the day basically just started for him): Our conversation Friday night pretty much went something like this:

Him, in his car about to leave: “Did I explain myself clear enough?”
Me: “Yes, but you didn’t let me talk so I still want to talk to you.”
“I’ve said everything there is to say.”
“But I haven’t. This was not what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Well, then what did you want to talk about?”
“I just have something I want to tell you. And you don’t have to say anything. It’s not anything unpleasant.”
“Ok, maybe Sunday then.”
“Ok, sure …”

Now, I don’t have the best experiences with texting him. As I said before in a different post, I think he’s dyslexic. I LOVE texting and writing in general (as you can probably tell …), but he responds with one-word replies, or sometimes a half-finished sentence. And when he senses just a bit of confrontation, he normally doesn’t respond.

I did a lot of thinking yesterday about whether or not to reach out to him today. And I would honestly feel so ridiculous if I texted him and asked to meet him and he then didn’t respond again. And I’m not sure I want to put myself in that position.

I can still make up my mind though. And this talk IS important to me, but I also can’t force him to have it with me if he really doesn’t want to. That would just be crossing his boundaries, and then I know for sure he wouldn’t even listen to me if I forced him to hear me out.

But I would still love your input. What do you think I should do? Should I reach out, or is it simply too late? I’ve opened up a document now to type out what I wanted to say to him, and even though I haven’t put one word in it yet, I feel the tears pressing every time I place my cursor on the blank page.

Please don’t tell me I’m a fraud. This is my real life and a real situation. What about it seems fake to you?

@Gunger – it IS true. No, I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone I feel like I can’t communicate with properly. We had that issue where he would assume I meant one thing, and I would assume he meant something else. We come from different backgrounds and that’s really all it was.

I wanted to tell him that I wanted us to communicate better and that I wanted to get to know him better and spend time with him. I asked him once before if he didn’t want to spend more time with me because he had been acting strangely that day. I was about to leave because I didn’t want to be in his way if he didn’t want to see me. He ran after me, grabbed my arm and told me to please not leave, that he really wanted to keep seeing me and that I had misunderstood what he said. We had a talk about our differences in communication, and then all was good.

He told me the third time I hung out with him that he was happily single and not looking for a relationship. After this, he has never mentioned it again. Not to me. He talked about how he felt like all his friends were getting married and having babies and that he probably should do that too, but it was hard for him to get into that mindset. I didn’t say anything other than I was sure when it felt right for him, he would be able to do it.

I swear he hasn’t told me off once. He has acted cold to me for a few weeks now, and I have been pursuing him a bit harder than I probably should during those weeks. But every time I decided to step down, he would come up to me, talk to me and make an effort to chat. So I assumed he wasn’t completely closed off.

Friday night when I went to see him, we talked for a little while and then when I told him I felt like he had been avoiding me and that I was confused he gave me the “I don’t want a relationship” speech. I probably should have seen his weird behavior as an indicator that he wasn’t interested in more, but I wanted to make sure I had done my part.

Of course, I want a relationship eventually, but I’m not in a hurry. Also, I sensed he had issues and so I wanted to get to know him and the extent of his issues better before making a commitment with him. I felt like he would be worth waiting a little longer for. That’s really all there was to my “talk”.

He didn’t scream at me, but he also speaks loud and direct when he’s defensive. So that was that. As I wrote somewhere on one of these pages, when I walked off he drove after me offering to drive me to my car, asking me if I was okay to walk by myself and told me to have a good night. In his normal caring voice.

But right, I will leave him alone. I have no intent to chase him or overstep his boundaries. I’m sad for ME since I had something completely different in mind than what he decided I wanted to talk to. But I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.

No need to go crazy on me though. But thank you for your input.

@Kayla – I’m sorry, but I feel like that’s the way you interact on a forum. You all take time to give me your input, I feel like you all deserve a response to see that I actually read your advice. But really, I’m not Devlin. I don’t even know which thread you’re refering to …

@C – that’s your opinion. Read what I said to Gunger. You can think I’m screwed up, we probably both are.

Melody sweetheart please do not contact him anymore, please spare yourself this humiliation.

Normally a person would talk to someone they’ve been seeing, sleeping with when things end, it is a normal thing to do, people often talk for hours and not once, to clear things, to ask questions, to get answers. It is a normal thing to do, but this situation is different, things were more in your head than in reality, he was hugging you and telling you sweet things, but darling, you were sleeping together, what did you expect? of course he’d say sweet things. Then he ignored you for weeks, then there was a D day victory of him talking to you at the gym, I felt so sorry for you when you said that, you thought it was a victory, then you showed up at his work, why couldn’t you call? you think it is not a big deal, but it is. He assumed you want things from him, so he ran for the hills.

If you don’t contact him he will eventually. Especially because you said you want to talk and knowing you, he’d figure you are not going to let go, but if oyu do, this is when he’d get curious and might call you.

How can a woman be “confused” like this? Melody how? why do you feel confused? there is really nothing confusing here and the whole forum is telling you that.

@Emma – exactly, I don’t want the humiliation of reaching out to him anymore. I also feel like a talk after what we had would be normal, but he REALLY doesn’t like to talk about his feelings. Not when it comes to this stuff, anyway.

I felt he got scared that I wanted more from him and then decided to step down, and the reason I wanted to talk was to actually make sure he didn’t freak out because I really wanted to take it slow. That was the reason. I wanted to let him know where I stand. I know I can be a little intense in real life and I like physical touch, but that doesn’t mean I wanted to jump into a relationship right away. I wanted to tell him that.

I feel like you’re right. I’m sure he will reach out to me if I just cut off contact with him and don’t initiate any interaction. That’s why I said somewhere that I’m pretty sure this is not the end yet. But we will see. I don’t want to feel ridiculous or humiliated. And if he doesn’t want to hear what I have to say then I have to live with that.

I don’t know why I’m still confused. I think every situation is always hard for anybody but the involved parties to read correctly. But I AM listening, and I don’t want to freak him out more. So. I’m stepping down, dealing with this heartbreak by myself. Luckily, I have some really good friends around me and that’s helping.

Thank you!

@C – Still 5 months, not 2.

I meant that HE decided I wanted to talk to him about wanting a relationship, but that it wasn’t what I wanted to talk to him about because it wasn’t. I wanted to let him know where I stand, NOT ask him for commitment, NOT ask him where we were headed, NOT pressure him to reassure me or anything like that. I wanted to tell him that I like him, that I like talking to him and find him really interesting. I wanted to tell him how I communicate and what I mean when I say something, and that I eventually wanted to find the right man for me, but that I’m not in a hurry. I wanted to tell him that I would love to get to him better and continue to spend time with each other. And then I would leave, leaving the next step to be up to him. That was all I wanted.

I have never thought that we were in a relationship! I even never expected anything of him because I knew he wasn’t committed to me. I wanted to take the time to really get to know him. I’ve never asked him where he was, what he was doing, or how he was feeling. I was always aware of being present in the moment, have fun with him and not expect anything.