Is he slow fading?

Oh honey. We don’t know.

But, why are you sleeping with someone at three dates and has not committed to your exclusivity? Only dating one person at a time is not the same.

Also, you don’t ask a man if everything is ok when they are contacting you 3 times a day (I hope you are letting him do most of the initiating)

You don’t know anything about this man. Don’t be sleeping with men until they are clear you are the only person they are seeing because there is something there. And you watch what they do after sex, which in this case is to pull back a little. That is not a great sign, but could be neutral… is he trying to spend time with you? Has he arranged your next date? If not, I suggest you pull way way back emotionally and physically and let him do the work for the next 3-4 get togethers. That is the only way to know

He didn’t ask me out yet because he knows this week I’m staying with my son, and therefore not available. I’m not being to invested, even not that much into him for the moment. I’m just trying to figure out whether he is trying to pull away so I can properly respond. Or maybe he is not and that is just how men tend to act after first intimacy? (It’s been four days now) Also I have to say I never initiate contact and never did, but these days he doesn’t keep the conversation going.

Hard to say, but just thinking back to whenever I started stressing over whether the guy was backing away, I was right every time and he eventually ended it or ghosted. Definitely trust your instincts. But I would let it play out and see what happens, how much effort he continues to make.

Yes he might be gone…
He texted me this morning: hello how are you? How was your day yesterday?
Now what should I do? Stay silent? Or what should I respond?

Why would you not respond when he’s texted you hello and asked how you are?

I agree that things don’t look good and this guy may be pulling away, but ignoring his texts and being distant will definitely push him away.

He initiated contact, so you should reply warmly. Don’t initiate a date, but be warm and responsive when he reaches out. See if he asks to see you again. Has he taken you out on proper dates? That’s the kind of thing to look for.

I agree that men should do the majority of the initiating in the first stages of dating, but I think women sometimes play hard to get and that causes men to lose interest. This situation is a perfect example. You were anxious because you hadn’t heard from him, so when he contacts you, you ignore him? That makes no sense. You’ll definitely never see him again if you don’t respond to him.

Right / wrong, who knows?

He obviously wasn’t the right guy for you…

This wasn’t a good match for you and I’d forget about him. But in the future, try not to jump to assumptions and conclusions either. He told you twice that he’s been sick this week, which if he didn’t even celebrate his birthday is probably true. When he has reached out to you after intimacy, you were defensive and tried to mindread if he was pushing you away until you simply assumed he was, and then you took that assumption and said let’s leave it here. Even though he was still messaging you, whether or not it was a little less than before (which, again, makes sense if he was sick).

I still think he has his own insecurities which wouldn’t have played out well, because I’ve never had a good experience with someone who wanted to check in about my feelings for him or attraction levels or whatever after every early date. And maybe he was indeed withdrawing because he couldn’t handle when you said you needed a little space one day. But there’s some things to work out on your side as well: as Tallspicy said, you rushed into intimacy and then questioned him and if things were okay every time you spoke after that, and as Liz said, you were considering playing hard to get games of going silent when he was reaching out. After only meeting 3 times! So this was a bad match all around and wasn’t going to work out, but make sure you’re not getting too in your own head and making assumptions or sabotaging things when a better guy comes around.

I read more……… he wanted an out, he left too easily and he wasn’t the one and that’s ok. What did you learn ? How can you apply it for future dating situations?
Hopefully the sex was at least decent . If not ok good riddance. And if it was so what , you felt a lack of your needs being met.
Ps . Insecure men are the worse to date , there projecting and you constantly trying to validate them will leave you drained.

you don’t call them out, you move on. I also feel like you might have been too quick to send him that text, I know it is very frustrating when you feel like something is off but he is not communicating but you should have waited until at least next week to see if he offers to meet up.
Saying that you wouldn’t want to date insecure guy because you will never know where you stand.

I have been quick, I agree, but I think it’s because it wasn’t there, and I wasn’t willing to spend more time on him by giving him the benefit of the doubt. Would he have pursued stronger, or at least consistently, I would have given it a try.
Now I think it was more an ego matter than true interest towards him. Also i have heard the ‘I’m sick’ excuse so many times, it annoyed me as hell, even more coming out from him…

JUST MOVE ON…. OMG I cannot understand this concept.
By just moving on when guys fade, you kinda leave their bad behaviour without consequences. I mean all girls do that, they just move on, and that’s all men want, its so easy, no consequences… Guys even think some girls don’t care about it. If we girls decided to not accept this behavior or call them out for it maybe, they would just become a bit more respectful. They do it because we allow them to do so… We give of our time to meet someone, we build some connection, and pouff, suddently, everything disappears!!! The one who was open to communicate with you about his interest, isn’t capable to tell you he changed his mind… They just leave you wondering whether you misread everything from the beginning and therefore we become suspicious about everybody. (Goes for girls too) And this for me is unhealthy and makes people trying to protect themself playing games or acting cold and it’s just a reflect of the rotten society we live in. No one has the balls to call people out, and we just go on with our resentments. And the day the right person comes along, you push him away because of all this BS you had to deal with… it’s a cycle…

To Tallspicy, the harsh one ;-)

A. I don’t think I have been talking about him not wanting to pursue or changing his mind was an issue as I wasn’t that into him anyway.
B. We do met 3 time, I don’t know him at all, looks like he isn’t very mature.
C. He did nothing wrong until I sensed him fading away >> which is my issue here and can’t deal with this ghosting technique. who said he cannot change his mind? I’m ok with it.
D. I do have a kind of insecure attachment style and know how to deal with it. Thank you for your concern.
E. They hate hurt feelings, but I think they know ghosting is even more hurtful…
F. Why would you be warm in this case? Are you doormat?

I do have insecure attachment, I might expect too much from people, I might not understand distant behaviors BUT perhaps someday I will find my match and we will click. But meanwhile I will not change my expectations and feign indiference just because thats what is expected in dating nowadays.

This guy clearly had issues (insecurity for one) and it’s a waste of your energy to try to call him out or confront him on it. You barely knew the guy. As others have said, do you really think he’ll seriously think about what you said and change? Why would he do that for a woman he barely knows? From what you said he blocked you anyway, so he’s clearly not open to listening to anything you have to say.

You’d be better off investing that energy in yourself. Don’t waste time fuming over this guy. You say you have insecure attachment, the best thing you can do is address that and work on it. If you were more secure in yourself you wouldn’t be so rattled over something like this. You would know that the way someone behaves in the first stages of dating is all about them and not about you. It would be easier to write the guy off and move on. Yes, it’s disappointing, but the guy clearly would not make a good partner so you should consider yourself lucky it ended quickly.