Is he scared or just not into me?

@Melody – Please don’t mind the caps locks I use here because I really want to get the message across.

You are only getting yourself entangled and more entrenched into the roller coaster ride if you are spending so much time and energy on this man, in whatever way you are doing it, including posting on this forum. You need to STOP, be alone away from this man completely, stop writing on this forum and spend every minute of your time ON YOUR OWN UNTIL you are no longer feeling any strong emotions for him.

It doesn’t even matter what this man thinks, what issues he have, what he plans to do or why he blows hot and cold. STOP thinking and wasting your time wondering what is going on with him. Every second you spend investing in thinking and being emotionally involved, you are setting yourself up to a greater disappointment.

FOCUS ON YOURSELF now for your own sake. You should’t even be trying to figure another person out when you have not taken a good look at YOURSELF. Why are you so entangled by the “highs” of an imaginary relationship? Why are you so bent on figuring him out? Why are you so blindly hopeful about a situation you cannot change and know to be literally impossible given how many issues you yourself said this man has? BECAUSE YOU HAVE A VOID INSIDE YOURSELF. You have not taken the time to fill up that void, and you desperately need this man to fill this void for you.

You are literally setting yourself up for abuse. He has already shown you that he is abusive. Yet you cling to him like air. Your self esteem is not where it should be, neither is your level of emotional health. Your priority now should be to work on your own issues, find out the void you have, with counselling, therapy and whatnots, and get yourself into a more emotionally healthy place.

I am not writing this to mock you, I had been exactly where you are at now. But one thing I did right was to CUT ALL CONTACT and STAY ALONE. It was a very painful process, but because I had the strength to walk away, I am much stronger now and did not end up being abused at the same level as you are. You need to do the same.

People on this forum seem to think that once you mentally decide you need to move on from a guy, it just happens like magic. It takes time for the heart to catch up.

I think it’s fine to meet up with that girl if she is actually also a friend of yours. I would just be careful what you say…keep in mind anything you say could go back to him.

I know Alex. But is it a bad thing if it does get back to him? Maybe he will realize what he’s missing? I guess that’s secretly why I want to talk with her.

I definitly don’t think it will make him realize what he’s missing. I thin it would push him away more.

kaye….I dont’ think melody is asking if the guy is still interested. she is not wondering about that anymore. she stated that.

the way you described it sounds crazy, sure, but that is YOUR own rendition of the story (i.e. painting her out to be a crazy nutjob with no logical sense)…s

your response may be what you honestly think but honesty without any tact is just cruel.

Melody, if this man wanted to know you were okay, or wanted you back, you would have heard from him by now. He has your number. He goes to the same gym as you. He knows how to get in touch with you. He would have no reason to send his best friend as an emissary to smooth things over or find out you’re okay.

She may just genuinely LIKE you. Or, and I do think this is a possibility when we’re dealing with a woman whose best friend is a man, she may not have any other female friends. Men don’t want to sit and talk over things the way women do…she may need that in her life and you seem open to friendship. I would not read anything into her actions to do with him AT ALL.

My boyfriend’s friend that tried to maintain friendship ties had very few female friends and I think that was the main reason why she tried to maintain the connection. It had nothing to do with him at all. BUT, she was going back and telling him everything I said, which is why I’m cautioning you that her loyalty is to HIM.

Ok!!!! So I talked to her just now, she is inviting him to meet up with us!!!! What do you think that means? Is that good? Right? I’m not sure what I will say. What would you do girls?

Agreed with Ashley, he told you he’s not interested. You are hanging on for dear life and hoping that there’s a slight chance with him. That’s what’s keeping you where you’re at. We’ve all been where you’re at, some of us more than once! That’s why we are all telling you that this guy is not going to change his mind. Stop using the poor girl for references on him either, you can keep her as a friend but what you’re doing is wrong. I understand your motive and even though it’s not sinister, it’s still not cool.

You run the rodeo here. It takes experience and heart-ache to realize sometimes and some of us have to learn the hard way. Maybe that’s what you need to know that this guy is not that into you. There’s tons of what if’s in any life situation, but don’t wait around for it. Just because you applied to a job that had a ton of what if’s, would you stop applying to other jobs? I know you feel that he’s different and your situation is so different, it’s not as for him not being interested.

I heard him and his best friend were both out shopping for rings for the OP earlier. He’s got quite a surprise prepared, the whole restaurant is planned into a musical, and he jumps out of the cake to propose.

I would absolutely not see a guy with a friend when he scolded me a few days ago in cold word that he doesnt want a relationship with me. How awkward. No he can go stuff himself

Although I’m wondering if it’s a troll that’s pretending to be the OP that is writing some of these responses.

There is a troll lurking around who is using OP’s names to post as them. On the “I’m Dating an Arab” thread she posted anti-Muslin rhetoric under the OP’s name.

As I am drinking my green smoothie I am reading this thread and find it quite amusing.

What I’d like to know is this. Did any of the advice given here mattered at all? It seems that no matter what people say here the OP is going to do whatever they were going to do. Is it a big time waster ladies? I am here to try and help, it is good karma, it feels good to help others, but is it helping? Melody? Anyone? was any of the advice given here, not just mine, but any helpful to you? And further, did it change your behaviour in any way?

Even if this post was fake, I think there’s still a lot of great advice here. This is type of situation is quite common, so I think any outsiders reading will find the advice helpful. I still read and find threads helpful that don’t pertain to me, just good knowledge to have (and it’s interesting).